Rating: PG

Category: Michael POV

Summary: Michael reflects on his life with Maria

Spoilers: up until Ask Not or so

Disclaimer: none of it is mine, well the story is but the characters aren't

***

Everyone puts their faith in something, I put mine in Maria DeLuca. Everyone gives their love to someone, I gave mine to Maria DeLuca. Everyone must leave someone, I left Maria DeLuca.

Maria came into my life like a storm, tearing up the roots of all I believed in and blowing me about, leaving me beaten, vulnerable, changed. I suppose it wasn’t much different for her. It wasn’t every day you were told there were aliens living among you.

My life isn’t really something to brag about, and I would rather keep it to myself, bottle the feelings inside and try to forget. But Maria saw inside. Somehow she tore down the wall that had so long guarded my emotions, leaving me naked. She saw all the bad inside of me, and didn’t care. Sure, she tried to change me (but from my experience all women try) but she accepted me, even loved me.

And I loved her. She was beautiful, inside and out. Corny, I know, but true. The attraction to her at first was physical, man she had great legs. But her constant chatter that had at first annoyed me to the point I could’ve flown myself home with the steam from my ears, became something I looked forward to. And it wasn’t all senseless. Maria was smart, not just sexy. She was all I didn’t deserve.

I didn’t deserve something so wonderful. I couldn’t be responsible for breaking an angel’s heart. But it was done. We had tested the water and it had proved too hot. The burns were deep, the scars would forever show themselves to us, reminding us of what should have been, but could not. Every day the scars stayed the same, not healing, no matter what I tried.

I told myself I was doing the right thing. I was dangerous , a threat to her life and to her heart and soul. I couldn’t stay on this Godforsaken planet they call Earth, I had to go home. At least I thought I did. But if I left she would be alone. It was better to leave sooner. Better to break my ties to earth, make it less painful.

It was hard to stay away. Seeing her every day, seeing her hurting, seeing her healing, was worse than anything I could imagine. But I had a destiny. I was a soldier, I had a job to do, a mission. I had to find it, learn it, live it. Finally I felt I had a purpose, that there was a reason I was alive. My mind was strong, I stayed the course and searched for an answer…one I will never find.

But my heart was weak. Maria had changed me, I wasn’t the boy I was when this whole journey began. I was no longer alone, beaten and scared. I had grown up, I had learned to love, not an easy feat. And I had lost. This left me without the will to go on. I could see no reason to keep going when all I wanted was to be with Maria, to stay on earth and love her like I should’ve from the start.

I couldn’t have gone back. Believe me, I thought about it many times. But as I said, I was scared. The aliens around us, our enemies, and my own powers scared me. And I would do anything not to hurt Maria, again. I couldn’t treat her right, I couldn’t protect her from things I couldn’t even keep away from myself.

So I didn’t go back to her, not yet. I stayed away, watching her from afar. Her step wasn’t as quick as it used to be, her smile not as bright. But she was still alive, something I couldn’t guarantee if I was with her. And she was still beautiful.

And, as long as I live, she will still be mine. Because no matter where she is, or who she is with, I know I will always own her heart, and she mine.

Everyone must return to someone, I will return to Maria DeLuca. Someday.

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