Author’s note: Is written as if Maria is writing in her own diary. Takes place at beginning of Heatwave, in the Crashdown just before Michael arrives.

***

I hate to admit it, but I’ve always thought about him. I’d see him occasionally, in school, around with Max, watching people. He looked so weird. A strange guy from the wrong side of the tracks, going nowhere in life.

Yet there was something hidden deep within those eyes. Something I secretly hoped he would tell me with those soft lips. But I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. There was no point entertaining ideas that were never going to be.

After Liz was shot, I freaked when she told me about Max. I babbled uncontrollably and screamed. However, when I found there were three and Michael was one of them, it calmed me. Finally I had the explanations I had been after. The answers to the questions within his eyes.

The rest of that night proceeded in a haze as Isabel and myself tried to look inconspicuous while heading towards my Jetta.

Lying on the ground I heard the car heading towards me before screeching to a halt. I saw Michael appear over me.

"Don’t worry," I found myself saying. Equally for myself as well as for him. He snapped at me to shut up as he placed his hand on my chest. I felt the heat in his hands on my flesh.

He was was an alien. I had to stop romantising his quirks so I snapped at him, "Watch your hands, mister!"

Before he could reply Alex arrived and Michael ran.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Weeks rolled by and I had barely any contact with Michael, but any romantic feelings or thoughts were gone while I observed his contemptful behaviour towards Liz and me.

We settled comfortably into silence and avoidance, until some queer history assignment forced us together. That and Michael abducted me.

Talking to him made me realise how alone he felt, how the explanations I thought I had about his eyes were actually more complex, and his fears and dreams were a lot like mine. We connected that night, and I felt like I’d finally found someone who understood me. I know he felt the same, though god forbid he would ever admit it!

We flirted continually for a couple of days, much to the annoyance and amusement of everyone else.

Then he kissed me!

Just like that. We were arguing and he just kissed me. It started as really forceful, as though he was trying to win the argument. As I slid my hand up his chest to his shoulder I could feel him relax as I responded to his kiss. A bolt of realisation shot through us both and we pulled away.

I instantly felt as if something was missing from my lips. I have no idea if he felt the same. He’s been avoiding me and when we have spoke it’s been to argue. I know we can’t be together, but god, I wish we could. He let me in but has now pushed me out into the cold. I must be the only person shivering during this heatwave.

Wow, Liz was right. Writing this all down makes me feel calmer. This heatwave’s been making me feel crazier than ever. Everytime I see him I just want to pounce on him, kiss him, touch him, feel him... Sorry!

No I’m over him. I can resist him. I don’t need him. I sound sure, don’t I?

I’ve got to finish my sweeping so I can close up, go home and take a cold shower. It’s not like he’s going to come here with an uncontrollable urge to see me, right?

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