Category: sappy Max & Liz stuff
Rating: PG/maybe PG-13
Disclaimer: Max, Liz, and the rest of the crew are not mine. The Song & Title are from Lifehouse.
Summary: Just something I wish would happen. Max wants some answers and turns to the only one who can give them to him.
Spoilers: Viva Las Vegas, I guess. Nothing major
Feedback: This is my first fic so I would REALLY appreciate any feedback you could give me, since I have a couple more in the works.
Author's note: I highly recommend Lifehouse's CD "No Name Face" Two of their songs have already been played on Roswell, and the CD is just awesome. Thanks to Steph for being my beta! I love you babe!

*********************

It's been so hard these past six months. Of course, last summer was rough, knowing Liz was alone, all the way across the country in Florida. But it was kinda like that saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." Since I didn't have to see her beautiful face everyday, I could kinda pretend that it wasn't really over. I kept telling myself that as soon as I saw her again, everything would be the same as it was before the whole "Summer of Destiny." But these six months since she stepped back into Roswell and back into my life have been harder than I ever could have imagined.

At first it wasn't too bad. She wouldn't return my phone calls, avoided me in the hallways, and spent a lot of her time alone and away from the group. But I still caught her looking at me out of the corner of her eye in Science Lab, and she still waited on my table when I hung out at the Crashdown, so I knew there was a small chance that she hadn't completely given up on me yet.

So I kept trying. I ate greasy Crashdown food everyday for two months. I left anonymous flowers on her balcony. I even tried singing to her. And slowly, I thought I could see the walls between us start to come down. And then it hit me, I knew exactly what would make her come back. A Gomez concert, just the two of us. How could Liz pass up a concert under the stars with her favorite band? I was bursting to tell her about it, but instead I walked around all day long with the tickets in my pocket, waiting for the perfect time to tell her. That's when things went from bad to worse.

Liz did the unthinkable, something so horrible that I don't even want to say it, I can't say it. I don't even know how I didn't completely lose control that night. My stomach was so twisted I knew I had to throw up and my eyes were burning with unshed tears. But I couldn't begin to unleash my sorrow and anger because my heart was crushed so badly that the pain from that eclipsed everything else. I just sat there, numb to everything around me. I was like a zombie for days, especially when I was alone. It was like there was this movie playing in my head and the only thing it could show me was Liz's eyes, Liz's hair, Liz's little hands. And then I would see Liz, my Liz, touching Kyle with those same small hands, looking at him with those deep doe eyes, caressing him with her soft flowing hair. I don't care how many battles I fight in the future or how many wars I've won in the past, nothing will ever be as hard as admitting to myself that she's gone.

But there's still part of me that believes in her, in us. And that part of me resurfaced, when we were dancing in Vegas last week. That vision, flash, whatever it was, awakened something that I had buried deep inside myself. There was a moment there when I knew she loved me and she almost said so, she almost told me her secret. But as quickly as the moment came, it passed. And I can't let things stay the same anymore. That little moment, when she said my name like it was the most powerful word in the world, that was enough to make me want, make me need to know the truth. And that's why I'm here tonight, climbing up the ladder to Liz's balcony again. I've got to get some answers, I've got to find the truth.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you
******************

I promised her I wouldn't ask her about this anymore. So I won't ask. She'll have to tell me instead. The problem is how do I get her to do that? How can I make her trust me again? This confusion reminds me of when I first told Liz my secret, about my being not-of-this-earth. I had to make her trust me and there was only one way to do that: let her see me, the real me. So that's what I'm gonna try tonight. I'll show her that I'm still the same Max and I always will be.

She looks so peaceful there. I can tell she's not sleeping yet, in fact it looks like she's reading something, probably her journal. Now that I'm closer to the window, I can tell she's drawing something. It looks like a dress, a wedding dress? No, it couldn't be. She can't be thinking the same crazy things that I am. She must be able to sense that I am near, the same way I can feel the air change when she enters a room, because she quickly shuts her journal and looks to the window before I even have a chance to knock. I can't help but let my eyes drift to her soft shoulders and that thin strip of skin peeking out from below her tank top. And right now those plaid pajama pants look sexier on her than anything else I've ever seen her in.

As she crawls out of bed and slowly makes her way over to me, I can tell that this is it. If I can't make her mine tonight, then it's all over. The pounding, the aching inside of me is stronger than it's ever been and it just might be the last thing I ever feel, if I can't get control of it. Tonight's the night, I'm not leaving here until I can love her again.

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
**********************************

The rattle of the window pane matches the rattling in my chest. There's a moment of silence where our eyes lock and immediately I feel as though I'm seeing straight into her soul. Her words and actions might tell me that she doesn't want to have me in her life, but her eyes, her eyes are a whole different story. Those eyes are begging me to kiss her, to kiss her until it's all she can remember. A kiss with no beginning and no end, just the two of us united forever. My eyes flick down to her lips for just a second. Her lips are glistening from where she subconsciously ran her tongue across them a moment ago. How long has it been since I last kissed those sweet lips? Of course I've done it thousands of times in the nights of restless dreams since I met her. But how long has it been since I really kissed her, since I let her kiss me? And before I even realize it, I'm climbing into her room and kissing her. Just once soft and simple, just to let her know what I intend to do and give her the chance to back away if she really wants to. And I begin to count in my head, one...two...and before I hit three she steps back.

Damnit, I should have known it would happen this way. That she would just reject me once again. Why did I think it would be different now? She didn't see what I saw in our future or feel what I did when I saw it. She doesn't know how great our love could be if we just let it grow. If she just...

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
********************

Then her lips were on me again, kissing me as though it were like oxygen to her, as if she would die if she didn't get enough. And the only thing I could do was kiss her back. That's when it came, a vision of us dancing under the stars. The look of love was all around us and I knew that this wasn't just something from my imagination, it was real. We couldn't have been much older than we are now, but there was a sense of peace and pride in the air, a feeling of satisfaction, like it was the most important day of my, or should I say our, entire lives. I didn't have to look at Liz to know that she had seen it too, but when I did finally open my eyes, I noticed tears streaming down her face. She turned away from me and picked up her journal, quickly flipping to a page that looked as though she had read many times before. She passed the book to me and sat there silently waiting for my reaction.

What I read will stay with me for the rest of my life. She had written about me, well the future version of me, and what I had asked her to do. It was all there in plain truth, twelve pages worth of emotion and heartache. The last words she wrote were, "I'm so sorry, Max." And that was the last straw. The tears were pouring down my face now too. The mix of emotions running through me were just too much to handle. Hurt for being lied to for so long, anger at myself for putting Liz through all of this, but mostly amazement at what Liz had sacrificed for me. The realization of what she did for me was enough to start me sobbing and I slipped off the edge of the bed and just knelt there next to her crying.

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you.
***********************************

I heard her whisper my name and I looked up into those deep dark eyes. I could tell that all the emotions I was having trouble controlling were running their course through her too. As she started to apologize I silently put my finger over her lips. "It's OK. Everything will be OK now. I always knew that you were my destiny, Liz. This is just the way that things were meant to be. Now that we know what our weaknesses are, we can avoid making the same mistakes, right? But no matter how many faults I might have, I know my greatest strength is you. We can't lose anything by being together, it can only make things better. And now that I've seen what I've seen and read what you wrote, there's nothing you or anyone else could say to change my mind. You are everything to me Liz, you always will be." Then she said the only words left to say, to make it permanent, "I love you too, Max."

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That could change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
************************

Today is exactly fourteen years since the day when Liz and I cemented our relationship. No, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about that night I went to her room and we promised to never lie to each other again. I won't tell you everything about our lives, but I will tell you that the world hasn't come to an end yet. All of our friends and families are still happy and healthy, except for Maria who has been complaining about recent bouts of morning sickness again. Poor Michael has enough of a time handling the four little ruffians they already have. Alex, Isabel, and little A.J. just moved back to Roswell last month, after spending a couple of years in Europe. And Liz and I did elope to Florida, but not before Tess and Kyle got married in some Elvis chapel in Las Vegas.

After ten years of marriage and no threat of intergalactic war, I am completely comfortable in my relationship with Liz. It's just the two of us doing whatever we want to do. Unfortunately, Liz has been showing signs of restlessness. She's been really quiet and moody lately. If I didn't know better, I would think that she's keeping secrets from me again, but I think she just needs a vacation. That's why I've planned this fabulous trip to Hawaii. I think we both could use a little bit of a change.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
When chasing after you.
*********************

We arrived here in the land of Aloha three days ago and everything's been great. We spent the entire first day alone in our hotel room. That's something that we haven't done in a while, but we couldn't spend our entire visit to paradise islands inside. Yesterday, we took pictures of some volcanos, learned to surf, went shopping for souvenirs, and we even got to swim with some dolphins. But Liz is still rather quiet.

I just don't understand what could be wrong. Maybe she's sick or something. In fact, she's in the bathroom right now. Something's gotta be wrong. I knocked on the door, but she didn't answer. I unlocked it and burst inside to see Liz standing by the sink holding a little white stick. "Are you OK?" She just held up the stick-looking thing, smiled at me, and said, "Congratulations, daddy."

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you.
***********************************

If there is one thing that I've learned during my lifetime with Liz it is that you can't plan things out or put things in order, you just have to take each moment as it comes, and hang onto it until you can't hang on anymore.

Just hanging by a moment here with you

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