Disclaimer: Roswell and all the people, places, and things that make it the great show that it is belong to a whole bunch of people that aren't me, including, but not limited to, Jason Katims and Melinda Metz.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything through Departure.
Summary: Liz thinks about what the future will hold.
Feedback: Loved it? Hated it? Please, tell me.
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive. If you already have permission to archive my stuff, by all means go ahead.
Authors Notes: This came to me while I was watching Departure. Take a walk with me on the dark side…

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My world is crumbling to pieces.

Our group is well and truly broken now, we're all the walking wounded. What Alex' death didn't tear apart Tess' betrayal did.

Can I even call it a betrayal? If what she said was true, and why would she lie now, if this was her plan all along, she was never one of us. You can't be betrayed by the enemy.

But that's not what haunts me at night. I can't sleep, I keep hearing the things that Max - future Max that is - said. Without Tess they aren't a complete set. Without Tess they aren't as strong. Without Tess they can't win.

Are we now doomed to live out that future? Will we watch as we fall one by one?

Probably.

I'm stuck wondering if the other future, the one future Max was so desperate not happen, is actually better than the one we're now stuck with. The war was lost, and Michael and Isabel were dead - maybe the others too, but at least we were happy for a time first.

Alex attended our wedding, I remember that most clearly of all. We were married at 19 and Alex attended the wedding.

He could have had at least another year of life, he wouldn't have been mind-warped until he wanted to die. Did Tess kill him, or was it future Max and I with our meddling?

Max and I could have been happy, we didn't have to suffer for months because our happiness caused Tess to leave.

Or did she leave?

Did she leave because she knew her mission was a lost cause, or was she killed because she failed? Does it even matter?

This time there will be no future Max to change the future. The granolith is gone and with it any method of time travel, any hope of making the future a better place. Things are stuck as they are.

Max is stuck with the knowledge that his son is being raised by a monster, with the violation of losing his innocence to someone who only used him, forever haunting him.

Isabel is forever stuck with cold vengeance burning in her eyes. I almost pity Tess if Isabel ever gets a hold of her.

Kyle is stuck in self-loathing. The mere mention of Tess and he looks ready to puke, scream, and cry. I think he thinks about suicide, I know I do.

But if there's one thing I've learned, one thing all this has taught me, it's that suicide is never the answer. It may end your suffering but it causes it for all your loved ones.

Sometimes I wonder if life would have been better if Max had never healed me, if my life had ended that day.

There would have been no FBI to draw Nasedo's attention to Roswell. Would everybody have mourned me and moved on to live happy lives, or would everything have ended that much faster when Nasedo and Tess did eventually find them?

If I knew that everything would end better, if I knew that everybody would live long happy full lives, then I would choose to die. I would sacrifice myself for my friends' happiness.

I used to think that I already had, that they would live because I sacrificed my happiness, now I wish I hadn't.

I sacrificed months of happiness for this. I sacrificed Max's innocence for this. I sacrificed Isabel's happiness for this. I sacrificed Kyle's self-image for this. But most of all, I sacrificed Alex' life for this. For this. For nothing.

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