rating:PG

category: M&M

summary: Maria reminices about a time with Micheal, and mirrors.

spoilers: Mentions one event/character from Harvest

disclaimer: I don't own, ROSWELL, Micheal, Maria, any Roswell cast member, event, etc.

author's notes: I wrote this really quickly. The idea just popped into my head and I didn’t want to forget it. Feedback would be really good! Enjoy!

***

Remember not to ever look at the mirror. I read that in one of those self-discovery books. But the strange thing is that I have about two million mirrors everwhere. They attract me, not as much as my cedar oil, but they’re there and when I see one in a store, I need to buy it. Not because I need to look at myself, but they remind me of Micheal and what we once had.

It was one of those visions I got when we kissed. He kissed me and I saw so many things. But one of the very few visions I still remember today was the one when we were in the Crashdown. I had run to the bathroom, because it was getting so hot, and everything was falling apart. My mom had left again to another convention, and for some reason, when I saw this father and his young daughter, at about 3 or 4 years old, sit down, I broke. All the dams fell, and I couldn’t hold on anymore. I ran right to the bathroom. Liz was really worried, but I wouldn’t let her in. What would she know? How could she understand? She had a mother and a father. She had a loving boyfriend who would do anything for her, who was so in love with her, that he couldn’t even look at another being. She had everything and here, poor little Maria Deluca had zip, zilch. I had had Micheal. I wasn’t going to let her see me, I was too ashamed.

The second time she came to the door, I told her to go away. Slowly, the door crept open. Hadn’t I locked it? I had. I remember the feel of the cool brass knob on my fingers. So I looked up, ready to ask my best friend how she managed to get in, but when I did, I didn’t see my friend with the long, straight, shiny brown hair, I saw him. I saw my world. I saw Micheal. With his new hair cut, which I liked a lot, and his hand sort of fiddling with the draw strings of his apron, and his eyes, averting left and right. I couldn’t say anything. He did.

“Maria? Are you ok?”

“What do you want, Micheal?” Ok, it was a stupid thing, he was asking me something, but when Micheal Guerin looks concerned and breaks (or uses his alien powers to unlock) the bathroom door , then asks if you’re ok, let’s see how together you are about the entire scene.

“Well--uh, I saw you run into the bathroom, and I thought something was wrong. Just wanted to see.”

“Well, Micheal, oops, Mikey G, everthing’s fine. So you can just turn around and walk right out of this cramped bathroom and get back to making whatever stupid little pouts about how Courtney’s gone. I’m fine all-by-myself.” I think he was just itching to turn around and leave, to let everything be. I had given him what he wanted, an escape route from Waterfall Deluca, and I could see his eyes registering this option. A very good option if I do remember myself. But he didn’t leave. He didn’t turn and run. He didn’t even shoot a remark back at me. He just closed the door, sat down, pulled off his apron, his bandanna, and pulled me into a hug.

“Maria. I saw the father and the little girl. I saw you run into the bathroom. I saw how you wouldn’t let Liz in. I saw the way your eyes are a little red, and I see the way you’re crying. You’re not all right, Maria. So please. PLEASE, Maria, don’t push me away.

“Micheal.” I didn’t know what else to say. My, *MY* Micheal had just said that incredibly way-too-sappy-for-Guerin speech, and he wasn’t running. Mikey G wasn’t going. So I hugged him. I hugged him like he was the only thing on Earth.

“Shh. It’s ok, Maria. What’s wrong? You usually aren’t that touchy about the uh-- matter.”

“He left me. He didn’t want me. I wasn’t good enough and that’s why he left. I couldn’t make him stay. He didn’t want to stay…He didn’t want me.”

“Oh god, Maria. That’s not true. Don’t say that.”

“It is true.”

“No, Maria. Here come on, Baby, get up, ok?” The entire speech, his entire attitude, everything was a little weird. I thought maybe he had hit his head and couldn’t remember exactly who I was, but he did. When he called me Baby, I didn’t know what to do. Except get up.

“Look at yourself, Maria,” He was nodding at the mirror, “Tell me what you see.”

Sniffle. “I see. A little thing. With hair that looks like steel wool, the cheap kind, a big Rudolph nose, an incredibly flat chest, a stubby girl…” I saw the same thing for about 10 years. Ever since I could remember, I saw myself the same way. And I guess Micheal saw something else, because his brow furrowed (in that incredibly cute, sexy way) and his mouth opened once, twice, but he never once interrupted; the beginning to a beautiful thing that saved us from many fights to come.

“NO. You know what I see, Maria? Do you?”

“What? And if it’s some stupid joke, Micheal, I don’t want to hear--“

“I see the most beautiful girl on earth. I see an angel with incredible blond curls that I just ached to pull since I was six years old. I see an adorable cute button nose, that reminds me of a cute little rabbit. I see a girl with perfect breasts. I see a girl that could beat another one anyday of the week. Even when you go to bed.” It was my turn to open my mouth once, twice, but not say anything. Micheal Guerin said those things to me. The same Micheal Guerin who was the stonewall, who couldn’t love anyone, because he couldn’t. End of discussion. The same Micheal Guerin that put Coutney’s, the same girl who he was flirting and making out with-- though he says he was getting information-- Right Mikey G, right; husk into the back of my Jetta, and didn’t say anything to me about it. I think I fell in love with the Czech all over again.

“I love you, Maria.” For the first time in my life, and for the only happy time in my life, I didn’t know what to say. The famous Maria Deluca was speechless.

“I love you too, Micheal.” And he kissed me. Not one of those Eraser-Room-Make-out-Session kisses, but a kiss filled with love, passion, and devotion. The first of the last time, I’d have that kiss. He held me like that for a long time. I didn’t mind. Just standing there with him, it made everything all right. I looked up, my neck was getting a little sore, and I saw myself in that mirror. Correction, I saw Micheal and myself, smiling in that mirror.

I had to have mirrors. I needed to remember that moment forever. I don’t know exactly what prompted him to tell me things like that. To be the first one to say I love you. I didn’t ask, and sadly, I’ll never know.

Because he’s gone right now. Somewhere he’s The Second In Command to a king of a far away planet. A Second in Command that had to be sent away to a planet called Earth because his home was at war. A Second in Command that fell in love with Maria Deluca. My Micheal.

So I have millions of mirrors. I can’t stand to look at them though. But just having them there remind me of that moment, six years ago. The beginning of turmoil, but also the beginning of a great love. One I don’t think even a shattered mirror would crack.

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