No Means NO! Unless... by Jezebel (jez_rdfrn@hotmail.com)
No Means NO! Unless... Rating: PG
Category: CC foof, M&M concentrated
Summary: The gang tries to convince Michael to do something he doesn’t want to.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: None of it belongs to me. And I just spent all my money buying textbooks, so any lawsuits would be essentially useless.
Author's Notes: I read in a fic, Reena’s I believe, that tigerlilies were her favorite, but I don’t know if its true or not.
***
“Oh come on, Spaceboy. Pleeeassse.”
“No. Maria, I said no last night and I said no this morning. I said no five minutes ago. And guess what?”
“What?”
“My answer is still NO.”
“Oh, come on, Michael. It’s not that bad. Look even Alex said he’d do it.”
“Yeah, well, Alex is a geek, Max.”
“Hey, I deeply resent that.”
“But, Michael. Everyone is going to do it.”
“No.”
“Hey, if Michael isn’t going to do it then I don’t have to either.”
“Alright, Whitman. Taking one for the team.”
“Alex?”
“Yes, Isabel?”
“Don’t even think about backing out.”
“Why not? If Michael isn’t going to…”
“No eraser room.”
Gulp. “But, Isabel…”
“Well if you really don’t want to, I’m sure Grant is free. And I’m sure he wouldn’t---“
“Alright. I said I would do it. I’ll do it. Just don’t, don’t mention his name.”
“Whitman?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re such a wuss.”
“Yes, but a wuss with eraser room privileges.”
“I’ve got eraser room privileges.”
“That’s what you think, Guerin.”
“Shut up, Valenti.”
“No Michael, actually he’s right. If you don’t do this, no eraser room, broom closet, janitors closet, pantry, breakroom--”
Groans. “Eww.”
“Damnit, Maria. Don’t start on that now.”
“So, you’ll do it?”
“No.”
“You know, Liz. I was thinking I haven’t worn that top in a while. You know, the low cut halter.”
“Don’t bring me into this, Maria.”
“Halter top?”
“Oh, and Liz, don’t you think it would match that cute miniskirt I found at the Other World vintage store.”
“Maria…”
“Miniskirt?”
“God, Guerin. Do you ever stop thinking with your, uh, your energy source?”
“Shut up, Valenti!”
Thwap.
“Ow, what did you do that for, Tess?”
“Seemed like a good thing to do.”
“Alright, Michael, lets be reasonable.”
“No, Max, I don’t care to be reasonable. I’m not going to do it and that’s final.”
“Hey, Maria, isn’t that your--”
“MICHAEL!”
“Yes…”
“Exactly what source of happiness are you depriving Maria of now?”
“Ummm…”
“Have you any idea the kind of torture you put her through this past summer? Or for the past year, buddy.”
“Uhhh…”
“Do you ever think about her feelings when you go off and shamelessly flirt with loose bottle-blonde?”
“Huh?”
“What? Did you think I didn’t know about that? No, don’t look at Maria. I am talking to you. Have you ever done anything self-less, romantic or even the semblance of nice to her in the past six months?
“Well…”
“I thought so. So let me make this very clear to you. Are you listening to me?”
“Yes….”
“You. Are. Going. To. Prom.”
“But…”
“You are going to take Maria. You are going to show up at her doorstep promptly at 7pm with roses.”
“Tigerlilies.”
“Shut up, Maria.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“No, I said--”
“Did I say you could talk yet? NO. As I was saying, you will show up with tigerlilies--”
“I thought you said--”
“TIGERLILIES. You will bring tigerlilies. You will be dressed in a formal tux, with a tie to match Maria’s dress. You will meet everyone else at Chez Pierre for dinner at 7:30. You will bring enough money to pay both of your dinners. And then, you will take her to the prom. And for the love of God, you will dance at least one slow dance. Do you understand?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And, Michael, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Are you listening?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“If you even think about having sex with my daughter that night, I will personally hunt you down and beat you like the conniving weasel that you are. I will make sure that you will never, ever get the equipment working again. Got it?”
Gulp.
“Yes, Ms. DeLuca.”
“Good. I will see all of you later.”
“Ooh, we’re going to the prom! We’re going to the prom!”
“Maria?”
“Yes, Spaceboy?”
“Do I get eraser room privileges back?”
“Yes, Spaceboy.”
“Janitors’ closet?”
“Yes.”
“And pantry and breakroom?”
“Yes and yes, Dorkbutt.”
“And Maria?
“Yes?”
“What color is your dress?”