Rating:PG-13
Category:M/M
Summary: Maria rant
Spoilers: The Hybrid Chronicles
Disclaimer: < Checks tag in Michael's jeans > M-A-R-I-A. Nope, still not mine.
Author's Note: People have commented on Maria's attitude during the Hybrid Chronicles arc. Here's my explanation for her behavior. Some poeple might notice that i combined the original and the tag so it can be posted all at once. This is based off of 3 of the 4 Chronicles, and the promos for the last one.

****

Man, I'll tell you, I am so tired of all this. I know Michael loves me, but he's acting like such a butt. There's all that crap about "protecting" me, where he alternately watches every move I make and avoids me like the plague.

Maybe I am acting like a bitch, but I think I have reason to. I thought we were getting somewhere again. All that Destiny crap shows up and ruins whatever it was Michael and I had. He avoided me all summer, didn't even bother to come by and explain anything himself. I found out everything I know about the Michael/Isabel Destiny thing through Max and Liz, when either of them actually would talk about it. And believe me, that wasn't often. Liz would cry, and Max would get all depressed. I had to buy him a new Counting Crows CD after the player in the Jetta destroyed the one he had. I don't even like Counting Crows, but I let him play it while we were driving. And of course, the Jetta being a car with discriminating taste, eats it. Typical.

Oh, sorry, didn't mean to bring up Isabel.

Then Michael borrows my car to talk to that old guy, and everything got even more random. He takes me up to this big crystal thing, actually thanks me for being there and helping and stuff, which, as we all know, is a very unMichaelish thing to do.

So, I'm thinking we're back together. Or at the very least, no longer broken up. See the difference?

Then the Courtney-slut is all over him, and the idiot doesn't even seem to notice that she is throwing herself at him. Then I found him....well, you know that part already, Alex. So I won't bother repeating it. Except that I absolutely hated her. Did you hear some of the lame lines she fed him? She had to have been an alien to come up with those. Mikey G? I shudder.

You, know, when we found the 'Michael, King of the Pod People' shrine in her apartment, I figured he'd be totally weirded out. He had a fit last year when I met him at the door of one of his classes. Said it was just unnatural that I would know his class schedule. And I agree, it was strange. It's not like he was ever there enough in all of his classes for me to learn what they were. So why didn't he freak? Was it because she was an alien too? Or just because he's an ego maniac?

Then he saves her husk. Did you know she tried it on in front of him? How gross is that? 'Excuse me while I peel off my SKIN.' That's just nasty in so many ways.

So she dies 'to protect his secret.' That's what he said. I still can't believe Michael told her where everything was! Mr. Paranoia himself is sharing information right and left with someone we know is whacked in the head. I mean, hello, a Michael Shrine? She's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic. I mean, I like the guy and all, but that's just eerie.

So now he's back to avoiding me. Or trying to, anyway. I stayed on his case. And I guess he did feel guilty about the whole Courtney-slut investigation that I interrupted to find her in a towel and Michael calling her 'Baby.' Gag me. He's never called me Baby. He called me Honey once, but that was a joke. He barely even calls me by my name. Three little syllables, how hard is that? Ma Ri A. But no.

Anyway, back to the story. I guess he felt guilty or something, and I'll admit it, I ragged him about it. He deserved it. Couldn't he have come up with a less naked way of investigating? Or at least told me what he was doing? So, he brings up Christmas.

No, I'm serious, it was all his idea. I just warned him that I expected a little better than generic shampoo this time. I wanted to make it a little easier on him, so I gave him a price limit. I didn't want him to not eat because he bought me an expensive present.

And, for the record, what on earth...or wherever, do you get an antisocial alien with bad hair? A subscription to Tabasco Lovers? UFO of the Month?

Anyway, so I tried to give him some ideas, cause you know, he's a guy and he's clueless...present company excluded, of course. And he got all offended, said I was busting his ass about this present thing. Well, excuse me! I was trying to help!

And then he gets me a bumper. Honestly, a bumper? Yes, it was thoughtful, in his twisted Michael way. But after the big deal he made about it , I figured there was no way he would get me a bumper for Christmas. And then he pulls out this box with real pearl earrings in it. Pearls? How the heck did he afford them? I wonder if Isabel had anything to do with it. Maybe she helped pick them out or something.

There I go again with the Isabel thing. I won't say her name again, I promise.

I know, I know. You're big time over her and dating Heidi or whatever her name is from Sweden. Yeah, whatever. I know you better than that, buddy.

So he gets me pearls. Even goes to Midnight Service with me and my mom and acts mostly civilized the whole time. Then, BAM, Christmas is over, and he is back to skulking around the Crashdown kitchen and only speaking to me when forced. This time, I have no idea why. But if I hear one more thing about Stonewalls, or Seconds, or Soldiers, I'm going to choke him with my order pad. Seems fitting to me that a real live alien should be killed by something with a UFO logo on it.

Go ahead and laugh. You agree, don't you? Maybe I should stab him with my name tag instead. It has an alien head on it... And the added benefit of being able to identify his murderer. Never mind, I'll think of something else.

And now, here's this completely random girl we found in a hole in a ground. And, compared to her, the Courtney-slut was the epitome of sanity. And Michael is obsessed with her. Big surprise. Maybe if I could convince him that I am really an undercover cop posing as his girl pause friend, he'd actually want to hang around me.

So after being blown off by this guy countless times, guess who is picked to keep watch on the police station with him? You got it, DeLuca herself. So we chat. And we sorta bond...and I still am not sure what that guy in the hardware was planning on doing with that thing after he plugged it in, but I shudder. I really do.

So we get to take the Jetta on yet another cross country trip complete with gun shots and crazy people. Yay. You would think that one of the pod people would think to use the Force for the side of good and fix my mom's car, but no. Do you know how hard it was to come up with a reason for the whole back window being blown out last year?

Anyway, so after Nutcase wrecks the ambulance and we start getting shot at, guess who Michael covers from the gun shots. I'll give you a hint, it wasn't me. Nope. And I was the one who didn't have cover from the car at that point in time. Oh, I feel cared about. He did tell me to get down though, so I guess that's something.

No, I wasn't hurt. But it was really freaky. See, at least you ask. And act like you care.

Then Psycho tries to destroy my car. She tore off the sun visor and tried to kill my CD player, which is completely unacceptable. Whenever Michael and I talk, we end up arguing, so the CD player must be functional for us to be able to get along for any lengthy amount of time in a small car.

I hope the Jetta eats his new Metallica CD.

And I do know he isn't completely emotionally retarded, even if he acts like it most of the time. And yes, he has feelings, and me being bitchy might have hurt them. But right now, I don't really care.

Am I doomed to be the only blonde in Roswell Michael wants nothing to do with? First Isabel, then the Courtney-slut, now Laurie the Loony Tune. For someone who has trust issues, he sure has been trusting of complete strangers lately.

Maybe he's possessed. It would explain a lot.

So now he's all gung ho about getting Psycho Girl out of Grandpa 1935's house. And, I mean, those people were weird, so I can't really blame him for it. I don't really want to leave her there either, and I don't like her much at all. Did she have to mutilate the Jetta?

I want him to have his answers. Really. I would just like to know what I'm supposed to do now. Do I wait for him? Ignore him? He keeps blowing hot and cold. And I just don't know how to deal with this.

It was bad enough with just the FBI on our tail. But now, its all kinds of aliens, and crazy humans, and abductees, and weird blue crystals trying to eat our friends popping up all over.

I gotta go, Alex.

Help Liz keep my mom off the ceiling, ok?

*****

Hey, how's it going?

Yeah, we're still in Arizona. We'll be headed back soon.

I'm tired. It's been crazy this whole time. And the Jetta isn't the most comfortable place to try to sleep. Especially with a snoring Spaceboy less than two feet away all last night.

We've got Laurie. He came up with this entire stupid plan about breaking in and coming to her rescue like some psychotic alien knight in glow in the dark armor.

And we get in, or he gets in, anyway. I was busy running from a guard and being a distraction.

And, of course, he runs right into Laurie, who is trying to get out, and right into some guards and her weird relatives who are chasing her. And one of whom actually has a gun.

They SHOT him, Alex. He could have been killed! And for what? For some crazy girl who might not have any answers for him anyway. For some stupid vision he has about how his life is supposed to be.

Laurie didn't even stop. She was too busy screaming about aliens and curtains. I have no idea what aliens have to do with curtains, but there you go.

I saw him fall. I was so scared that I had lost him, that he was already dead. It was awful.

I got to him before the guards did, and we kept running. I can't really remember how we got to the car. But I do know that I have blood all over my new red top.

I really wish I had a change of clothes.

Somehow, we make it to the Jetta, Laurie included. I guess the curtains were enough to make her decide who she trusted. Whatever.

I think he's ok. I'm not really sure though, he kept trying to talk to Laurie and make sure she was ok while I was trying to look at where he was hit. He didn't even acknowledge me. Well, he said 'Ow' once and told me to take it easy, if that counts.

So he's jabbering away while I'm trying to keep him from bleeding to death, and she's still all freaked and getting in the way. He figured out how to heal himself mostly, so he's ok.

And now we're back to business as usual. Nutcase is asleep in the backseat, and Michael is getting some food from a gas station.

He didn't say thank you. Again.

And he asked me what my problem was earlier.

What's my problem? My problem is that my pseudo boyfriend is clueless. Why should I be upset that he was almost killed? Why should I be upset that he barely acknowledges my existence even after he was shot and got blood all over my car?

Why should I care that its Valentine's Day, and that he didn't even ask me if I was ok? He's so worried about Laurie, that he doesn't have time, I guess. I bet he doesn't know what day it is, anyway.

I just needed to talk to somebody normal for a minute. We should be back sometime tonight. Want to get together and watch 'Love Sucks' movies? I'll bring the ice cream.

Happy Valentine's Day, Alex. I love you too.

Back to Area 51 (Section I)