: Michael/Maria

Rating: PG 13 ?

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine o’ course - they belong to the good folks who created the show and also the WB network (and Melinda Metz!). Please don't sue me - I’m a college student - I have no money.

Note: I got inspired by that awesome promo of Michael and Maria in the desert together with the car and the trailer, where he’s looking up at the sky and she’s holding onto him. This is a near-future fic about how they got there.

The song I used at the end is Collective Soul’s "Crown" from their CD "Dosage"(amazing CD!!!). If you have it, pop it in (track 12) and play along :).

***

He should have expected this. He should have known, but he still felt like his chest was caving in. Isabel and Max weren’t coming. After all that bullshit about belonging together and being a family…Liz and Alex…The Evanses meant more to them than him…than Nasedo, who had died to give them a chance they weren’t going to take.

Well, not him. Nasedo’s death wasn’t going to be in vain, especially since it had partly been his fault. No, they were coming tonight and he was going with them. He was going home.Without Max.Without Isabel. They had already said their goodbyes.

Max had asked him to try and understand. Isabel had begged him not to leave angry. Because they’d never see each other again. They had cried, they had hugged him. He had stood in the middle of their guilt motionless, silent as they told him they would miss him, that they hoped he found what he was looking for, and that they would see him off.

"I don’t want you to."

And that was it.Goodbye Max.Goodbye Isabel.They had decided not to tell the others about this. Max didn’t want Liz to feel guilty, like he had given up everything he had been searching for his entire life for her. Which is exactly what he was doing. They decided to let them believe that their chances of ever finding their way home had died with Nasedo that night in the desert.

Nasedo had run out of pills. He’d barely had enough to sustain his "visit" as it was. He would have been fine if they hadn’t missed the first "Meeting". Goddamn Valenti. He’d busted Michael for vandalism. Vandalism that Kyle had committed with his dumbass jock buddies. Michael had been at the wrong place at the wrong time and Nasedo had died because of it.

He remembered that night as though it were yesterday, although it had been a full month since they had buried his body in the cave. He could almost hear Nasedo’s weak voice in his head again as he whispered with his last bit of his strength that he had managed to create a mental link with the ship and explain what had happened. They had told him they would come back one last time. A month from tonight when the stars led the way to earth, a clear diamond path straight into the Roswell desert.

"It’s your last chance…" Nasedo’s voice cracked with the strain of the mindspeak. It would have been easier for him to just talk to them, but he was wary of Liz, Maria, and Alex. The "outsiders", he called them. "It’s up to you all to be here…and if you’re not…that’s it…they aren’t coming back…they’ve risked too much already…"

They had never gotten a chance to ask what he meant. His voice had faded to nothingness, his eyes had closed, and he died. They had taken his body from the trailer parked in the middle of the desert, directly under the V of stars that seemed so much brighter than all the rest,and took it to the cave. They buried him beside the map. They went home.

Maria had come to his apartment later that night. He had been sitting alone in his empty room, staring at the wall,trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. Nasedo had revealed himself, proved himself. He had told them they were going home. No time to pack, no time to really say goodbye. They had had an hour.

Maria had tried to talk to him. He hadn’t given her a chance. He had told her that Max and Isabel were going to their house to get the stones before they left and that he had to hurry and do something before he met them there. He had walked away from her while Isabel and Max were still saying goodbye.

It had been a lie. He hadn’t had anything to do. He just had to get away from her, from the look in her eyes, the tears gathering there…because he couldn’t stand to see her cry. He wasn’t worth it.

He walked past the high school, trying to clear his head, trying to get over the shock of going home in an hour. The shock of never seeing Maria again. A bottle landed at his feet, shattering and spraying him with beer, as he was crossing the parking lot. He looked up. Kyle and a couple of his buddies were throwing beer bottles at the school’s windows. They had already broken a few. They were laughing, giggling, falling over themselves.

"Hey!" Kyle took a step toward him, and suddenly he was surrounded by football players.

He was about to bowl them over with his power. It didn’t matter what they saw now. Before he got a chance, the police came and the meatheads scattered like rabbits. Valenti chased only him.

By the time he was cleared, it was too late. Max and Isabel had picked him up from the station. They hadn’t said anything. They knew it wasn’t his fault. They drove to Nasedo’s trailer, where Liz, Maria,and Alex were waiting with him.

He was sick. He was dying. There was nothing anyone could have done, but still Michael felt guilty.

He had been home for maybe an hour before Maria knocked on his door. She knew he never locked it. She had come inside, closing the door gently behind her,and found him in his bedroom staring at the walls. He didn’t even realize he was crying until she sat down beside him and reached out to touch his face, just like the last time.

He remembered thinking this was maybe the third or fourth time he had ever cried in his entire life. This was the second time Maria had seen him do it. He had quickly brushed the tears away himself and turned his head to avoid her touch.

"I’m sorry…about what happened…" she whispered.

"It’s not your fault."

"It’s not yours either…you know that, don’t you?"

He didn’t answer her.

"Michael?"

Silence."

Okay…" she said softly. "You don’t want to talk…that’s okay…I understand…I just wanted to see if you were all right."

"I’m fine."

He had felt her hand on his shoulder, felt it slide over it and across his chest as she hugged him from behind, briefly pressing her chest against his back. He had closed his eyes. It had reminded him of waking up beside her. He always slept best when he was in her arms. He had found peace there in their soft gentleness that horrible rainy night almost two months ago…

"You’re a freak!" His heart tightened in his chest, a burning knot that made his eyes water.

He didn’t give a shit about Hank or what he thought. So why were his words still ringing in his ears? He should be glad it was over. He was free…And he had nowhere to go.

He couldn’t go to the Evanses. He couldn’t face that. He couldn’t face the barely concealed pity, the forced cheerfulness and Isabel’s insistence that he belonged there with them in their perfect house with their perfect family when he knew he didn’t belong anywhere.

Staying with the Evanses would be like jumping into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim. He didn’t know how to survive there - how to be part of a family that worked. It was too late for that. It was too late for him.

It started to rain. A cold heavy rain that plastered his hair to his head and made his clothes seem lined with lead. He barely noticed it.

He was walking, one foot in front of the other through puddles and mud. He didn’t know where he was going. All he knew was that he couldn’t go home. Even if Isabel was right - that Hank was too drunk to remember what he had seen, what Michael had done…He couldn’t go back. He’d rather drown in the rain.

For the first time in what seemed like hours, he looked up from the glistening sidewalk and stopped. He was standing in front of a window curtained with strands of colorful beads with little flowers. On the other side of the plastic rainbow was Maria. He watched her for a while, watched her watch the rain flow in thin rivers down her window pane.

She looked up and saw him, turned away for a moment and drank something. When she turned back to him, she was talking at him through the closed window. He couldn’t understand what she was saying. She stopped talking. She bit her lip,and pushed open the window. She stepped back, making room for him to come inside.

The next thing he knew she was throwing a towel over him, trying to dry him off, mumbling something about pneumonia . He didn’t know when he started crying. He didn’t realize he was until she reached up and gently brushed away his tears with her thumb.

"Come here."

She led him to the bed and he sank into it, his muscles collapsing in on themselves, leaving him weakened as sobs wracked his body. She held him close. She let him cry. He fell asleep in her arms, with her breath kissing the back of his neck, her fingers stroking his hair, her whispers in his ear, telling him that it was okay…

After that night, after he had found an apartment after being granted emancipation, he had kept going back to her night after night. It was never sexual. They just held each other. They never talked about it during the day. He’d come to her window at night and she’d let him in. He’d crawl into her bed and she’d wrap her arms around him. He’d leave early, so they wouldn’t be caught.

After Nasedo died, he stopped going to her. He had to prepare for the fact that he was going home. For real this time. That month of wordless nights had brought them closer, had formed a bond between them. He had a month to get used to her not being there, a month to pretend, and make himself believe he didn’t need her. He had a month to break that bond.

He kept his distance. He ignored her. He broke her heart again. But he went back to her last night. His last full night on earth. Despite his need to not care, to forget about her, he wanted to spend it with her. He needed to have that one last moment.

He had knocked on her half-opened window. She had been reading. She looked up. She slowly turned to look at him. She stood from her desk, went to the window, and shut it. She stared at him through the glass, then locked the window and went back to her desk.

He deserved it. He knew it. He hadn’t really been expecting her to let him in. But he had hoped…He left and came back again when he knew she’d be asleep. He unlocked her window, crept inside her room.

He had stood beside her bed, looking down at her, resisting the urge to touch her, to kiss her goodbye. He took the silver ring off his finger and set it down quietly on her bedside table. He left her. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his life.

After he had left her house, he had gone to Max and Isabel’s to see how things had gone with Liz and Alex. They had been waiting for him. They had told him that they hadn’t said goodbye to their friends. They hadn’t said goodbye because they weren’t leaving.

Michael shoved a few books into his duffel bag, a sketchbook, some art supplies he’d stolen from the Art Department at school and his clothes. He picked up a picture of Maria, torn out from a yearbook. It hovered in his hand above the opening of the bag a moment before he opened the drawer beside his bed and placed the photo carefully inside and closed it gently.

Four hours till lift off.

He zipped up the bag and dropped it near the door. He collapsed onto his bed, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes.

Three hours and fifty minutes.

He heard someone enter his apartment, and sat up. His bedroom door swung open.

Maria.

She stepped inside, she stood in front of him. She held out her closed fist,and slowly uncurled her fingers. The silver ring lay in her palm.

"What is this?" Her voice was hard. "What does this mean?"

He didn’t answer her. He didn’t know what to say.

"You’re leaving aren’t you?" Her voice suddenly lost its edge, and broke. She was crying.

"Yes."

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"What…?"

"They’re coming tonight."

"What…No…I thought…"

"Nasedo was able to arrange something…before he died..."

"Why…why didn’t you tell us…?"

"I don’t know…"

"Were you guys ever going to tell us!? Were you just going toleave…" Her voice cracked with pain, and he looked away. She grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "Tell me!"

"Max and Isabel are not leaving. Just me."

She stared at him. Her fingers slowly slid away from his face. She backed away from him, until her back was against the wall. "That’s why you came last night…"

"Yes."

"You weren’t going to tell me then either, were you? You were just going to disappear." She shook her head and closed her eyes. "You were really going to do that to me…"

"Maria…" He stood from the bed and went to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. She squirmed away from him.

"Why did you give me this ring? So I wouldn’t forget you? So I’d spend the rest of my life pining for you…?" She looked up into his eyes. "You didn’t have to give it to me. I could never forget you. All I have to do is look at the stars and my heart will break, and then I’ll remember you."

She took his hand and pressed the ring into it. "Put this on me. We might as well make this as painful as possible."

He paused and she held her hand out to him. He took it and gently slipped the ring onto her finger. It was too big, but she said nothing.

"Now it’s your turn to hurt." She whispered. "I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and I will wear this ring after you go. I will wear it and I will think about you and I will cry. And then I will take off this ring. I will put it somewhere and I will never touch it again. I will never look at it again. I will make myself forget about you. I will make myself stop loving you.."

"I’m sorry…" he whispered.

She turned to go and he stopped her, gently touching her arm. "I never wanted this…I never wanted you to be hurt…that was the last thing I ever wanted…You are the only person besides Max and Is I’ve ever…needed…And I’ve pushed you away because of that. Because I knew that if I let myself…give in to what I was feeling…this would be hard…and I was right…I know you think that everything we’ve done doesn’t mean anything to me…but you’re wrong. You mean more to me than anything else in this world…But I don’t deserve you…I don’t belong with you no matter how much I wish I do…and I don’t belong here…no matter how much I wish I did…"

He touched her cheek and said softly, as though the words might break between them if uttered too loudly, "I wish things could be different…because I would love to love you without this fear, without this pain…without hurting you…There is no one in this universe I will ever love as much as you and that is the truth."

She was silent, staring at his chest, her hands clenched at her sides. After a long moment she raised her eyes up to meet his. "How much longer do you have…?"

"A few more hours."

She slowly nodded, coming to a decision, and reached out to him, cradling his face in her hands. She drew his mouth down to hers, and kissed him gently.

Who’s gonna be my savior…
Now that I’ve learned to believe…

He wrapped his arms around her and his tears touched her face, mingling with hers. Her hands slid down his neck, and onto his chest.

Who’s gonna be the answer…

Her fingers undid the buttons of his shirt, and slipped it off his shoulders, kissing the warm skin over his heart.

To all of my questioning…

She stepped back from him for a moment and lifted her t-shirt up over her head and dropped it on the floor.

Well I hope I’m not lost…

She stepped back into his embrace, and they clung to each other.

But I think that hope is now distancing…
And the words that secure a cause…
Are now faint whisperings…

"Are you sure about this…?" he whispered into her ear and she kissed him.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"Yes. I love you."

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"I love you."

I don’t know…
I just might alone…
Who’s gonna wear my crown…

His fingers undid the small clasp at her back, and he slipped the straps of her bra off her shoulders.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

He ran his hands down the gentle slopes of them and followed the line of her arms around his waist.

I don’t know…

This was Maria...

I’ve just got to go my way…

He breathed in the sweet and spicy scent of the orange blossoms she wore around her neck like a necklace, and he held her so tight, their warm skin pressed together, no barriers between them. They could feel their hearts beating in time with each other. They laid down together on his bed.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"No…have you?"

"No."

"Are you scared?"

"No."

"I don’t think I can let you go."

"Then don’t…"

Who’s gonna be my partner… Now that I stand here alone…

He paused, staring down at her.

Who’s gonna be the shepherd…

She gazed back up at him with her sad eyes.

To lead this poor boy back home…

He pulled back slightly, rolling onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his vision blurring. Well I hope I’m not lost…
But I think that hope is now distancing…

"What’s wrong…?"

And the words that secure a cause…
Are now faint whisperings…

She leaned over him, tracing the line of his jaw.

"Michael…?"

He couldn’t answer her.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"We don’t have to do anything…" she said softly, stroking his face.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"We can just be here together."

I don’t know…I just might alone…

"I’m afraid if we do this I won’t be able to leave." He said quietly.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"But I don’t want to leave without sharing this with you…"

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

"…I want you to be the one…"

I don’t know…

"I know how you feel…I feel how you feel."

I’ve just got to go…My way…

He touched her cheek, ran his fingers across her lips, holding her close. She wrapped herself around him, she was his blanket. She kept him warm and he cherished her, he loved her with all his being. This moment would last forever in his heart, in her heart…

***

They stood together outside of Nasedo’s trailer, beside his car, waiting. They hadn’t spoken since they’d left his apartment. They hadn’t let go of each other’s hand the whole way there.

Fifteen minutes.

She stood behind him, resting her forehead against his shoulder. He could hear her trying not to cry, trying to be strong. He was doing the same.

Ten minutes.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

He held her hand even tighter, and she squeezed his back.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

Five minutes.

I don’t know…I just might alone…

There was a stirring in the air, a low hum that seemed to rise up from the sand, but it was coming from above them.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

Michael looked up at the circle of light.

Who’s gonna wear my crown…

She let go of his hand.

I don’t know… I’ve just got to go…

As the humming grew louder, the particles of light gathered themselves together, tightening until the light was a pillar. All he had to do was step into it.

He turned to Maria. She was staring up at the ship, her lips parted slightly. She looked at him. She touched his face. Their lips met for one last kiss. She stepped away first.

He stood there for a moment, staring at her.

"Go…" She whispered.

"I love you…"

"I love you…" Her voice cracked and she swallowed painfully. She bit her lip. "Go, Michael…"

He turned. He stepped into the light. He looked up into it.

He saw his thoughts and memories reflected back at him in a quick succession. First, images of his childhood, of Max and Isabel. Then the visions he had had of long forgotten symbols found in his dreams, in his subconscious, images of his obsession filled the circle.

The light was brighter with these thoughts, and then dimmed slightly when those disappeared. And all there was was Maria, her face, her touch, her voice, her love. Every moment they’d ever shared, every word they’d ever said to each other came rushing back at him from the circle.

The light was wavering. He pictured the "V" of stars behind the ship that seemed to cradle it in the sky and the light shone brilliantly. But he kept returning to her.

"I love you".

The light faded and he heard a voice within the hum."This is not what you want, is it?" It murmured.

Michael recognized it. Nasedo. "Make your choice…"

"Help me, Nasedo…"

"Look into your heart…your answer is there."

Michael tilted his head back, his face soaking in the heat and the light as he stared into it once more as it pulsated around his body. The "V" reappeared before him, bright and brilliant and beautiful. It exploded into a million stars and when it reformed it was a face. It was Maria. He knew his heart.

He stepped out of the light. It flickered and died. The humming softened and faded. The ship hovered for a moment in question, but he made no move to go back to it. There was a final flash of light, and the ship disappeared, leaving a trail of white fire in the sky as it sped away.

He turned to face Maria. She was staring at him in disbelief.

"What…happened…?"

"I chose you."

She took a stumbling step towards him, and they fell into each other’s arms.

"You’re here…you’re really here…you’re staying…" She whispered against his chest, and he pressed his lips against her hair.

"I’m staying…" He tilted her chin up and looked into her eyes, shining as bright as the light had with happiness, with love. "Looks like you’re stuck with me…"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair. He wasn’t thinking of anything else right then. He wasn’t thinking that he would never see the place where he was born, that he would never see the people who shared his blood, his powers, his history. For the first time in his life none of this mattered to him. For the first time he felt at peace. He felt like he had finally come home.

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