rating - pg-13
category - Tess POV spoiler fic
summary - what happens if max chooses Liz in the end
spoilers - big time spoilers for Departure and BIY…however I definitely twist for this story so ultimately who knows if they are actually spoiler-ish or not
disclaimer-no body knows
authors note-this is spoiler based so steer clear...it's my warped version...we'll see...anyway, feedback of any kind is appreciated. I am a rebel so this was painful to write. let me know what you think ~ buggs

Abandoning the Rebellion: an epilogue

"So I'm going now…"

"So you are."

"I don't want to. You know I don't want to."

"Do whatever you want…but if you stay, stay away from me."

"I don't want to stay either, because I don't want to be hated and I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to be so close to you, only to have you ignore me and ignore this child. I don't want to raise this baby alone, only to have you come to me some day to take her away from me, when you and your perfect wife decided that you can finally be a father to this baby."

"I can guarantee you that that won't happen, it won't ever, ever happen."

"Please don't do this to me. Please"

"I'm doing nothing Tess…you've done it all."

"You doing everything Max, everything. You're choosing not to love me. You're choosing to do this to me. You're choosing to hate me. In your soul you know that. Please don't make me do this."

"Turn around and go…now."

"I'm so scared."

"You should be."

"How did fall in love with you? How did I believe that you were capable of loving me? Why do I still love you, bastard that you are."

"Grow up Tess, unrequited love is a burden one places on themselves…I have nothing to do with your misery…nothing. You said it yourself, love is a choice."

"You bastard, you bastard…you have everything to do with my misery…you can't see past your perfect control freak nose, to realize what you're doing…playing into their hands…playing into their hands…forcing me away, forcing me to be vulnerable, forcing me to want to give up…forcing me to leave, when I don't want to, when it's better for everyone that I would stay. You are the choosing to make me the scapegoat."

"Yes. I am."

"Then you are at the root of my misery. Then you are to blame. Are you admitting that?"

"If that's what it takes."

"Max…"

"You should leave…"

"No I shouldn't. But I am."

"Goodbye Tess. Leave now…don't come back…don't come back."

"Goodbye Max…I love you."

The thing is, that I'm going home…home. Home to my heaven. I walked to the chamber, scared to death, wanting more than anything else to turn back because in that moment in time…my soul knew.

I knew that my heart wouldn't survive. That this baby, this baby that may or may not exist, it's going to go home too…that we will be forever gone from earth, that she'd never see her daddy, and I'd never love him again.

I knew that in a matter of a year and a half, he'd be married, that'd I'd be forgotten.

I knew that Kyle would get over it and adopt Maria as his sister.

I knew that Michael would cry for me in the dead of night, regretting his inaction and missing me. I knew that he'd get over it.

I knew that Liz, in all her unearthly perfection, would mourn me, would mourn this baby, would forgive me, something that I don't think needs forgiveness.

I knew that Maria would cry and pray every night for three weeks, for me, hoping that some how, I'd made it home, cause she's my friend.

I knew that the Sheriff would be so angry with Max that he had to fight the desire to kill him.

I knew that Isabel would go crazy for a week, for some unknown reason. I knew they'd attribute it to grief and that they'd misunderstand and that she'd let them. But most of all I knew, that I'd escaped destiny, that I'd helped others escape it too.

I knew that I'd have to forget about them, that I'd have to forgive them and that I'd finally be happy, that I'd finally be free, from my need, from my desire for a boy who was too damn selfish to love me, even the slightest bit.

I knew from the beginning, that love is a choice. It's a choice that you have to make every second of every day. It's not about destiny or soul mates; it's about caring, and sacrifice and hope and trust. It's about everything that I never experienced…till now.

Because in going home…away from these people I love…I might as well be dead.

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