Maria’s head flopped carelessly to the side and Michael squeezed her hand a little tighter.

“You’re going to break it,” a voice behind him said. Alex smiled the biggest smile he could muster at him. He looked back at Maria, his smile lessening. She was drooling slightly and smiled spookily at him. He sat down on the bed and started telling her animatedly about his day.

“Hey Maria. You won’t believe what happened today. Two girls flirted with me. Two girls! Isn’t that crazy? You know what the best thing is? I got to tell ‘em that I have a girlfriend! A girlfriend! Isn’t that wacky?”

Maria responded with another spooky smile in his direction. Alex smiled again and swallowed hard.

“Is really wanted to be here. Really. She just had a class. Liz and Max will be by soon.”

“She can’t understand you.”

Alex jerked his head toward Michael. Then he looked back toward Maria. He gently pulled the blanket tighter around Maria’s neck. “I know. But it makes me feel better.”

Michael nodded towards the floor and looked around the room. It was still Maria’s. The lacy curtains sloped gracefully around the window and the rain pattered soothingly at the glass. Michael could almost see himself outside soaking, like Maria must have seen him. He couldn’t help but smile slightly.

Yes, it was still Maria’s room. There were still some of the alien spoofs hanging around, which she kept up solely for the purpose of annoying him. The pastel blankets were still there, and the softness of them almost brought him back to how it had felt to be sleeping on them.

Yes, it was still Maria’s room, with the scent of different soothing oils mixing together and several scented candles strewn about.

But something was off, Michael realized. The room didn’t have the same energy, the same bouncyness that it once had. Then Michael realized why.

Maria wasn’t there.

*flashback*

“Michael, we’ve been together for two years! Why the hell do you want to break up?!”

“Maria, we’re going to college. I’m going to Boston Conservatory and you’re going to Cambridge. Do you honestly think that this thing that we have which can barely sustain itself on its own can last through a long distance relationship?”

Maria ran her fingers through her hair and turned her back to him, her muscles clenched. The she spun back toward him, her eyes flashing. “What the hell do you mean, this relationship can barely sustain itself on its own? We have been through so much, Michael. Most couples would have broken under the pressure long ago. and we’re still together.”

Michael looked at the ground. He couldn’t look at her. Not without breaking his resolve. “Were. Were together.”

Maria looked at him, her eyes welling up with tears and her lip trembling. “Michael, I love you.”

Michael got up the courage to look in her eyes and almost melted. He knew he was breaking her heart. He just hoped that he was right. “I love you too, but-”

“Don’t lie!” she screamed, tears running down her face. “Don’t you dare lie!”

He started toward her, wanting to comfort her. “No!” She leaned up against the wall, sliding her back down it and curling up in a ball on the floor. “Go! Just leave me alone!”

Michael backed away slowly, his own face dripping with tears. He opened the door and turned back. “I love you, Maria.” Then he was gone.

*end flashback*

Yes, Maria’s body was there, her tiny form outlined by the blanket. Her hair was flowing freely over the pillow and her face still held her pixie-quality. Yes, her body was there, but her soul was gone. As far as Michael was concerned, she was already dead.

But yet he stayed. He still held her hand, like he had every other day, while his friends were at class. He had put off college at Boston Conservatory for a year. They said that they would hold his scholarship. The others put college off for another year, and attended the local UNM. But he knew it wouldn’t last. Max and Liz would go to Harvard, Alex to MIT, Isabel to Emerson, and Michael to BC.

He couldn’t believe that Maria could do this.

*flashback*

Brrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggg! Michael jumped out of his half-sleep with a start and walked gloomily to the phone. “Hello?”

“Michael? Oh, thank god.” Amy’s voice sounded like she had been crying.

“Is something wrong, Amy?” he croaked, his voice hoarse from crying. Amy didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, Michael. Maria’s in the hospital. She tried to kill herself.”

Michael didn’t wait to hear the rest of the explanation. He dropped the phone on the hook and ran out the door, grabbing his jacket on the way. He was already half-way to the hospital before he realized that he was still in the sweat pants and wife-beater that he slept in. But by that point, he really didn’t care. He ran through the double doors and straight into an old woman with a look of pain on her face. He mumbled something that vaguely sounded like ‘sorry’ and ran down the rest of the hall to the e.r. He couldn’t help but think that he knew his way around the hospital by heart now.

Liz was already there, in the waiting room. She gave him a pained smile and pulled him into a hug. For once, Michael hugged back. She looked him straight in the eye. “She’s in surgery. They said that if it doesn’t work she can die or go braindead.”

“How did-”

“She shot herself in the head. Valenti had stayed the night with her mom.”

At that moment, he admired Liz more than anyone in the world. Her best friend since the third grade was in surgery after attempting suicide, and yet she stayed strong. Then he had a thought.

“Did she . . . leave a note?”

Liz’s eyes clouded over and for a moment Michael thought that she was going to slap him. But then her face softened and she sighed. “Yeah. Michael, I can’t blame you. I almost want to, want to blame you, I mean. But I can’t. How could you have known?”

“You know what the funny thing is? I kept telling myself that I was doing it so she wouldn’t get hurt.” He let out a harsh laugh. “There’s a laugh. Don’t want her to get hurt. My god, what have I done?”

*end flashback*

The surgery didn’t work. Maria’s mother is still convinced that Maria will one day snap out of it, be Maria again, so she doesn’t sign the do-not-resituate order. Michael sometimes wishes that she would. Just to make it easier to let go. To say goodbye.

For a while, Maria’s mom blamed him, after getting over the initial shock. She wouldn’t let him in, near her Maria. But eventually she let him see her, hovering over them all the time, of course. And little by little, she trusted him again.

So no one blamed him. No insults or accusations or constant reminders that it was him that pushed Maria over the edge. It didn’t matter anyway. Michael didn’t need them.

Isabel often told him that he had to move on. Tess was always making moves on him and Isabel pushed him to pursue her. But Michael couldn’t. If he did, he would be letting go the one thing that he had left. All he had was that she was the last person that he had been with, made love to, kissed. He couldn’t say goodbye to that.

Alex put a hand on his shoulder. Michael looked over at him gratefully. Yes, Maria’s accident had all brought them closer together and Michael often looked toward Alex as a brother as much as he looked toward Max. He like the fact that Alex and him were able to find some common ground, but he definitely wished that it could be under better circumstances.

Michael stood up suddenly. He looked at Alex ferociously. Alex looked at him questioningly. “I have to talk to Amy.”

Alex’s eyes grew a little wider. “Are you sure, Michael?”

“Sometimes you just have to say goodbye.”

Alex nodded and clasped Michael’s hand in his own, squeezing it encouragingly. “I’ll come with you.”

*Epilougue*

Everyone was there when it happened. Liz was sitting at the foot of the bed, gently kneading Maria’s feet. Max was sitting towards the head, playing with her hair and whispering about how he would always tell his kids about his amazing Aunt Maria. Alex and Isabel had assumed the same position, on either side of the bed, clasping both of her hands. Amy was sitting on the bed, quietly sobbing.

Michael wasn’t touching her. If he did he wouldn’t be able to say it. He wouldn’t be able to let go.

They all watched as the beeping on the heart monitor sped up, then slowed down, then finally stopped. It was done. They sat in silence for a while, all crying in each of their own ways. Amy was the first one to leave, to talk to the minister. The rest filed out eventually. Liz was the last one to go. He smiled at Michael through her tears and kissed him lightly on the lips and hugged him. Then she was gone. Michael was alone with his Maria. One last time.

He reached into his pocket pulling out a piece of paper that was obviously torn from a book. His voice cracked a little as he read what was on it.

“For fear that I will stay with them and never from this place of dim night depart again. Here, here I will remain with worms that are thy chambermaids; O, here will I set up upon my everlasting rest, and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars form this world wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! And lips, O you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.” His voice cracked and he looked down at Maria’s still form. He leaned over and gently kissed her lips that could not kiss back. “Thus with a kiss I die.”

He stuffed the piece of paper back in his pocket and wiped the tears harshly away. He started to walk out and looked back one more time. “I love you Maria. Goodbye.” Then he was gone.

Back to Area 51 (Section II)