Disclaimer: No, not mine.

Summary: Maria comes to a decision about Michael.

Spoilers: Sort of everything up to an including "Independence Day"

Feedback: Sure!

"This can't be happening. Not again. I cannot go through this again." Maria stalked into her history class and threw herself into her chair, avoiding Alex's questioning gaze.

She wondered if anyone had witnessed the humiliating scene she'd just tortured herself with, in the hallway outside of her history class. Her face flamed as she caught Liz's sympathetic look from the seat next to her, her whispered "are you all right?"

Maria nodded curtly and grit her teeth, muttering a curse. Of course Liz had heard her altercation with Michael. Liz had been right there beside her, seemingly engrossed in trading longing glances with Max. Maria sighed. Life was so easy for Liz. Max might be an alien, but at least he wasn't a damaged, neurotic alien. Not like his good buddy Michael.

Michael. Mr. Stone Wall, she thought viciously. How could he be so warm and tender one minute, and act like she was some stranger the next? He had no right to treat her this way. Just when she thought she could relax with him, just when she thought she could approach him without bracing for a verbal blow, he sucker punched her again. She slumped lower in her seat, gnawing savagely on a fingernail. There were no gray areas in their relationship.

Relationship? What relationship?! Things between them were either extremely intense ("oh my", she thought sarcastically, "now there's that scary word again!") or extremely cold. Stir fry or freezer burn.

And while Maria was the first to admit that she wasn't a particularly even tempered person, some mild temperatures and sunny skies would be really nice, for a change. Being on the Michael roller coaster was exhausting. She hated to be exhausted.

Maria took a deep breath. Some of the anger and humiliation drained out of her, and she felt the disappointment seep in. It wasn't a big thing, really. Certainly not the end of the world. It was just - she'd been so sure that he'd say yes. Things had been really good between she and Michael lately. He'd come out from behind his wall more and more, showing her the kindness that she'd been certain lurked within him.

She'd been afraid to read too much into it, but they'd actually had some real conversations, and about things other than speculations about his home world and Sheriff Valenti. Was it her imagination that he seemed to seek out her company? He arrived often at the Crashdown during her work shift, camping out in the back booth, doing his homework, watching her, talking to her. Bumming a ride home when her shift was over.

Despite herself, she always felt that same thrill of anticipation as they drove through the dark streets to his new apartment. Would he exit her car smirking, with another sarcastic remark about what a piece of crap it was? Would he linger for a moment, looking at her with that warm light in his eyes, leaning over to kiss her softly? Would he invite her in? And if he did, would she go? The suspense kept her on edge. She hated being on edge.

She frowned, idly tapping her pen against her history notebook. Maybe she'd been crazy to ask him, crazy to think he'd agree. Her mind had skipped right past whether or not he'd actually accept, and had gone directly to envisioning attending the event with him. Of course it was just a stupid high school dance. It meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. But The Whits had passed the audition and would be performing, and Alex had asked her to sing. She'd been thrilled. She'd wanted Michael there, to see her perform, to be proud of her. She'd wanted to impress him.

She slumped even lower in her chair, hating herself. That was another thing she hated about Michael. He made her hate herself.

But when she'd asked him to go, asked him to take her, he'd reacted with something just short of horror. A school dance? No way. What did she think, he'd asked scornfully, that he was her boyfriend or something? She'd felt the heat climb into her cheeks as she struggled to keep her face impassive. She'd spat something vicious back at him, why on earth would she think that, OF COURSE she didn't think that! A boyfriend was someone who asked you out on dates, someone who made an effort to be with you, someone you could count on, someone who gave a damn. Don't worry Michael, I could never mistake you for someone like that!

The crowded hallway around them had fallen silent at her outburst. Michael had been silent, and the red haze that obscured her vision had obscured his face. He'd made her lose her temper. She hated losing her temper.

What had possessed her to ask him? It was certainly possible that she was losing her mind. The events of the last few months would make anyone crazy. The shooting, the healing, the terror, the secrets. The road trip to Texas, where she'd first seen a glimpse of a lonely, needy young man, and felt the pull of a kindred spirit. The reluctant physical attraction she felt for him. The unconscious, almost unwilling flirtation that had resulted in the unexpected kiss at the Crashdown. To calm her down. Right. The dizzying, heart pounding, gasping encounters in the eraser room, followed by his crushing rejection of her at the old soap factory. Her terror when Michael fell ill, and it dawned on her that he might actually die. The panic when she realized how much he had come to mean to her. Her pain and fury when he denied that she meant anything to him. The night he came to her window in the pouring rain, proving himself wrong.

Had she been kidding herself lately, thinking that he was glad to see her, thinking that he was actually seeking out her company? An hour ago she would've said no. Now, she wasn't so sure. That was another thing she hated about Michael Guerin. He made her doubt her own sanity.

Maria started when Liz hissed her name, realizing that their teacher was well into the day's lecture. She blinked, and bent her pen to her history notebook. She was not going to dwell on this. It was important that she pay attention in this class. There was a midterm coming up, and she hadn't done too well on the last test. Of course she could pay attention. No way would she daydream this class away.

Maria's gaze fell to the page under her pen and sighed. Apparently she hadn't been paying much attention in yesterday's history class either. She seemed to have spent most of the class doodling Michael's name. She glanced around her self-consciously, hoping no one else was looking over her shoulder. Liz was beside her, seemingly engrossed in the lecture. Alex was on her other side. He looked attentive, but she could see how his eyes were glazed over. Poor Alex, he had problems of his own.

Her jaw set. She'd been wasting far too much of her valuable time mooning over Michael. She had a life, didn't she? She was no Liz Parker or Isabel Evans, but she wasn't ugly. She was a nice person with an outgoing personality. She could sing. She had no problems talking to people. She had everything going for her, right? Not all the male attention she'd received lately had been due to her experiment with the aqua bra.

Maria narrowed her eyes. There were plenty fish in the sea. She was finished trying to catch Michael Guerin.

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