"Hey."

Alex Whitman nearly choked on his sandwich. It wasn't so much the greeting that startled him but the person offering it. He took a hasty swig of his soda and tried to compose his expression. Michael Guerin thumped a candy bar and a can of veggie juice onto the lunch table and dropped into the chair bedside him.

"Uh... hi."

"What does Maria want?" Michael asked without preamble.

Alex blinked at him. "Excuse me?"

"Maria. What does she want?"

"Could you be a little more specific?"

"Blonde girl. Never stops talking..."

"I know who Maria is," Alex interrupted with a grin. "What do you mean what does she want?"

Michael frowned at his meager lunch and didn't answer. Alex waited patiently. He knew that sometimes it took the moody boy awhile to sift out exactly the words he wanted. His curiosity was piqued and he didn't dare risk causing Michael to bolt by pushing him too quickly. He took another bite of his sandwich.

"What does she want me to do to make her happy?" Michael asked at last.

Alex bit back the snappy quip that he would have hurled at any other friend. For one thing, he still wasn't entirely sure that what he and Michael had could properly be called a friendship. For another, he wasn't entirely sure that the alien had a sense of humor. Michael was being deadly serious and Alex wasn't at all eager to find out if that was a literal expression or not.

"Max is no help," Michael continued. "All his advice just... went wrong." He sighed dejectedly. "She expects me to know how this works. And I just don't."

"How what works?" he asked cautiously.

"This... relationship?"

Alex wisely smothered his smile at the perplexed tone. Then he realized what Michael was really asking and his amusement completely evaporated. Michael was asking him for advice on girls. Him. Alex Whitman. For advice. On girls. Again, if it had been anyone else he would have howled with laughter. But despite even the tentative bonds they had begun forming Michael Guerin was still the scariest person he knew. Laughter was completely out of the question.

"So, why me?"

Michael shrugged. "Who else is there?"

Point taken. But if Max had been unsuccessful at teaching Michael how to be romantic, what chance did he have? If Maria's future happiness depended on what wisdom chess-boy could pass along to space-boy then he was afraid that she was probably going to be in for a lot of heartbreak.

"What have you already tried?"

"Dating," Michael said shortly.

"And?"

"Crash and burn." The unopened candy bar was slowly being kneaded into a broken, melted mess. "She didn't like my gift and… I couldn't actually afford the dinner."

Ouch. "Dare I ask what the gift was?"

"Shampoo."

Ouch ouch. "Okay, for starters, don't get her anything practical. Get her something she doesn't need. Something that she would never buy for herself." Alex paused as he realized what a wide range of disastrous options was left open by that suggestion and quickly amended it. "It would have to be something that you know she would like. You have to show that you put some thought into it." He looked at Michael's crumbling lunch. He doubted that it had cost more than a buck-fifty total. "Y'know, though, you don't really need to buy her anything."

Michael gave him a disbelieving glance. "Then what?"

Alex thought. "Do something for her."

"Wasn't that my original question?"

"You do realize that I'm not really an expert at this, don't you?"

"No kiddin'?"

"Okay, think. What does she like?"

"Besides smelling stuff?" Michael shrugged. "Music? Dalmatians? Rocky Road ice cream?"

"Sure. All you have to do is think of something that she likes and find a way to do something involving that."

"That's all?" Michael drawled sarcastically. "You're nearly as helpful as Maxwell."

"How about dancing?"

"We're trying to *avoid* personal humiliation, thank you."

"Stargazing?"

"Like Amy would let her out of the house with that story."

"Movie?"

"I'm thinking that a matinee date movie is an oxymoron and I can't afford night prices."

Alex sighed and took another swig of cola. His own forays into the dating world were decidedly less than spectacular. He honestly couldn't think of any more useful suggestions to offer. Most of his strategies had resulted in "crash and burn", too. But wondering at his own sanity, he did venture one more piece of advice.

"You know that Maria's like a sister to me," he said, fixing Michael with a serious look. "And since she doesn't have a dad or a real big brother to stand up for her… I just want you to know that if you ever hurt her again..."

"The line forms to the left, Whitman," Michael said dryly. "If I ever hurt her again by the time everybody in front of you takes their piece out of my hide there's not gonna be a lot left for you to kick around."

Alex nodded. Probably true, he thought. If Maria didn't kill Michael herself then her mom and Liz would be more than happy to do it for her. And Isabel might smack him around a bit just on general principles. Weaker sex? Yeah, right. But he still felt better for putting his two cents in on that account. It was the guy thing to do. He shivered as Michael's eyes narrowed abruptly.

"Isabel does have a dad," the alien said. "And she does have a brother. But if you ever hurt Izzy they won't be the ones you'll have to worry about."

Alex swallowed hard and nodded. He had no doubt that Michael could mop the floor with him without breaking a sweat. He started as the bell rang and jumped up quickly. Then he stopped. He and Michael both had biology this period. It would kind of be rude to dash off now when they were both heading the same direction. He was more than a little relieved when Michael waved him away absently.

"Don't wait up," Michael said. "I'm gonna ditch."

Alex bolted.

* * *

"Hey."

Alex looked up warily and was startled to see a bright grin on Michael's face as he sat down beside him.

"I did it," the alien said with unsettling cheer.

"Did what?"

"Thought of something she likes and found a way to do something about it."

"What?"

"Smelling stuff." Michael opened his juice and surreptitiously dumped a packet of hot sauce into it.

Alex studied him nervously. Michael seemed to be in a remarkably good mood. But smelling stuff…? "Do I really want to know?"

"I had to borrow her car," Michael admitted. "But I took her to the botanical gardens in Albuquerque on Saturday." He beamed proudly. "It took all day, but she loved it."

Alex thumped him on the shoulder. "I knew you could do it! So, now… I have a question for you." Michael looked up from the orange that he was trying to peel. "Any ideas on where I could take Isabel this Friday?"

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