Title: Dumb idea.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Other.
Spoilers: None.
Distribution: this is so bad, I'm not sure I'd put it on my own site lol But if you want it... it's yours. Just let me know you're taking it.
Summary: Michael has a dumb idea. What else is new?
Author's notes: This is my poor attempt at humor. Don't ask me why I wrote it. Blame it on Sports Night rerun last night. Don't ask me what I was on. That's what luck of sleep and loads of coffee can do to a person. And don't blame me for wasting your time. I warned you it's a pile of... something not nice lol But if it made you smile... even a tiny little bit... let me know. Please?

***

"Michael, you can't do that." Isabel's frustrated voice carried through the almost empty café. The only patrons were a group of eight teenagers.

"Isabel is right." Max. Always the calm voice of reason.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you can't."

"Well, I'm thinking about it."

"Don't."

"I'm still seriously thinking about it."

"You are seriously thinking, aren't you?"

"Max, I think he's just crazy enough to do it."

"What's so crazy about it, Isabel?"

"It wouldn't work."

"It worked for Sigmund Freud."

"Well, hate to break it to you, but you're no Sigmund Freud."

"Thank God for small miracles." Michael glared at Tess.

"But it could still work for me."

"Michael, it is probably the stupidest idea you've had in a long time."

"Come on, Maria. So it won't work for me, what's the worst that would happen?"

"You'll be the laughing stock of Roswell? Not that it's that much different from your usual status."

"Bite me, blondie."

"In your dreams, space boy."

"Wrong expression. I said 'bite me', not 'blo..."

"EWWWWEEEE!!! Would you two stop that?"

"Stop what, Isabel?"

"Throwing those ugly images around. Some of us are trying to eat."

"Why are you eating that diet thing? I threw one of those in the garbage and maggots ran for cover... OUUUCH!" Michael rubbed his arm, glaring at Isabel.

"By the way, space boy. I heard you loud and clear. And the answer is still in your dreams."

"Not what my shoulder felt this morning in the Eraser..."

"ENOUGH!"

"Sheesh, sorry Isabel."

"Ok, back to the problem at hand. You're my surrogate brother, Michael. And there is no way in hell I will let you do this."

"And how are you planning to stop me?"

Silence washed over the room.

"If you will go ahead with that idiotic idea, you won't catch me in the Eraser Room for a long, long, LOOOOONG time."

"Hmmmm, so what you're saying, Maria, is that we're switching to the Janitors closet then?"

"Funny. Let me rephrase that so that that advanced PEA sized brain of yours can understand. Pull that stunt and you won't be giving it to me at all."

"I don't accept ultimatums, blondie."

"We'll see."

"Ummm, guys. I hate to interrupt, but maybe Michael is right. It might work."

Michael stared at Kyle with shock.

"Maybe I should reconsider."

"Nice, Guerin. I try to support you and it blows in my face. Typical."

"No offense, Kyle, but support coming from someone whose nickname was Chia Head..."

"What does that has to do with anything, DeLuca?"

"Nothing. Except the fact that even since you were a child you were lacking in common sense. And basic taste, but that's besides the point."

"Whitman, dude, would you do it?"

Alex winced, knowing in advance that his answer would piss Michael off.

"Honestly? I'd rather get a vasectomy."

The men of the group stared at him in utter shock.

"What? I was only kidding."

Max gulped.

"Don't even joke about something like that."

"Ok, how about this, I'd rather sit in a puddle with a pair of jumper cables."

Michael waved his hand, discharging Alex's answer.

"You're whipped."

"How does that..."

"The only reason you said that is cuz you know that Isabel is against it."

Alex opened his mouth to object but realization that it's the truth hit him like a ton of breaks and forced him to just nod silently.

"Alex, I don't expect you to..."

"Yes you do, Iz. Face it, your boy is whipped and you love it."

"No I don't, Michael."

"Keep saying that."

"And you're not?"

"Let it go, Isabel."

"I'm not what?"

"Why should I, Max? He can't just insult..."

"I'm not WHAT?"

"Whipped."

"Isabel, be the bigger person."

"Maria is against it and I'm still doing it."

Isabel mumbled something unintelligible.

"Maxwell, what do you think?"

"I wouldn't."

Michael sighed in exasperation.

"I knew consulting you guys would be a mistake. I just should've done it and sooner or later you all would've gotten over it."

"Does that mean you won't?"

"No, blondie. I won't grow a goatee. Happy?"

"Very. Now about that new hair style of yours..."

"Don't push your luck."

"Ok."

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