Rating: PG 13 ?

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine of course... they belong to the good folks who created the show and also the WB network (and Melinda Metz!). Please don't sue me - I'm a college student - I have no money.

Note: I started writing this after "Heatwave", so it takes place right after that episode, and just before "The Balance".

***

It was the heat, the slow throb of the air, it pressed down on him so heavy he couldn't move. His bedroom was a sweatbox, he couldn't breathe. He crawled out his window and walked down the road, holding his arms out to the desert breeze. It was just a whisper across his face, like a kiss.

A kiss...

He sucked in his breath suddenly at the sharp vivid memory. He could almost feel her.

He had kissed her to shut her up. He hadn't thought about it, he had just done it. Acting on impulse was nothing new to him-- he always did things when he thought about them and dealt with the consequences later. He ran his fingers through his short spiky hair, damp with sweat. He hadn't been prepared for this...for how good it had felt...how good she had felt.

It had been a mistake...touching her like that...it made him want. So he avoided her. That was the only way to deal with it, and it had been cking so far...

He had been walking for a while, not paying attention to where he was going, thinking, trying not to think. He was watching the sidewalk, dry and dusty under his feet. He licked his lips, still tasting her there even though the kiss had been days ago...

The sidewalk turned pink colored by the neon light that beamed overhead. He knew where he was without looking up. Something had drawn him here. He had to come. The Crashdown Cafe.

I just want to feel...
safe in my own skin... I just want to be...
Happy again...
I just want to feel...
Deep in my own world...
But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore...

He stood there in the darkness, in the heat, staring in the window, watching her sweep the floor, his gaze travelling up her body, enveloping it like water starting at her bare feet, then up the length of her legs, her stomach, her breasts, her shoulders, her neck. Her head was bowed, but he could see her lips...those lips he had touched days ago and had been trying to forget about ever since...

On a different day...
if I was safe in my own skin...
then I wouldn't feel...
lost and so frightened...

His heart was thudding painfully in his chest.

But this is today...

He watched her as she slowly lifted her head and looked in his direction.

and I'm lost in my own skin...

He didn't look away. He didn't turn and run, though his mind was screaming at him to do it.

And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore...

She set the broom down and came to the door, never breaking eye contact. What was he doing here...tempting himself...testing himself...

The first kiss had been a mistake. He knew that as surely as he knew he didn't belong here and never would.

She unlocked the door. He wanted to make that mistake again...

He opened the door and closed it behind him. Her hands slid up his chest, her eyes gazing up into his, knowing what he was here for. The air was electric...it hummed between them. His heart was racing. He didn't care what the repercussions were. He wanted this. He wanted her.

They melted together...lips and tongues, heavy sighs and hands, travelling, touching, caressing... He lifted her up, her legs folding around his waist...so much contact his head was spinning...he abandoned himself to it...

And I'm so lonely I donít even want to be with myself anymore...

Waves of heat, her kisses, her mouth, her body pressed against his... He couldn't breathe but it was so good... They fell to the floor. He could hear her soft moans as he caught her earlobe between his lips, his hand creeping up under her shirt, caressing her side, feeling the bare skin...

And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be by myself anymore...

Their legs were tangled, her fingers were in his hair, then raking down his back... They clung to each other, writhed against each other...

They looked into each other's eyes for the first time since they had started this. He leaned forward to kiss her gently.

"I canít believe this..." she whispered as his head dipped down to the hollow of her throat, tasting the salt of her skin. He traced the neckline of her tank top with his index finger. "What are we doing..." she murmured breathlessly.

I just want to feel...
safe in my own skin...
I just want to be...
happy again...

He hadn't been able to answer her then. He hadn't been able to answer her in the eraser room at school either that following Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or...

She smelled so good, felt so good, tasted so good. He didn't have to think of anything else when they were together except how good everything felt. He could forget everything - all the fear, the anger, the bitterness, the frustration. Kissing her was a release. He could forget.

Max pulled him out of that when he confronted him in the men's room at school. He had tried to convince him it was purely a physical thing and had tried to ignore Max's warnings - the warnings he had supplied him with in the first place when Max had been thinking about bringing things to the next level with Liz. He was being a hypocrite.

He knew it. He didn't care.

But then things had gotten complicated. She wanted to know him, what he was thinking, what he was feeling, where he was going to be. And then he understood why Max agonized so much over what to do with Liz. He thought he wouldn't have to deal with it because he didn't...love...Maria like Max loved Liz. It was physical. He was attracted to her. She had pretty eyes and a nice mouth. It was just physical.

He had felt her wanting more and decided to push her away before he wanted that too. It was true what he had said to Max. That just being who he was was going to hurt her. He didn't want to have to deal with that. He had enough to think about as it was. He told her at the rave. It would have been their first date if he had been more attentive, been actually with her. When she came to him to confront him, he decided there and then that that was it. It was time to break it off.

He told her it was getting too intense, that there was nothing there. That he had to be alone. She left with tears in her eyes and in her voice. He let her go and tried not to think about it anymore. He had decided to leave the rave a few minutes later, and on his way out saw her standing beside the entrance alone, her back to the door staring out at the parking lot. She seemed to sense him behind her and turned, holding him in place with the look in her eyes.

She laughed bitterly and shook her head at him. "I know you're 'different' and all...but you are such a fucking GUY right now, more than anything else, you are a walking talking male stereotype. 'I'm alone and that's how itís gotta be'? What the hell kind of crap is THAT?" She pushed passed him and stalked out towards the parking lot, the gold lame of her halter-top glittering under the moonlight. He hadn't talked to her since.

***

"I would have done it, y'know?" Maria DeLuca rested her chin on the heels of her palms and looked over at her best friend Liz Parker, sitting beside her.

"Done what?" the dark haired girl scooted her chair closer and glanced over uncertainly at the librarian seated at her desk a few feet away partially hidden behind a pile of returns.

"Had sex with him. Michael."

"Maria!" Maria smiled at Liz's shocked face.

"Liz, if anyone ever kissed you like that...you'd volunteer to be his love slave for eternity without thinking twice..." She touched her lips thoughtfully. "Maybe it's genetic or something...? Hmmm... After you and Max mess around, you'll have to get back to me and we'll compare notes." She looked past Liz's shoulder as she caught a glimpse of a figure clad in black outside the doors of the library. "Just don't get too attached, okay?"

"Maria..." Liz said her name softly at the look on her friend's face.

"That first night? At the Crashdown? I would have done it...I would have given myself to him. All he had to do was ask... Hell, he didn't even have to do that much. But he stopped us. He left. And I was laying there thinking it had all been a dream... that the stupid heat was getting to me, y'know? That I was starting to hallucinate? And then at school he pulled me into the eraser room and then there he was and there I was...and I wasn't dreaming..." she laughed bitterly. "Well, it was fun while it lasted..."

"What happened?" Liz asked gently, even though she had a feeling she knew.

"He doesn't want me - he wants my body... Can't say I blame him..." she said flippantly and laughed then mumbled seriously "No... He just wants someone to mess around with...and I can't do that...not if it's not real...not if it doesn't mean anything." She lifted her head and looked into Liz's eyes, her own shining slightly with unshed tears. "You were right, you know...it never would have worked out...but still...I really wanted it to...I really did like him, Liz..." Liz's hand covered hers and squeezed it gently. She didn't know what to say. "I feel like Angela."

"Angela who?"

"Angela Chase-- remember? From My So-Called Life? This whole thing is exactly like that one episode, y'know? The one where Angela and Jordan Catalano were making out in the boiler room and he didn't want anyone to know about it? Except Michael's not gonna take my hand at the end of the hour and walk down the hall with me..." She laughed and turned to face her friend. "I am so pathetic! He's not sitting around moaning... I'm just gonna shut up." Maria smiled ruefully and grabbed Liz's arm. "If you ever hear me mention Michael Guerin ever again in terms of the 'us' or 'non-us' thing, just smack me, okay?"

Liz smiled "Are you sure about that?"

"VERY."

"Hey." Isabel sat down beside the two girls and attempted a friendly smile. She figured things would be easier if she tried to be nice. Liz actually wasn't so bad. And Maria...well, Maria was Maria, which was sometimes okay... "Have you seen Max?"

"Umm yeah..." Liz sat up a little and tucked her hair behind her ear. "He wanted to finish up a paper in the computer lab so heís probably there now. After that he has Chemistry and then English..."

"Liiiiiz... Did you memorize his schedule?" Maria smirked and Isabel rolled her eyes.

"Nooooo, Maria... It's just...similar to mine." Liz smiled and turned to Isabel. "Anything wrong?"

"No. I just want to talk to him about that." She nodded at the poster on the wall across from them. Liz and Maria squinted at it. They hadn't noticed it.

"It's for the dance! The winter dance...I forgot about that. Are you guys going?" Maria just stared at her and Isabel tossed her long hair over her shoulder.

"That's what I wanted to talk to Max about..."

"You're not thinking of taking your BROTHER, are you?" Maria smirked "That's pathetic."

"I won't have a problem getting a date." Isabel said, simply ignoring the comment. "And I wouldn't bother asking Michael, Maria. He's not big on school functions... which is a shame really..." Isabel looked Maria straight in the eye and smiled mischievously. "He looks pretty damn good in a tux..."

Maria bit her lip and started packing up her things. "He'd look even better in a body bag."

She pulled on her book bag and turned to leave, throwing over her shoulder, "I'll see you guys later..."

Isabel frowned at Maria's retreating back. "Did I miss something?"

"You didn't know...?"

"What?"

"About Michael...and Maria...y'know..."

Isabel rolled her eyes and sighed. "Youí'e going to have to be a little more specific than 'y'know'."

"They were, like, together last week." She began uncertainly, feeling a little like she was betraying Maria's trust, but she figured Isabel would find out sooner or later. "It started when I saw them at the Crashdown last Sunday night...and...umm...let's just say for about an hour there it was no longer a family restaurant."

Isabel stared at her, her perfect mouth curling into a disbelieving smile. "No...Michael is so not capable of that...he's like mentally blocked or something."

"Well he wasn't 'blocked' last week."

Isabel frowned, suddenly serious. "What about this week?"

Liz sighed. "He's ignoring her and Maria's...well...Maria's pretty upset."

"God, nobody ever tells me anything..." she said, irritated. "Max knew, didn't he?" Liz nodded.

Isabel sighed and then turned to her, changing the topic abruptly. "You should go with him. Max. To the dance. It'll be fun. It'll be NORMAL...I don't know about you but I really need that right now." Liz smiled at her, wanting to ask her what she meant, but felt like she didn't know Isabel Evans well enough to ask her anything personal. "Get Maria to go-- it'll be good for her. Maybe that guy you used to hang out with-- Alex-- can take her."

Isabel looked away when she said Alex's name, pretending to rummage in her purse for her compact. All right, so she had ulterior motives for wanting Maria there-- it was an excuse to bring Alex into the picture. She was uncertain about him and that made her uncomfortable. Plus...she wanted to apologize about what had happened at the rave. She didn't want him to be hurt.

"Okay...I'll run it by her... Isabel?" She looked up from her purse.

"What?"

"Could you maybe... I don't know...talk to Michael and find out what happened?"

Isabel blinked at her. "What do you want me to say to him?"

"Oh. I don't know...You know what, never mind..." Liz smiled and began putting her books away. "I have to get to class. If I see Max I'll tell him you're looking for him."

"Thanks... Liz?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll talk to him."

"Thanks, Isabel."

"Sure."

***

Isabel walked up behind Michael, who was seated at one of the picnic benches staring off into the distance, and promptly smacked him on the back of his head.

"What?!" She sat down beside him as he glared at her and looked over to where he had been staring. Maria was sitting by herself under a tree reading something and occasionally taking a sip from a can of Arizona Ice Tea.

"Why did you break it off if you like her so much?"

"I don't," he said and pointedly turned around in his seat, his back towards where she was sitting.

"Michael, Michael, Michael." Isabel sighed condescendingly and handed him an apple from her lunch. "You're such a liar when it comes to Maria DeLuca. I've seen how you look at her."

"I don't look at her."

"Yes, you do."

"Fine, I look at her. I kind of have to since sheís always in my face." He took a bite out of the apple and pulled a bottle of Tabasco sauce he had stolen from the Crashdown out from his pocket. He poured it over the bite, watching it soak into the pale graininess of the fruit, changing its color to match its coat. "I don't look at her any different than I do anyone else."

"You look at her like you used to look at that key." Isabel looked down at her hands, wondering if she was making a mistake by pushing him on this. Max had probably told him it was dangerous, and she agreed, but after everything that had happened...or rather hadn't happened with Alex...she was beginning to wonder where she stood on letting people in.

She looked up into Michael's eyes and said carefully, "You used to look at that key like it was going to save us-- you. You look at her the same way."

He took another bite out of the apple and tossed it away, unfinished. "No. I don't."

"Yes. You do. I know you're afraid of letting people in, Michael." Her voice darkened slightly as she thought of herself and how lonely she was. "I can relate to that. I can understand that. "

"Can we just... not talk about this?"

"Michael...you don't have to be honest with me...but at least be honest with yourself."

He looked at Isabel, then over at Maria who had stood and was brushing herself off. He watched her walk away and said quietly, almost to himself, "I can't stop thinking about her." He sounded angry, like it was Maria's fault that he couldn't close his eyes at night without seeing her there.

Isabel smiled sadly. "You're lucky."

"Lucky? How am I lucky?"

"Because she feels the same way."

***

"Max."

"Liz."

He smiled shyly up at her from his usual booth at the Crashdown as she slid into the seat across from him. She smiled back, and her hand slowly crept across the table between them to touch his. There was nothing hesitant about the gesture. It was all right because they were together now...really together...

Liz couldn't remember the last time she had felt so...euphoric...

"I don't think I thanked you for last night..."

Their first kiss.

She could feel her heart fluttering faintly in her chest just thinking about it. She thought she saw him blush.

"I wasn't sure if I should come over..."

"I'm glad you did." He squeezed her hand gently and looked deeply into her eyes. The whole world disappeared.

"I am too."

They sat there smiling, across from each other, holding hands as Maria rushed back and forth in front of them taking orders, delivering orders, dropping orders...

"Oh my God..." Maria fell to her knees and rammed a fork into the fallen baked potato. She plopped it down onto its plate in disgust.

"Liz, I could use some help." She looked up from the "Body Snatcher Pod", and over to the booth where Max and Liz sat gazing at each other.

Yes, she was jealous, but her annoyance didn't stem from that. Well not totally. People were streaming through the doors of the cafe, and Liz knew how understaffed they were on Sundays, and she was not paying attention to poor Maria, who was calling her name weakly from the floor as she wiped up bits of "pod" from the tiles.

"Liz!"

Liz reluctantly removed her hand from Max's and stood.

"Oh-- One more thing..." She slid back into the booth, and Maria rolled her eyes as she wiped a glob of sour cream off her knee.

"I have a suggestion..."

"What's your suggestion?"

"How about for our first, real, uninterrupted date...we go to the dance...?"

"The Winter Dance?"

"Yes...what do you think?"

She held her breath until he smiled his sweet small smile and leaned forward to say softly, "I think...I can't wait."

"Great! Me neither..." She stood again. "I have to go...Maria's getting ready to kill me..."

He laughed. "I'll see you later..."

"Definitely..."

"LIZ!"

"Coming!"

***

"I don't believe this! I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"You look like you already were..." Alex called after her as she threw herself into the back room, holding her apron out in front of her.

"Some kid out front just threw up all over me while I was taking their order..."

"Are we having a bad day?" Alex's voice was muffled as he talked through the door, but Maria heard the sympathy behind it.

"You can come in here, Alex, I'm not taking anything off...Of course I left my other clothes at home...", she grumbled to herself as Alex entered and flopped down onto the sofa, watching her scrub uselessly at her apron.

"This is soooo grooooss..." She stopped and looked up at her friend. "I am going insane."

"With good reason," he said diplomatically "Uh...you've got some on your shoe..."

"I think I'm gonna cry..." She set to work on her shoe, leaning forward, then stopped and pulled back realizing her chest had just been in her lap. She looked down at the smear across the front of her uniform.

"Why don't you get Liz to take over your shift?"

"She's out buying a dress."

"A dress...?"

"For Friday...y'know? The dance?"

"Oh...yeah, right."

"Which brings me to why I asked you to come to the Crashdown tonight..."

"Yeeeeees?"

"Will you go with me? Pleeeeease Alex? I don't want to be sitting at home depressed while everyone is out having fun...and I don't want to go alone and end up dancing with myself."

"Oh-oh-uh-oh..." Maria stared at him. "Billy Idol..." he explained. She blinked. "Never mind..."

"Pleeeeeeeeeease?"

"How do you know I don't already have a date?"

"Because you would have told me and Liz about it."

"Well...yeah, that's true..."

"C'mon, Alex! Isabel will be there..."

He frowned. "Y'know, that might have worked, like, a week ago...but I don't care where Isabel Evans is or isn't going to be anymore."

Maria gave up on her top and brought the ruined apron over to the sink, and ran it under the tap. "Liz explained why she did what she did...I don't think she meant to hurt you... Besides, once she sees how awesome you look in a tux she'll be all over you!"

"I won't look good in a tux. I'll look like a waiter."

"No you won't. You'll look fabulous, and I'll look fabulous, and there we'll be looking fabulous together, while we have a fabulous time...C'mon, Alex...I feel like I need this."

"Relax..." He smiled. "You know I'll go with you...But you owe me, DeLuca..."

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I'd give you a hug but I'd probably get puke on you."

"That's okay. I appreciate your appreciation..."

"You're the best!"

"No..."

"Yes!"

"No...well, okay, yeah...yeah, I am!" He grinned and got up from the couch. "Give me your car keys. I'm going to your house to get you some puke-free clothes."

***

"Max home?"

"No, but he should be soon. You can wait if you want."

"Is that okay with..."

"They're not even here. C'mon, you can help me with something..."

Michael followed Isabel down the hall and into her room. A dress was hanging up on the closet door, a pair of high heels positioned carefully under the hem. Fashion magazines with girls (who remarkably all looked the same to him) with their hair up, down, and in complicated twists were spread out on the floor.

"I need your advice." Isabel picked up one of the magazines and placed her palm down on the page. After a moment she swept her hand over her hair, and the strands twisted together and formed the complicated bun in the magazine.

"Do you like this? Or this?" She flipped the page and touched another picture. Her hand moved over her hair again and the bun fell in a waterfall of curls down her back.

"Isabel...Isn't this what girlfriends are for?"

"They're not here right now. You are."

Michael flopped down onto her bed and glanced over at the red dress. "I can't believe you guys are going."

"Why not? It'll be fun."

"We just went to that stupid thing at the soap factory."

"Michael a rave and a school dance are two totally different things. You should come. Everyone else is going to be there..."

"Everyone."

"Everyone..." Isabel sat down beside him on the bed. "She still likes you, y'know..."

No answer.

"I'm just trying to make conversation..."

No answer.

"What? You can talk to Max about Maria but not me?"

"I don't talk to Max about her"

"Well, then what do you talk about?"

He shrugged disinterestedly. "I dunno. What do you talk about?"

"Pretty much everything."

"Even Liz?" he asked doubtfully.

"Okay not everything...We talk about you though..."

"What about me?"

"How we wish you were here with us...and that you never got separated from us for all that time..." Isabel looked down at him. His eyes were closed, and he was frowning slightly. She wondered what he was thinking about.

She suddenly realized that she had never thought to ask Michael what had happened to him during those three years they were apart...where he had been...why Hank of all people had been the one to adopt him. She had just been so grateful when she and Max saw him that first day of third grade nearly seven years ago that nothing else had mattered. Now that she thought about it...she didn't really know Michael at all.

She loved him like a brother, but she was starting to wonder if it was because of who he was or what he was. There was the connection of where they were from that bound them together, but she had never made an effort to connect with him in any other way. She didn't have the same relationship with him that she did with Max. She had always thought of Max as her Brother, and Michael as Michael--the third member of their group.

Maybe she didn't feel as close to him as she did to Max, but he was still important to her. When he wasn't there it was horrible-- she felt incomplete. Those three years of crying every night, of wondering where he was and hoping he was all right were the worst of her life. She hadn't known what it was to feel whole until they found him again. Even so...she felt distanced from him. She didn't know if it was because it was what Michael wanted, or if it was just a side effect of not being with him for all those years.

"Michael...?"

"Hmmm..." he mumbled sleepily.

"Never mind..."

She stood from the bed and started picking up the magazines. She dropped a stack of them onto the dresser and looked into the mirror above it. Behind her reflection, she could see Michael sleeping on his back, his knees bent over the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. She turned around and leaned against the dresser, studying him. Should she...?

No. Michael would be pissed off if he knew she was thinking about Dream Walking with him.

Still...

If she was careful he wouldn't know...Alex never knew...

She was going to do it.

Just to find out what he was thinking about...Dreams told a lot about a person...Maybe she'd find out who Michael Guerin really was to her...

***

Okay...this works...kinda... Max fiddled with the bow tie hanging loosely from his neck. He couldn't get it...quite... There! The knot slipped open and it fell to the floor of the dressing room. He looked at himself in the mirror, and smiled at the lack of bow tie to his Winter Dance ensemble. Much better... He was just not a bow tie kinda guy. Actually he didn't know anyone who was. Well, maybe Alex.

He stepped back from the mirror and gave himself a once over. This was okay. It's not like it was hard finding a good tuxedo... I mean they pretty much all look the same...

He hoped Liz liked it.

He smiled and sat down on the little bench inside the dressing room. He couldn't believe he was going to a dance. With Liz. His girlfriend. His girlfriend who was Liz.

He couldn't believe that she cared about him as much as he cared about her. It was like someone had just handed him the universe. All those years of wishing...hoping she might notice him.

Getting assigned to be her lab partner was like an answer to a prayer, but he had been too shy to take advantage of it. And then she started dating Kyle...and he had decided to leave it alone. She seemed happy with him, and that was important to Max.

When he saw her fall that day, his heart stopped and shattered, echoing the explosion of the gunfire that screamed in his ears. He didn't think. His life was dying. He saved her because he loved her, and if that meant he would be caught and destroyed so be it. He wasn't thinking of Michael or Isabel's safety and that was wrong. But it felt even more wrong to let her die. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't.

He touched her, felt her blood pumping out of her body and into his hand.

He saw her. For the first time he really saw Liz Parker, and in that moment he loved her more than he would have thought possible for someone to love someone else.

He stopped the blood. He ended the connection, though it felt like he was tearing himself away from his soul.

He ran away from her... away from that connection that terrified him.

In a way he had been running ever since. Before he made the connection he thought of his feelings as a crush. A crush that had been wreaking havoc with his heart since the first day he laid eyes on her. But the connection made him realize it was deeper than that...much deeper. And that scared him because Liz might not feel the same...or if she did...nothing could ever really become of it because of who they were. Because of who he was. It wasn't worth the pain is what he had thought...or the danger...the risk... And then he admitted to himself what he already knew; it was worth it. If he could be with Liz just for a moment his whole existence would finally mean something.

When he kissed her it all made sense.

I am here because of you...this is what I was meant for...

Max wondered suddenly if Michael had felt like that with Maria. He couldn't see it. He couldn't picture Michael feeling that kind of desperation, that kind of need. He'd built his life around not feeling those things. Still he wondered...

Max swallowed, feeling guilty all of a sudden. He'd helped push them apart by lecturing Michael, reminding him of the consequences, warning him about what would happen if he got too close... It had been wrong of him. He realized that now. Michael was old enough to make his own decisions. He stood and started to undress.

No, he told himself, If what Michael had with Maria was more than just a fling, it wouldn't have ended like that...Michael would have held onto her no matter what...

Michael hadn't mentioned her name once to him after the rave. It was like nothing had ever happened.

***

"What do you think?" Liz stepped out from the bathroom and did a little twirl, the skirt of her dress flaring out a little. Maria smiled.

"It's perfect!" And it was. The rich chocolate brown satin looked amazing on her. It was a simple dress, but elegant, just off the shoulders a little bit with the sleeves ending just above the elbows. Around her waist was a thin satin rope that was tied in a loose bow, its tails falling the length of the dress to brush against the tops of her bare feet.

"Haven't found the shoes yet..." Liz said, sticking out her foot and wiggling her toes. She sat down on the bed next to Maria and nudged her with her shoulder. "Your turn!"

Maria hopped to her feet good-naturedly and grabbed the dress from the chair. She grinned at her and said, before disappearing into the bathroom herself, "I might as well just go naked since everyone will be looking at you anyway!"

Liz smiled and called after her, "The only person I want looking at me is Max Evans..."

Maria shut the door behind her and took the dress out from its garment bag, wishing she could feel more enthusiastic about this whole thing like Liz. She was looking forward to going...she really was... It would be nice to hang out with Alex again and he was a lot of fun... But she didn't feel that anticipation... that fluttering in the middle of your stomach you get when you're going with someone you really want to impress...someone that you want to want you the way you want them...

He wasn't even going to be there.

Maria stepped into the strapless turquoise dress and looked at her reflection. She had almost decided not to bother with getting a new dress at all, but then thought to herself, why not look nice for Alex? Or for herself even? She refused to hold onto the hope that Michael might actually turn up, but a part of her knew that the thought was in the back of her mind while she was choosing the outfit.

She pulled on the second part of her dress - a sheer baby blue slip that fit close to her body with thin threads of silver stretching on a slant from her hip to her abdomen. She smoothed the slip down over the turquoise dress and untwisted the sheer straps that slid over her shoulders to meet the neckline. She stepped into her shoes, did up the straps, and opened the door of the bathroom.

She held out her hands in a "how does it look" gesture. Liz was staring at her, her eyes wide. "You look amazing! Michael is gonna die..." She stopped herself as Maria's face fell a little. "Maybe he'll come, Maria...I think Isabel was going to try and talk him into it..."

Maria shrugged and sat down on the bed beside her. "I don't care... Alex is my date...this is for Alex...my buddy... who couldn't care less if I came in sweatpants and a T-shirt with spaghetti sauce on it..."

They both laughed, but it died quickly, and Liz gave her a hug. "You look beautiful...Alex is gonna be glad you're going with this instead of the T-shirt."

"He better!" Maria growled and kicked off her shoes.

"Hey, Maria?" Liz said after a moment.

"Hmmm?"

"What do you think of inviting Isabel to get ready with us on Friday?"

"Do you think she would want to?"

Liz shrugged. "I dunno...I just thought...y'know, it would be nice if the three of us..."

"Did something incredibly girly together in order to 'bond'?"

Liz smiled. "Well, yeah..."

"It's cool with me. I actually kind of like Isabel."

***

Isabel sat beside Michael on the bed. She watched him breathe, made sure he was really asleep and dreaming. When she was satisfied, she reached out and gently touched the tips of her fingers to his forehead. She'd never tried to Dream Walk like this before-- through direct contact. She didnít even know if it would work. She laid down beside him, trying to get as close as possible without waking him, and closed her eyes, feeling herself sink into the sleep she willed upon herself.

She stood in the desert under the stars. The rock they had first seen Michael on was a few yards to her right. The sand shimmered beneath her feet, an almost blinding white. She looked up at the sky and the stars dissolved as a picture appeared before her, cloudy at first, then sharply defined.

It was Maria at that hotel near Marathon. Then the picture shifted to Maria in the car beside him on the way back from Atherton's, Maria in the FBI agent's room during their search, Maria at the Crashdown the first time he kissed her. Isabel's eyebrows lifted. She hadn't known about that. Maria at the Crashdown that night, in the eraser room the next day, at the rave...

There was no dialogue to the pictures, but she could feel Michael's feelings about each of the moments. She felt his surprise that she understood about wanting something better than Roswell. She felt his confusion after kissing her.

It seemed as though she could feel those feelings herself as she stood there under the sky that flickered with his memories. She could almost see him standing outside of the Crashdown that night during the heat wave, watching her, feeling consumed by something he'd never felt before and couldn't identify. She could feel his worry, his fear that he'd hurt her if he let things go on.

The look on Maria's face as he told her they never should have started anything was imprinted on the sky for a moment above her before it slowly fizzed out until the sky was full of static.

Isabel turned her head and saw them a few feet away from where she stood. Michael sat inside of a square drawn in the sand. Maria was outside of it, her hands pressed flat against the air towards him, as though a wall of glass separated them. He was facing her.

Isabel could see the fear and longing in his eyes, and her breath caught in her throat. He slowly reached out to press his hand against Maria's, and when he did, she disappeared. Michael yanked his hand back and cradled it against his chest as though he had never tried to reach out in the first place. The lines in the sand around him grew darker, and suddenly walls began to materialize around him, locking him in and hiding him from her sight. Isabel ran to the structure that had formed around him and walked through it.

It was dark inside, and the air reeked of loneliness. Michael sat in the corner by himself, his knees drawn up against his chest, his chin resting on them. He was ten years old. He stood up suddenly and went to a door that materialized when he touched the wall. She followed him out of it.

They were at Michael's house. Hank was sitting in his chair drinking. The room blurred and there was Hank again. He was yelling in Michael's face, but he stood there unflinching. The room blurred again and they were in their third grade classroom. She felt his relief and happiness along with him as she saw herself and Max there. Blurring...

They were in a hospital looking down at a woman. Hank stood beside Michael and her, weeping. Isabel knew the woman was dead. Although she had never seen her before she knew who it was. Hank's wife. Michaelís foster mother. She turned her head to look at Michael, now nine years old. She could see him willing himself not to cry. Blurring...

Michael coming into the house for the first time, the woman hugging him and kissing him, telling him how glad she was he was here. Hank stood to the side smiling gruffly and patting him awkwardly on the shoulder, telling him heíd show him to his new room. Michael was eight. Blurring...

A social workers office, the woman behind the desk telling him someone wanted to adopt him. Blurring...

Isabel was in a dark room, at the bottom of a set of stairs. There was a thin sliver of light at the top of it. The eight-year-old Michael had his hand pressed against the handle of the basement door, and was melding it shut, while on the other side too young strident voices yelled that they were going to 'get him' while their fists pounded on the door.

She saw Michael touch his face. There was blood on his cheek, but when he wiped it away the skin was untouched. He knew he could heal himself, but she could still feel his terror. It had hurt, she knew. They had hit him. He was scared here in the dark alone, but it was better than being out there, where they hurt him.

It took his foster parents three days to find him and break the door open. He was punished for ruining it and was sent to the social worker with the funny glasses who sat behind that big desk. She knew all this without seeing it in the dream. She could feel it. Blurring...

Michael at the side of the road, seven years old, naked, alone, frightened. She watched with him as the car slowed. A family was inside the car. A mommy and a daddy and two little boys. They took him with them. Blurring...

Michael breaking out of his pod, feeling the cool night air on his face for the first time. He stepped out of it and watched with mild curiosity as it dissolved and became one with the sand. There was another pod beside his. It had been connected to it before his had dissolved. Connected. Isabel stared at it. She recognized the pod. It was her own. Her pod had been connected to Michael's. She watched him go to it, watched him touch it gently with his hand, then press his cheek against it.

He heard a noise. He ran and hid. Isabel climbed up the rock with him, and they watched Max uncertainly make his way to Isabel who had just broken free of her pod. She stood and it dissolved around her. She held out her hand to Max.

Isabel felt a tinge of jealousy from little Michael as he watched them hold hands. He wanted to go to them, he knew he belonged with them...but he was scared... He watched them for a while, deciding... He came out from his hiding place and stared down at them from his rock.

Max reached out to him, as he had done to little Isabel. There was a noise, alien to their ears, and a bright moving light. Michael ran and hid and tried to call out to them to do the same...but he didnít know how. He watched as little Max and Isabel faced it together. The noise and the light stopped. Isabel watched the Evanses come to them and take them away.

Oh my God...

Isabel watched the car drive away, leaving Michael behind.

This Dream Walk had been like nothing she had ever experienced before. She hadn't just experienced a dream...but Michael's memories. These were real...these things had all happened to him. Michael was her brother. Something deep within both of them needed them to know this. His subconscious understood hers. It knew she had wanted to know what had happened to him, and so it showed her, and in the process, it had shown her the truth as well. She and Michael were brother and sister.

Isabel was reeling with shock as the vision blurred for the last time and she was back where she had started. Michael stood beside her staring up at the sky, but unaware of her presence. She turned to him, tears in her eyes. It was true. She felt it in her heart. She knew. She was looking at her brother. And it wasn't Max. She reached out and touched him. He jerked away from her as though he had been burned, and stared at her wide-eyed, finally seeing her.

"Is?" His confusion melted away and was replaced with anger. "Get out of here!" He backed away from her. "You saw everything!"

"Yes."

"You had no right!"

"Michael--"

"Go!"

"You're my... my brother!"

"It doesn't matter!"

"Of course it matters!"

"It doesn't! Because..."

"What?" she asked painfully, her eyes stinging with tears.

"Because you chose him instead of me!" The words exploded out of him. "Just like everyone else..." he said softly, and started to turn away. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him, trying to stop him from leaving her.

"I didn't know! I didn't--"

***

They were awake. Both of them. They were lying on her bed together, her arms still wrapped around him. He was trying to get away from her but she wasn't letting go.

"Michael!"

"Get off of me, Isabel."

"Stop!" To her surprise he did. He lay there helpless in her arms. She held him tighter and rested her head over his heart. "I didn't know...I didn't..."

"No..." he said softly. "It's better that you're here with him... I'm glad you're together..."

"Michael..." She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "We'll never be separated like that ever again. You're my brother. I love you. I've always loved you...just as much as Max... Max!" Isabel pulled away from Michael as she saw Max at her door.

"I just got ba--" He stopped, and his eyes widened as he saw them together on the bed. "I thought you called me..."

"Max..." Isabel began desperately, sitting up, as he backed away, his hands up in front of him.

"Uh... I'll leave you two alone..." With that he was gone. Isabel started towards the door, but Michael grabbed her arm.

"We have to tell him!"

"No..."

"Michael--"

"No, Isabel, please. Don't tell him... It'll only hurt him." He let go of her arm and stood from the bed. "I...I'm going...I have to go home." He stepped around her to the door. She caught him by his sleeve, and hugged him. He was tense in her arms at first then let himself hug her back. "I have to go."

"Okay..."

"Please don't tell him..."

"I won't... It'll be our secret..."

You're not alone anymore... she thought to him as he stepped out into the hall and disappeared around the corner.

***

Alex was actually kind of excited about going to the dance. It would help distract him from the fact that less than a week ago, his best friend Liz Parker told him the girl he had a crush on, her brother, and their friend were aliens.

It had taken him a while to fully process this, and now that he had he felt...weird. Like he was floating between what he thought and what he knew. He thought Liz was nuttier than a Payday, but at the same time, he knew Liz's mind was scientific and logical. She wouldn't tell him something like that and be so dead serious about it unless she believed it was true.

Now if Maria had told him, he would have cracked up and suggested that she stop sniffing tree secretions. He believed Liz. He thought he did. He wanted to. He'd have to talk to Isabel first to completely make up his mind whether he was ready to step into the Twilight Zone.

Isabel Evans was a goddess. He always thought so, so maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that she was...otherworldly.

But he didn't want to see her again. Yeah, he did. No. Yes.

Liz explained why she had come on to him at the rave. He understood. But it hurt, and he was embarrassed that he had actually thought that someone like Isabel could be interested in someone like him.

He hadn't seen her all week. He'd been trying to keep out of her way... but she'd be at the dance with someone athletic and popular and socially worthy of her time. Someone he wasn't.

Well, he wasn't going to the dance in order to see her. Nope, no, he was going because he was a good friend. He was doing Maria a favor. Yeah. He was being selfless...

If he did run into Isabel he at least had something to talk to her about other than his feelings of post-rave utter humiliation. So yer an alien...cool...can you, like, read minds? Do you know that all I think about is you? Can you maybe put a block on me or something so I can stop?

***

"Maria..."

"What's up?" Maria looked up from buckling her shoe at Liz who stood before her, her lips pressed together, nervously shifting from one foot to the next, and glancing at the closed bathroom door where Isabel was inside putting on her dress.

"That was Max on the phone a minute ago..."

"Oh no, don't tell me he's chickening out! C'mon, if we have to be social so does he..."

"No... that's not... he's not chickening out..."

"Liiiiiiiz...spit it out." Liz sat down beside her on the bed, still keeping an eye on the door, and leaned in a little closer.

"He said that yesterday he saw Michael and Isabel..."

"What? Studying? Discussing what a moron he is for letting me slip away?"

"He said they were together. Like, on her bed."

Maria stared at her, then at the door, and swallowed. "And what were they doing... on her bed?"

"I don't know...he didn't say...but he seemed to think...I'm sorry, Maria... I shouldn't have told you--"

"Okay, I'm done in there..." The bathroom door opened and Isabel stepped out, dressed in an elegant red slip dress with black flowers embroidered up the side. Her hair fell in gold waves around her shoulders and Maria bit her lip.

I can't compete with that...

"So...Liz, I guess you're next..."

Liz stood from the bed and looked back over her shoulder at Maria, mouthing an 'I'll be quick' at her. Maria stared at her hands as Isabel went to Liz's dresser and started putting on her makeup. She turned to her suddenly and held up a little jar.

"Here, catch..." Isabel tossed her the jar and Maria caught it. It was blue and silver body glitter. "I love that stuff...You said your dress was blue...I thought you might like to use some of it."

"Thanks,"Maria mumbled.

Isabel was being nice to her. Which meant she felt sorry for her. Which meant that what Max said was probably true. She was with Michael now.

Maria felt like she was going to cry, then told herself to stop. She didn't have any right to be jealous. Things with Michael were over. She didn't need him. She replaced the memory of him kissing her so passionately with the one of his face, impassive as she admitted to him that his coldness hurt her. He didn't care and he was definitely not interested. He had made that perfectly clear. She didn't want to be like Susan Jamison, who chased after Greg Duffy with her tongue hanging out, even though he made it a point to let her and every one else know he thought she was dirt. Maria refused to be like that.

Still... she couldn't help the yearning that was there. If it had just been a physical thing for her and nothing else, she wouldn't have cared less if he didn't want to see her anymore. But she couldn't help the feeling that she understood a part of him no one else could.

She had recognized a loneliness in him that she had been living with for most of her life. Liz could never understand it because she had a family that worked. She knew Michael felt the same way about the Evanses. She saw it on his face whenever Max or Isabel mentioned them.

It was something they shared, and for Maria, that had helped take some of the loneliness away. She could have fallen in love with Michael Guerin. But it was over, and this new development proved it.

Isabel looked at Maria's reflection in the mirror, and spoke to it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I'm just peachy."

"So...you're going with Alex, right?"

"Yeah."

"How is he doing?"

Well, he's trying to recover from you stomping all over his heart...

"...you know, with the alien situation?"

"Okay I guess. I haven't really talked to him about it."

"Hmmm..." Isabel waved her hand over her dress, and then her lips. They matched perfectly.

God, I hate you...

"Maybe I should talk to him."

"Whatever."

Isabel turned around and looked at her. "Seriously, Maria, what's wrong? You look upset... Is it because of Michael--"

"Okay, I'm ready!" Liz burst into the room swinging her shoes by their straps. "Just gotta get my shoes on...Max and Alex should be here soon."

Maria looked at Isabel, who was still watching her and asked, holding her breath, "Who's your date?"

"I haven't decided yet. I will when I get there."

Continued next page...

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