Spoilers: Up through Departure
Summary: The gang finds themselves in a place they know they haven’t been before…or have they?
Rating: PG-11
Author’s Note: Sequel to “Walk Like an Egyptian”
Dedication: For Brian, for Tim, and for Douglas Adams, who managed to inspire so much of my world. So long, don’t forget your towel, and thanks for all the penguins.

As soon as Michael found himself face to face with a purple camel, he knew where he was. There were more castles clustered closer together, and the banks of the river seemed farther apart somehow, but it was still the same freaking place. Egypt. Home of the weirdest dream he’d ever had, except for that one involving the Power Rangers and the people from Family Matters…

Looking over his shoulder, he could see the rest of the gang trailing behind him. Oddly enough, Kyle was included this time. No Tess though. Tess was still…wherever she was with Max’s son. And quite frankly, that was as close as Michael wanted her. If she and Nasedo were any example for what their race was really like, he was far happier pretending to be human.

“DeLuca, what did your mother inhale while she was pregnant with you?” Kyle kicked at one of the branched palm trees that lined the path.

“Probably the same thing yours was smoking, Chia Boy,” Maria retorted. Her grip around Michael’s hand tightened, assuring him that she was indeed the real cheesehead.

But Kyle didn’t look convinced. “No matter what Buddha says, purple camels are not part of the cosmic scheme of the universe. There is no Nirvana in a camel that smells like grape.”

“CiB,” Michael heard Isabel say, almost under her breath. The tall blond looks more lost and alone than she had in a while. For some reason, Lizardbel’s whole personality seemed to have changed this year. Like she was a totally different person, or they changed scriptwriters in the middle of production. She seemed older somehow—yet younger than she ever had before. Alex had thawed the ice princess, but all that was left was a lonely little girl, not sure of her place in the world. And now, Alex wasn’t here anymore.

“Camels in black,” Maria cracked, a quiver in her voice. Michael tightened the arm he had around her, just to make sure…

A black camel slowly made its way towards Isabel, rubbing its smelly face against her chest. His almost sister didn’t seem to notice the green smear it left on her dark red leather vest.

“So you guys have like been here before?” Kyle waved his hands at the castles, the pyramids, and the My Little Ponies staked in several front yards. “Cuz you seem like you know your way or something. And Buddha will definitely forgive me for kicking your ass if you don’t tell me.”

“Little Cricket unhappy yes?” Michael couldn’t help quipping back. “Chill your chips, Mr. Miyagi.”

Kyle muttered something under his breath, looking like the Pre-Buddha snarling jock Michael’d known and loved all his life.

Max coughed. As always, they turned to look at their de facto leader. Apparently, being a king on one planet was enough prerequisite to make you the leader of rebel teenagers on Earth, lost in some whacko Egypt dream. Max was still his best friend and brother, but there were times when Michael wondered what alien had abducted Maximillian’s normally logical dweeb brain. Oh, wait, that was Tess…

“Those two girls last time…ummm…” For a moment, Max looked as lost as Michael felt. Maxwell didn’t even have the love of his universe at his side anymore. Liz clung to Maria, who clung to him like a little duckling. “What if we find the way to Un-Vermont or wherever they lived?”

Liz pointed to a road sign off to the left of the path. “285 South. That might get us to their castle.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “At least we know this isn’t some alien plot.”

“Are we going to start that again? Isn’t it enough that one of us is already dead? We don’t need to divide this group any more.” Isabel wrapped her arms around herself, looking more lost than Michael had ever seen her look. “Let’s find those girls and go home.”

Liz and Max nodded. It was good to see Liz show some backbone. Maybe that would snap Maximillian out of whatever funk he’d been in since…since Tess came to town. Not that Tess had been a bad egg or anything. Maybe her human side hadn’t affected her as much as it had them.

They moved out down the path, two by two, like those stupid ants in that song. Michael could see windows opening in the castles that crowded up against the path. None looked like the Un-Vermont one though. He was almost scared to meet those two weirdos again…

“Not exactly Braveheart, huh, Spaceboy?” Maria wormed her way closer to his body, wrapping an arm around his waist. The landscape wasn’t exactly the highlands of Scotland, but then again, neither was the end of that last shitty Highlander movie…

“I just wish they’d explain why we’re so freaking important to them.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, only to find that the spikes of Sophomore year had returned. Maria smiled slightly, running her own small fingers through his hair. Her golden curls seemed almost to glisten in the sun, just like after he’d poured glitter into them, that Christmas…

“Guys, this is it!” Liz pointed to a castle right on the right bank of the Nile, set off by itself. Two camels and a horde of pastel ponies were picketed in the front yard. Michael sighed as he recognized the green and blue polka-dotted camel, and the twin to Maria’s purple one. Yeah, this was it.

There was a sign under a doorbell, proudly proclaiming that this was the residence of the Pharaohs: Brian, Pinky, Neal and DLS.

“Don’t they mean Brain?” Kyle looked confused to the point of being pissed. But the jock hadn’t been part of the last grand Egypt adventure. “Just tell me this is one of you aliens dreamwalking in on me and making my life a living hell. Please.”

“THEY’RE BACK!” A shriek resounded from the battlements, and they could hear the thunder of feet pounding down a stairway from somewhere inside the castle. The door was flung open to reveal two girls and a lanky guy wearing an Iron Maiden shirt, guitar in hand. For some reason, the taller girl wore a Darth Vader helmet, and the shorter one had on a dark hooded robe.

Michael recognized the guy as the one who’d screamed something about chips the last time. Kyle sidled up to him, giving the guy a once-over.

“Do I know you?”

The guy shrugged and muttered something about August and a key club.

Kyle nudged Michael. “Is he Brian or something?”

“Brain,” the shorter girl said, glaring at the taller girl. “It’s Brain. And he’s the DLS.” The taller girl pushed back her Darth Vader helmet, sticking her tongue at the shorter girl.

“It’s not my fault that I didn’t look at the keychain,” the taller girl said under her breath. “It had M&Ms on it.”

The guy proclaimed DLS laughed. “Poor Brian.”

The dark-haired girl named Brian muttered about chips, and the taller, red-haired girl actually blushed.

Brian sighed, then looked at them. “Don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.”

“Actually, if it’s too much trouble, we would like to know something…” Max made his way to the front of the group, where he towered over Brian. “Why did you bring us back here?”

And to Michael’s surprise, the two girls actually did their wonky little happy dance thing again. “Because we can make everything right!” the red-head proclaimed. “Because we found out what kind of crack the writers were—“

“Shut up, Pinky. One word. Closet.” The dark-haired girl elbowed the red-head.

The red-head glared for a moment. “One word to you too, Brian.”

“Ha?” the DLS suggested. “Though Vitamin is a good one too.”

Pinky smacked the lanky guy upside the head. “Jeebie. That’s all I have to say. Grand B—“

Brian covered the red-head’s mouth with her hand. “Like Pinky was saying…” She blushed. “Ummm…”

“Is that my cue?” The new voice was oddly familiar as it echoed out through the entry-way. Another lanky shadow appeared, this one also carrying a guitar.

“Alex!” Isabel shrieked, throwing herself into the arrival’s arms. Michael felt his eyes burning slightly as he watched Alex stroke Isabel’s back, whispering into her ear as she clung to him.

“But Alex died,” Liz said, her voice flat. Michael could feel Maria shaking in his arms. “I saw the body. I saw—“

“Stop it, Lizzie.” Maria’s voice was quiet. “Please. Stop it.” Michael looked down, not surprised to find tears running down his girlfriend’s face.

Alex broke away from Isabel gently, then walked over to where they stood, Liz huddled up against him and Maria. “It’s me, Liz. Alex Charles Whitman. The same one that you saved from Tommy and Paulie in fifth grade by flirting with them.” There was a soft smile on his face. “Remember the science fair in sixth grade, when we electrified the pickle and—“

“It blew out the fuses for half of Roswell.” Michael could see Liz’s lips quivering as she moved closer to Alex. Liz reached out a hand to touch Alex’s flannel shirt, and Michael was surprised when she snatched her hand back with a gasp. “You’re real.”

Then, Alex was the center of a tangle of arms and flying hair and kisses, just the way Michael remembered it from elementary school. Even Kyle went up and gave him a rough hug, whispering something that looked like “I’m sorry” in the lanky guy’s ear.

“See, we can make it all better.” The red-head beamed as they all watched Alex and Izzy, standing with their arms around each other, foreheads pressed together. “You can all stay here in Egypt, and everything will be happy ever after, and no one will die ever again.” The dark-haired girl joined the red-head, and they did their little dance again, tears shining on their cheeks.

For a moment, Michael could actually see everyone considering it. Isabel looked at Max, giving him the same look that she’d given Michael when he said he was staying on earth. To stay here with Alex… Looking down at the golden head nestled against his shoulder again, Michael had to wonder what his choice would be, if faced with the same decision. A place where they didn’t have to worry about Skins and evil aliens and time travel and things that made Michael sure that God was smoking crack…

None of them had noticed that a crowd surrounded them. They were mostly girls, looking anywhere from their age to Amy DeLuca’s. Michael could see a few guys scattered here and there, a couple even rubbing their eyes and muttering at the sight of Alex and Isabel together. The Egyptians seemed to have an almost fearful expression on their faces, almost as if they dreaded whatever decision would come.

“We…” Maxwell opened his mouth, a confused look on his face. Sometimes Michael wondered if his best friend ever wanted to be normal again. He’d always wanted to belong to something—it didn’t matter what. But Maximillian…Maximillian had the fate of two worlds on his shoulders. And an unborn son. “We…can’t. I can’t.” From the way Liz’s face fell, Michael could see that she was fighting tears.

Max tipped Liz’s face up, wiping away the tears. “I can’t stay here. I need to go home—to Earth—and make things right.” He kissed her forehead. “A whole year of things.” And for the first time in a long time, that old soul-mate look flashed between the two of them.

“He’s right, Michael.” Maria’s whisper tickled his ear. “Max is right. We have to go home and fix everything.”

“Does it matter if all of us stay? Can just one of us stay?” Kyle moved towards the two in the Sith cloaks. “Would we forget what happened?” The jock swallowed. “I can’t find Buddha lately. My meditations aren’t working. I can’t see how Alex’s death fits into the turning of the wheel of life. And I can’t justify my part in it.”

The dark-haired girl came forward, putting a hand on Kyle’s arm. “You can forget whatever you want to here. We’re all here to forget something. The Nile isn’t just a river. It washes your fears away.” She sniffled. “That’s why we first came here. To forget.”

“But did you try to make things better? Did you just give up hope? Did you fight?” Liz pulled away from Max, facing the dark-haired girl. Michael snorted, realizing that Liz was actually taller than the girl called Brian. “I gave up—“

“We know what you gave up, Liz. There are many here who mourn with you for the loss of your future. We wonder what would have happened if…” The red-head trailed off, looking more serious than Michael had ever seen her look. She leaned up against the guy wearing the Iron Maiden shirt. “We fought. We wrote. We started campaigns. We even plotted to take over—“ The red-head shrugged. “Sometimes, you just have to give up. Sometimes Egypt is best, because you don’t have to think anymore, about how you want to abduct the writers from Dark Angel to make them give sparkies back to—“

“Pinky!” Brian hissed.

Pinky blushed. “But anyway…”

Alex looked at Kyle. “Remember when I said I was proud to be part of the greatest thing on Earth? D’you really want to give that up? You’ve got the power to make a difference.”

“The power of Greyskull?” the guy dubbed DLS quipped. The red-head smacked him upside the head again.

Alex didn’t bother to hide his smile. “Live and make it right. Don’t stay here with me. I miss you guys, but you have a chance to fix all this crap…a second chance.”

“A third chance,” Brian corrected.

Isabel's full lips quivered. It amazed Michael how young she could look sometimes. “But what if we don’t want to go back? You aren’t there, Alex. I want you to be there with me. We finally had a chance, and—“

The blue-eyed boy put his finger over Isabel’s lips. “It wasn’t our time, Isabel. We will have our time someday, but that wasn’t it.” Alex looked around Isabel to Liz. “You can’t change the past. But the future is never set in stone.”

Liz nodded.

He turned back to Isabel, and Michael could almost feel his heart breaking—not that he would ever admit that to anyone. “You’ll survive without me. And I’ll always be here, waiting for you. If you need me…”

“If someone starts singing My Heart Will Go On, I’m gonna put a smackdown on their ass,” the red-head muttered.

The dark-haired girl elbowed the red-head. “Someone’s been watching too much Dark Angel.”

The red-head known as Pinky had an awe-struck look on her face. “But can you blame me? One word. Logan.” Michael couldn’t help snickering as their eyes began to glaze over.

“Did someone call my name, bub?” A short, hairy man popped out of the shadows, a cigar clamped between his teeth. Though he looked younger than his comic counterpart, Michael couldn’t help agreeing that the Australian looked the part.

“We don’t want you, Logan. Donna wants you. Or maybe Kaelie. Michael thinks you were weak anyway. Go away.” The dark-haired girl made shooing motions at the older man.

“Donna wants a younger one though, Brian.” The red-head snickered. “One with the Flash tattooed on his a—“

“Not funny, lass!” a male voice called out from the crowd. “Not funny at all!”

The red-head coughed.

“So you won’t stay?” There were tears in Brian’s dark eyes. When she cried, the dark-haired girl looked even younger.

“They found the Door, Brian. They all did. That has to count for something.” The red-head put her arm around the dark-haired girl. “And Michael found his home, just like we said he would. And the Dreamgirls can be happy because they were right all along.”

Brian sniffled. “They did find the Door, huh? And they played “Blackbird” when Michael and Maria had s—“

Michael coughed. “I think it’s time to go home, eh?”

And the two Un-Vermont girls snickered, once again their beaming selves.

“Go back and give us hope and make it better, or else we’ll send a Hurricane to kick your ass,” the red-head said solemnly. “This is your last chance though. Next May, we take over.” And she begin to hum Yellow Submarine.

“If you get tired of the real world, you can always find your way back. Just keep going down 285 South. You’ll find the way.” The dark-haired girl grinned. “The camels will guide you back.”

“And we’ll keep the Door open,” the red-head added.

Slowly, the crowd dispersed, leaving a path that would take them back to 285 South. Two by two they walked through branched palm-trees, a train of pastel camels trailing behind them. Without a doubt, it was the weirdest escort Michael had ever had, in any life.

At the edge of Egypt, Alex kissed Isabel one last time, whispering something in her ear. Whatever it was, it made her face brighten a little. “I’ll hold you to that,” she said, poking him in the chest.

Alex gave his double dodgeball thumbs up. “I count on it.”

Egypt began to fade into the background. Just before the outlines of the Crashdown became clear, Michael swore he heard someone mutter, ”What the hell is the Door?”

Michael grinned. It didn’t matter what the Door was. He had his cheesehead, and a whole world to make right again.

Back to Area 51 (Section III)