*~*~*

Days of Future Past:

Lost and Gone Forever

*~*~*

She was furious – so furious she was speechless which was a first for her, but she was positive that the power of speech would return to her eventually and once it did she wanted to be around someone who would let her bitch her head off and not try to convince her that "everything was going to be okay", that her mother would "come to her senses" and decide against asking Jim Valenti and his annoying borderline-stalker son to move in with them.

That discounted Liz.

And pretty much Alex too.

She had gone to Michael’s apartment, knowing she could rely on his generally pessimistic attitude to get her through it. She needed to be around someone right now who would just let her be angry.

She didn’t fight with her mother often – the petty little squabbles about stupid things like clothes or the car were few and far between, but this had been major. Maria had yelled, and she hated yelling. She had stamped her foot like a child and whined and begged and pleaded. She hated herself for her behavior but she was desperate. It was bad enough when he was dating her mother but now he’d be living in her house. Her home – the one place she had felt safe from him.

He still scared her.

And then there was that other thing. The thing that had been at the back of her mind for years without her really being aware of it until tonight. It hit her suddenly as she stood in his dingy hallway waiting for him to answer his door. If her mother moved in with Valenti, things might work out really well between them. And if things worked out really well between them they might want to take the next step.

Marriage.

If her mom…married…Valenti…then she couldn’t marry her dad. Completely ridiculous, she realized, to be harboring some secret hope that her father – whom she hadn’t seen in eight years – would suddenly appear, sweep her mother off her feet, convince her to forgive him, convince Maria that he never meant to leave, and that it had all been a horrible, horrible, mistake and that everything would be wonderful – the way it should be. Her, her mother, her father. The three of them together at last, a complete family. When she had confessed her little fantasy to Michael in that icky hotel room, she hadn’t realized it was more than that – she hadn’t realized that some part of her was actually waiting for him, actually expecting him to come and complete her life, and give her back the family she had been yearning for since she was seven years old.

And now she would never have that because Valenti was moving in. Valenti was taking her father’s place.

Michael opened the door and she burst into tears.

It was a general rule of hers not to cry in front of people. She didn’t like people knowing when she was hurt, when she was in pain. She hated people feeling sorry for her. Maybe that was why she was able to cry in front of Michael, why she didn’t automatically swallow her sobs and force her tears back to where they had come from. Because he wouldn’t feel sorry for her. He knew how much she hated to be pitied. Because he hated it too.

He hadn’t said anything.

He had taken her in his arms, closed the door behind them, and led her to the couch. They sat down and he held her until the sun sank below the earth and her sobs grew softer and softer until they were replaced with sniffles and deep breaths. She disentangled herself from him, embarrassed, and he placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"You can stay here if you need to…for as long as you need to…" She took a deep breath, nodding, and whispered, "Thanks". She laid down on the couch, his bed, pressing her back against the cushions, making room for him. He laid down beside her without a trace of his usual hesitation and wrapped his arms around her once again. She rested her head against his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair, and smoothed the tears away from her face. He pressed his lips against her forehead, just like he had the day they decided to "try the friends thing for awhile", and she closed her eyes as he kept them there. She fell asleep in his arms, as he had hers all those months ago.

She woke up to the sound of a phone ringing and a loss of warmth as Michael moved away from her, reaching for the phone on the floor. She kept her eyes closed, not ready to wake up. It was still dark outside. Pitch black. She heard Michael mumble a sleepy hello into the receiver, pause, then say quietly, "Now’s not a good time…" Another pause. "Tonight? Are you sure?" She felt him slide off the couch, careful not to wake her. "Yeah…yeah I’ll be outside in five minutes…" He hung up the phone. Silence for a moment, and then she heard him move back to the couch. She felt him leaning over her, and she opened her eyes slightly, looking up at him through her eyelashes. He was staring down at her, his lips parted slightly, a thousand emotions filling his dark eyes. His expression was completely unguarded. It told her what he could not bring himself to say in words.

He gently caressed the side of her face with his knuckles, once from her cheekbone to her chin thinking she was still asleep. He slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, so soft it took her breath away. She wanted to ask him where he was going, wanted to pull him back to her, wanted to let him know that she was awake and that she thought their "just friends" clause was stupid and just delaying the inevitable, but she was afraid of embarrassing him and so she kept still.

He kissed her one more time before getting up and walking to the door. She heard him lock it behind him, heard him run down the hallway, his feet pounding down the steps. She held the blanket he had draped over her to her cheek, breathing in his scent, feeling warm all over, and fell asleep, knowing that when she woke up he’d be beside her again, as though he had never left at all.

She awoke for the second time to the jarring ring of the telephone, and blindly reached out for it. She picked it up, and was about to press the "talk" button when a wave of anxiety washed over her.

Something was wrong.

"…Hello…?"

"Maria…something’s happened…Can you get to the Crashdown?"

"Liz what’s going on…"

"Maria I’ll tell you when you get here…"

"No Liz, tell me now…"

"…Michael’s…Michael’s gone."

Maria was silent.

She could hear Liz on the other end of the line holding her breath. "I’ll be right there…" she whispered.

Back to Area 51 (Section II)