Rating: PG

Summary: Maria's 8th grade crush on Doug Sohn isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Disclaimer: Yes, a new long rant for you to read! (happy radish dance ensues) I got bored with the other one. So, hmm... Let's see. (steps up to the podium and taps lightly on the microphone) Is this thing on? Okay. In case you haven't figured it out, I don't own anything Roswellian. (sniffles) But hey, Mr. Katims, if you read this and you want to give a slightly offbeat 21 year old a job working on your show, I'm your girl! Well, it was worth a shot, huh? (smile) Please don't sue me. I just like writing Roswell stories 'cause the characters are cool and I love them. You should all be flattered. Really. (nods convincingly and then wanders offstage)

Distrubution of this story is allowed. Just let me know who, what, when, where, and why.

Author's Note: This story was dreamt up after wondering why exactly Doug Sohn was such an amateur. And why Michael was the real thing, as was said by Maria in 'The Balance'. It also has some major hints for the Roswell Elementary camping trip arc, which is still being held hostage, sorry! Kara and I are oh so cruel. But hey, at least you guys finally get to find out about what we mean by the door! J

And with that out of the way, we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic... (fanfare)

***

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly...
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to be free."

--"Blackbird", The Beatles, 1968.

***

Maria DeLuca shyly smiled at Doug Sohn. He was in a whole bunch of her 8th grade classes and he was a pretty cute guy too. He had light brown hair and nice tanned skin and big blue eyes and a wide, easy smile. At least she could admit that she thought guys were cute now. Even her best friend Liz Parker had a crush on Kyle Valenti.

Maria didn't really understand that herself. Kyle had been such a jerk when they were in elementary school. Though he had mellowed out a little bit now that they were in middle school. He was on a bunch of athletic teams now. Basketball, football, wrestling. Maybe it helped him to work off his frustrations or something, she didn't know.

Then Doug actually smiled back at her. She couldn't believe it! She was tempted to bring out her cedar oil vial and take a long sniff but she didn't want him to think she was a total spaz so... She quickly canned that idea.

They'd never really talked before, even though they had exchanged a lot of looks. He was pretty new to school. He had just moved here at the beginning of the year. From Texas. He had the cutest accent too.

Suddenly, U.S. History class wasn't quite so boring anymore. Maria opened to a fresh sheet of paper in her notebook and started scribbling out a note to Liz about Doug's smile. She'd give it to her next period in Pre-Algebra.

It took her about two pages to tell about that one tiny thing. She just had an eye for detail. And for stretching it to the maximum. She grinned excitedly, not caring if Doug was watching or not. Maybe she'd actually get a boyfriend this year. It was about time too.

***

Maria ran frantically to her locker to drop off her History book. Changing classes was a major pain in the butt. No homework tonight for History, thank God. Score one for Miss Donahue. The question was, would it ever happen again? Hmm... Doubtful.

To top it all off, her locker wouldn't open. If Liz was here, she'd be laughing and blaming it on Maria's notoriously messy locker. "Oh, come on!" she exclaimed, moaning. "Don't get stuck on me today!"

A hand shot out of nowhere and thumped on her locker. It slowly creaked open, and miraculously, no papers came tumbling out in a heap. She turned, a grateful smile on her face, and stared directly into the eyes of... Doug Sohn.

Her heart skipped a beat as she nervously tucked a curl behind her ears. "Thank you so much!" she gushed, smiling blindingly and really turning on the infamous DeLuca charm.

He grinned. "Not a problem at all," he answered.

Omigosh. She was going to have to can her letter to Liz, because Doug Sohn had actually spoken to her. Had... helped her. Came to her rescue. Umm, okay, she was going to have to start talking now. "So... Um, where are you going next?"

He startled. "Oh! Uhh, English," he finally answered.

Just then, Michael Guerin walked by and pulled her hair, smirking in that annoying way he had. Maria narrowed her eyes at him, and then he was gone, walking away from her. God, he still acted like they were kids. She groaned inwardly.

Then she tossed her curls back, considering. She looked from Michael's tall, lanky, and ungroomed exterior to Doug's smooth and clean good looks. She glanced at Michael again, bobbing off down the hall. Probably going to hide in the bathroom again or something. His clothes looked like they came from the Salvation Army or some other thrift store. She wrinkled her nose in distaste and returned her attentions to Doug, who was dressed in a nice button-down denim shirt and black designer jeans.

She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to ignore the prickling of repressed tears. Feelings of melancholy always enveloped her whenever Michael was around. Even though they hadn't been in a class together since fifth grade, she still... No. She wasn't going to even go there. Michael was a just a stupid jerk, and it had been a long time ago anyway.

"Oh," she finally said as she suddenly remembered the thread of the conversation she had been having with Doug. "I have Pre-Algebra next."

"Yeah? Which room?"

"136," Maria answered quietly, still a little shaken up. She tried to hide it with a smile. Yeah, pull the ditzy bubbly laughing Maria routine to avoid coming completely unglued. The same old route she always took.

"Really? I have class in 131. I can walk you partway," Doug said hopefully.

Maria stared at him for a minute. He really was a nice boy. Gorgeous too. And she liked him. And she did sort of feel a little spark when she was around him. Maybe. "I guess that would be okay," she replied, trying to keep her voice even.

"Cool!" Doug grinned, but then tried desperately to save face by playing it cool again. "Uhh... I mean, yeah, sure. Let's go."

She shot one more glance at Michael's now very distant figure. Some danced to remember, some danced to forget. And right now, she wanted to forget.

"Lead away," she answered at last, determined.

She and Doug walked off in the opposite direction. Their timing was off by just enough so that Maria didn't see how Michael turned back and stared regretfully at her. Then he slowly pushed open the door to the Boy's Room and disappeared.

***

Maria had fully recovered and was now back in full Maria mode as she chattered on and on to Liz about how Doug Sohn had actually walked her to class. And he really had walked her all the way, before turning around and practically running back down to his own class.

Liz just smiled patiently at Maria. She knew that there was much more to her best friend than the laughing, happy, pixie child face she carefully wore when she was out in the world. She just wished that more people could see who Maria really was underneath that.

There was a strange depth to Maria. One she wasn't even sure that she quite understood. There was an inner sadness to her. Gramma Claudia told her once that she thought Maria was an old soul. Somewhere inside her was something just waiting to be brought out and unchained. Liz couldn't wait till it happened for her. Kind, compassionate Maria would change somebody's life someday. Her hidden light would banish any thoughts of darkness. And maybe that lucky boy would be Doug Sohn.

"So, what do you think, Lizzie?" Maria was saying when Liz pulled herself out of her thoughts. She grinned excitedly. Eyes wide, face flushed.

"I think... I think Doug doesn't quite know what he's gotten himself into," Liz answered with a laugh as she took out her Pre-Algebra homework.

"Well, I think he's about to get a little taste of it, don't you?" Maria shot back, grinning from ear to ear.

Liz just shook her head briefly. "Get out your homework, Maria," she said, tenderly looking at her best friend and smiling.

"Oh! Right!" Maria began rapidly digging through her bag. "If I left it in my locker after all that, I think I'm going to have myself executed or something."

***

Michael came awake again, in the middle of the night, a wordless grimace of fear standing out on his frightened face . He hadn't had a nightmare in months, but this one had definitely made up for all the missed terror. He gasped and shook, tears silently rolling down his face. He had learned long ago not to cry aloud when he had one of his nightmares. Hank didn't hurt him a lot anymore, but sometimes he would. Just because he could. And because he was still bigger.

He never remembered his good dreams. He didn't even know if he had any good dreams. But he vividly remembered every frame of every nightmare he had ever had. Dreams of smoke, and fire, and confusion. Dreams where the ship crashed into the desert. Dreams where his parents or whoever abandoned them. And sometimes, dreams of Hank. Hank telling him he was a worthless piece of shit. Hank screaming at him, thousands of times, over and over. Hank... hurting him.

But the worst dreams were the ones of a crying girl with long blonde pullable curls. They were separated from each other. Wandering apart as the days turned into months, and the months turned into years. She still kept calling out to him, and he could hear her sobbing. But he ignored her. He had to ignore her, even though every tear that fell from her eyes pierced through to his very soul. If visitors like him even had a soul. Because of a promise he had made. And because Hank was right. He was worthless. Nobody could ever love him.

"Except for her," he whispered to himself before succumbing to the darkness of his dreams again.

***

Maria sat by her bedroom window, an old afghan wrapped around her. It was after midnight, and her mom still hadn't come home from her date. But she'd wait up anyway, even though she'd be falling asleep in her classes again tomorrow. She had to make sure that her mom was okay. Make sure she hadn't been drinking too much again or anything like that.

Sometimes she was afraid that her mom would never come back from one of her dates. She was scared that her mom would leave her too. Especially when she was out so late. And then she really would be alone.

It was like her mom was running. She knew how her mom looked at her sometimes. She wasn't blind. She knew that, looking at her, her mom couldn't help but think of her dad. A man she had never met. A man she didn't even have a single memory of.

She knew her mom loved her. In her heart, she knew that she did. And they were tight. More like friends instead of mother and daughter. Her mom was always saying that they didn't need a man to survive. But she thought that maybe her mom lied. It seemed like her mom did need a man. It just wasn't always the same man. It was a whole string of different ones. So many that she couldn't even keep track of them all anymore.

When she was really little, she had tried to remember them all. She had let herself get close to a couple of her mom's boyfriends. She thought maybe one of them could be her new dad. How she had cried every time her mom sat her down to explain to her that Bob or Dan or Tom wouldn't be coming over anymore. Now she didn't even bother to learn anything about any of her mom's dates. When a date came over to pick her mom up, she'd hide up in her room until she heard them leave.

An angry, bitter tear coursed down her cheek as she looked out the window. Waiting for any signs of life out there. The whole world slept on peacefully, at least as far as she could tell. Nobody knew about the crying, wandering little girl hidden inside of the laughing, vivacious young woman.

She dared to look at the moon hung in the sky outside her window tonight. The moon always reminded her of somebody. Somebody who had walked beside her underneath a moon just like that one on a clear desert night. Somebody with dark soulful eyes, soft spiky hair, and, that night, a new, unguarded look about him that she had never quite seen in him before. Something that she had brought out, for a little while anyway.

When she looked at the moon, a feeling of childish hope always gripped her. Maybe they'd find each other again someday. Maybe they'd meet each other under the moonlight again. Maybe they wouldn't always be lost to each other. Maybe her fragmentary, broken memories of that night would finally come back. Maybe she would get to feel that vibrant spark she got just from being with him again.

***

Maria yawned as she got out her History book. She was pretty much on auto-pilot today. Her mom hadn't gotten home till almost 1 o'clock in the morning. She was a little tipsy, but not too bad.

But she was in one of her moods. Thinking about her dad again. So she had curled up on the couch, and Maria had covered her up, stroking her hair and soothing her until she finally fell asleep. And then Maria had crawled back upstairs to her own room, where she had fallen into an exhausted sleep, full of tangled dreams about lost little boys who were just waiting to be found again.

"Hey, Maria," a male voice said at her elbow, startling her a little.

She turned to see who it was, and found herself looking into Doug's gorgeous blue eyes. "Doug. Hi!" she beamed at him, stunning him with her slightly daffy Maria smile. "Getting ready to jump into the exciting world of History?"

"Sure thing," Doug answered with a smile of his own. "Got anybody to walk you there yet?"

"Why? Are you offering?"

"Yeah, I guess I kinda am."

"Well, then I guess I kinda will," she replied with a laugh as they took off down the hall together.

But, as they walked, Maria couldn't help but think that walking beside Doug Sohn down the halls of the middle school wasn't nearly as thrilling as walking in the moonlight beside an 11 year old Michael Guerin had been.

***

Maria giggled and whispered with Nora Wells, who was in her History class. Miss Donahue wasn't in class yet. She wanted to make herself appear mysterious, in case Doug was watching.

Then Nora said, "I'm having a party at my house on Saturday. You can come if you want."

Maria raised an eyebrow. Sweet, shy little Nora, having a party? She was just about to reply, when Maggie Sherman spoke up from beside Maria. Maggie had grown even snottier since elementary school, which Maria hadn't quite believed was possible.

"A party?" Maggie snorted. "Yeah, and it'll probably be totally lame."

Maria felt herself getting angry. No. She must control herself. Count to ten or something. She wasn't a kid anymore. She couldn't just start pounding people whenever somebody hurt one of her friends. Besides, what would Doug think?

She couldn't help it though. Maggie was a total snob. And Maria hated it when people got picked on. Especially defenseless people like Nora. She was so nice, and she just didn't deserve to have Maggie making fun of her.

So she stood up menacingly, the old flash in her eyes. "It's gonna be a cool party!" she said defiantly to Maggie. "And if you don't watch yourself, Nora's not gonna invite you! And you'll be all upset because you weren't invited to the coolest party ever."

Maggie tittered and rolled her eyes comically. But she did look a little scared. She still remembered what a fierce little tiger Maria DeLuca had been back in elementary school. But all she said in response was, "Oh, please."

"It is gonna be a cool party! Right, Nora?" She looked over at her friend for support. She was clutching her pen so hard that her knuckles were turning white. And she looked like she was trying really hard not to cry.

Maria's heart swelled as she reached down and hugged Nora tight, crooning to her softly and making sure she was okay. Then she looked up at Maggie again, enraged. "Now look what you did," she roared.

"Oh, forgive me," Maggie said sarcastically. Her eyes glinted evilly as a malicious grin spread across her face. "So, if it's gonna be such a 'cool party', maybe I'll just stop by with my friends. Show you what a real party's like."

"Fine," Maria shot back, not bothering to consider what Maggie meant by 'a real party.' "I'll see you there. Right, Nora?"

Nora gulped and finally nodded before putting her head down on the desk. Her shoulders shook. Maria went back to comforting her, snuggling up against her and brushing her hair gently from her forehead as she glared icily at Maggie.

"Fine," Maggie returned with a haughty sniff as she began furiously whispering with Pam Troy.

The entire class murmured together about what had just happened. But Doug only sat there silently, watching Maria with a shocked look on his face.

***

Kyle and Doug sneered over at Alex, eying him critically. He was wearing another one of those stupid button-down shirts again. And he was actually carrying a chess board in one hand. "Hey, get a load of Whitman, huh?" Kyle scoffed.

"At least he's not carrying that stupid guitar he usually drags around. What a wannabe," Doug answered.

Then he and Kyle broke down into raucous laughter. Alex Whitman was such a geek, Doug thought to himself. Who in the world would ever want to hang out with him?

Then his thoughts turned to Maria DeLuca, and the party that Nora was having. A real party, that chick Maggie had said. That was exactly what he needed. He had wanted Maria since the moment he had laid eyes on her. She was ditzy, she'd probably be really easy. And he knew she had a crush on him. All he had to do was turn on the charm a little, pull his little shy, sweet act, and she was his.

But he was surprised that Maria had stuck up for that quiet little mouse Nora. Why had she done that? Maggie was only one of the most popular girls in school. And she'd been tough, too. She had sort of scared him, actually. Maybe she wasn't such an airhead after all.

He puzzled to himself over it for a while as he watched Kyle drooling over Liz. He'd never get that way with a girl. Not really anyway. Just to get what he wanted.

***

Michael looked around nervously as he walked down the empty hallway, listening intently for approaching footsteps. He'd been held after school, again. Because he had skipped one too many classes, again. He'd discovered in middle school that bathrooms and storage closets were the perfect places to hide. But he had also discovered that they were a lot tougher on you when you broke the rules.

Not that he really cared about the rules. It never really bugged him when he got in trouble. No one cared anyway. Nobody cared what he did. School was just some big stupid joke. They just noticed when he did something wrong. And he did lots of things wrong.

He arrived at her locker and stared at it. Little happy face stickers and those crazy neon psychadelic flower power stickers stuck all over it. How very Maria that was. He grinned in spite of himself as he waved his hand over her locker, thinking of her.

Her locker door swung open. Books and papers crashed all over the floor in an avalanche and he groaned as he looked around again, hoping nobody would hear the noise and come to investigate. Stupid cheesehead. She couldn't even keep her locker neat like a normal person.

He picked up all her papers and put them in an organized pile for her. And then he carefully stacked her books too, storing them back in her locker.

He shrugged his backpack off and brought out the beautiful wild rose that he had cut 4th period just to find . He had walked all the way back to the trailer park just to cut off one of those dusky pink wild roses. Because they reminded him of something for some reason. Something that had happened with her that night in the desert.

He glared darkly down at the rose. It was wrapped up in a wet paper towel to keep it from dying. That stupid rose had gotten him into so much trouble. He'd been caught sneaking back into school, and they had nailed him.

He tossed the rose into her locker and slammed the door. And then he slumped up against her locker for a while, afraid. Because, somehow, it was worth going out and getting that rose for her. Even if he did have to stay after school every day this week. And that scared the hell out of him.

***

Bright and early the next morning, Maria dragged herself to her locker and opened it blearily. She gasped and quickly slammed the door shut. What had happened? She inched the door open again and gazed inside. Her books were stacked neatly on the top shelf. And her papers were in an organized pile at the bottom of her locker.

She just stood like that, staring vacantly into her locker for what felt like the longest time. Then Michael Guerin came sauntering by. "Hey, Frogface, looks like a miracle occurred, huh?" He smirked at her as he gestured to her tidy locker.

"It's too early in the morning, Electromagnetic Hair Boy," she growled as he casually walked on.

Michael hid himself just around the corner so he could see. He watched, expressionlessly, as she discovered the rose. Total pandemonium, just like he had figured. She squealed and jumped up and down, doing her little happy dance in front of her locker. The same happy dance she had done for as long as he had known her. And he let himself smile for just a second.

And then he saw that jerk Doug Sohn walk up to her and he watched, frozen, as she threw her arms around him in an exuberant hug. He sighed and kicked at the wall angrily, cursing to himself.

And then they were walking past him together. "Thank you so much for the rose! It's beautiful," she was saying to a confused looking Doug. She never even noticed that he was there.

Michael didn't feel so well all of a sudden. He took off for the bathroom. Maybe he could kick in the stalls or burn some paper towels with his powers or something to make himself feel better.

***

Maria smiled happily at Doug as they walked together towards homeroom. She couldn't believe it. A rose in her locker... It was probably the most romantic thing that had ever happened to her. It was almost as good as when Liz used to get those flowers on her desk every Wednesday in fifth grade. And it was definite proof that he liked her.

She clutched the rose and squealed, grinning blindingly at him. "That is just so awesome of you. Where did you get it from anyway? It doesn't look like you bought it. Looks like one of those wild roses. God, I think wild roses are so much more beautiful than the ones in the stores, don't you? Yeah, obviously, you do. So, how did you get it? How did you put in my locker?"

Doug squirmed a little. Probably embarassed about it. I mean, it was 8th grade after all. He was probably worried he'd be teased about it, 'cause most 8th grade boys had absolutely no maturity at all. Except for Doug. He was different. Her opinion of him shot up about a million points.

"Oh... I just... Found it. You know." He shrugged and smiled mysteriously. "It made me think of you and stuff."

"Yeah? So I'm like a wild rose, huh?" She laughed and bumped him with her hip.

"Yeah... Right," Doug replied with a grin. "So, you going to Nora's party?"

"Oh! Yeah, I think so... Nora's been my friend for like, forever. Why?"

"Well, you know, I'm going too..."

Maria's heart skipped a beat. Was he implying what she thought he was implying? "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there, then." She smiled warmly at him.

"Yeah, maybe you will," Doug answered with a shy smile. "Bye, Maria."

"Bye, Doug," Maria answered airily as she floated into her homeroom.

She never even noticed how Doug's face quickly darkened into a scowl. A rose, Doug thought to himself, snorting. Yeah, like he'd ever give her a rose.

***

Maria looked around Nora's basement, stifling a yawn. There was almost total silence. You could practically hear the termites chewing through the walls as everybody sat in little clusters, talking quietly and chomping on junk food.

Nora was fretting to herself over by the bar, so Maria went over to talk to her. "Hey, Nora," she said, putting a comforting hand on her friend's trembling shoulders. "Why don't you put some music on or something? Get the place shakin' down tonight!" She grinned.

Nora smiled a strained smile and managed to say, "Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks, Maria. For everything."

Maria grinned her best pixie grin at Nora. "Hey, no problemo. I kinda enjoyed telling off that Barbie wannabe Maggie. Been wanting to for years. Now go, scoot! Andale! Play that funky music."

And that got a little smile out of Nora, which made Maria glad beyond relief. She winked at Liz from across the room and cupped her hands over her mouth to make an impromptu megaphone. "Okay, is everybody ready for the music and dancing?" she yelled out gleefully.

Finally, things started to come alive when Nora put on a dance mix tape. Everybody was laughing, talking, dancing, and really having a good time. Maria watched Nora carefully, practically feeling her friend's sigh of relief. And when a cute boy came up to Nora and asked her to dance, Maria was absolutely elated. Nora was a very pretty girl, even though she was really shy. And she definitely deserved to have a break.

But just then, trouble arrived in the form of Gracie Cohen, Isabel Evans, and of course, Maggie Sherman herself. Tagging along behind them were Kyle Valenti and his two annoying jock friends who shared a brain, Tommy and Paulie. And someone else, too. Doug Sohn? She raised her eyebrows in surprise. She couldn't believe Doug was hanging out with Kyle and his two goons. Oh well, Liz said that Kyle was an okay guy, so maybe... She didn't know.

Doug spotted Maria and smiled his best lady killer smile. She looked absolutely perfect tonight. He briefly wondered how far he could get with her before he leaned down and whispered something into Gracie's ear. Gracie laughed shrilly and nodded her understanding. She knew what the plan was. And Maria DeLuca deserved it, for the way she had treated poor Maggie. Gracie Cohen always looked after her own.

Maria fidgeted nervously as Doug approached her. "Hey, Maria," he said.

"Doug, hi," Maria replied, unearthing another sunny smile for him.

Just then, the music died and Gracie, standing by the stereo, announced, "Hey, everybody. Maggie knew this wasn't gonna be a real party. Guess she was right." She smirked at the crowd. "There's a little game that people play at real parties. It's called Three Minutes in Heaven." She paused dramatically as a collective gasp ran through the crowd of 8th graders. A make-out game?

"So," Maggie picked up, glaring directly at Maria. "If anybody's too babyish to stick around, leave now. You'll be the laughingstock of the 8th grade."

Maria fumed silently to herself as she caught Nora's scared looking eyes. The poor girl was once again near tears. And it was all her fault, really. Because she had goaded Maggie into coming with her friends. God, at that moment Maria just hated Maggie, Gracie. All of them.

Then Isabel explained the rules in a detached sounding voice. "Each couple that we pick has to go into that closet over there for three minutes of pure heaven."

"Whatever that means to you," Maggie chimed in with a toss of her snotty head.

"And the first lucky couple is... Doug Sohn and Maria DeLuca!" Gracie announced, not even bothering to hide her glee.

Maria's heart sped up. Three minutes, in a closet? Alone, with Doug? "Ohmigosh," she muttered. Where was her cedar oil when she needed it?

Doug just smiled reassuringly at her and took her hand, pulling her into the closet while everybody else cheered and hollered. This was the moment of truth for him. Had he picked a good one? He was about to find out, he thought to himself as he shut the door behind them.

Maria looked around in the darkness and then fumbled towards the lightswitch, turning it on so she could see Doug. "Okay, so... How does this game work exactly?" she asked uncertainly.

"Simple." Doug grinned, still clinging on to his sweet guy act. "We kiss."

Maria blushed. "And... and that's all it is, right? Just... kissing? Nothing else?"

"I'll be a perfect gentleman," Doug lied.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Okay."

And Doug leaned in and kissed her roughly, which she didn't mind so much at first. But then he forced his tongue into her mouth and she felt confused. She didn't think kissing was supposed to be like this. She didn't know how, but she felt like there was another kiss buried somewhere that she was comparing to this one. A sweet, gentle kiss from long ago. But it could have just been a dream, or a wish.

She felt like screaming in disgust. This wasn't right. A sloppy, wet, tongue kiss with Doug panting frantically right in her face. This wasn't what it was supposed to feel like at all. Where was the spark? Where was the magic? She supposed she felt some sort of primal thrill, but it just wasn't special. She felt like he was just using her. Doug's hands were everywhere, roaming her body. She couldn't believe what was happening to her. What had happened to Doug Sohn, the shy boy who had given her the beautiful wild rose?

And when his hands wound themselves into her curls, that was the last straw. She twisted away angrily. That was way over the line. Her curls belonged to someone else. "Don't touch my hair!" she cried, tears standing out in her eyes.

"What? Why not?" Doug was confused, and very disappointed. Guess he picked the wrong one after all.

"I don't know," Maria answered softly. Though she did know why, somewhere. "I just don't want you to, okay?"

And she got up in a huff, just as Gracie called out in her sickenly sweet voice through the closet door, "Your three minutes are up."

She opened up the door, desperate to get away from Doug and from the revulsion, the wrongness, that was winding its path through her body. She didn't care what she looked like, she just had to get away. So she fled. She fled up the stairs and found herself alone in Nora's bedroom.

***

Maria raised her head. She had no idea how long it had been since she'd flung herself desperately on Nora's four-poster bed. There were noises coming from the hallway. She inched open the door so she could see.

Alex was standing in the bathroom doorway, looking scared. Kyle, Tommy, Paulie, and Doug surrounded him. Maria couldn't believe her eyes. When had Doug turned into such a jerk? And how had she been fooled so easily?

"Hey, Whitman, where's your chessboard tonight?" Kyle Valenti sneered at Alex.

"Yeah, Whitman, it always impresses the ladies when you take that geeky thing out and start to show off with it," Tommy chimed in.

"Nahh, the best is when he carries around his dorky little guitar," Doug answered with a mean laugh.

"Leave him alone!" Maria yelled, running towards them, fists held out. "Now! I mean it!" She glared at the four boys, enraged.

Tommy and Paulie flinched back. Even Kyle looked scared. And Alex grinned. Hurricane DeLuca was back for a brief reappearance. But Doug... Doug just went on teasing Alex and completely ignoring her. And Maria was disgusted. Nobody talked to her friends like that.

"Stop it, Doug!" she screamed.

"Why do you care? Whitman's just a total dork anyway," Doug scoffed.

"No, he's not. He's my friend, one of my best friends! We've been friends since 4th grade, and he's much more of a man than you'll ever be."

Doug was stunned. She actually hung around with Whitman and admitted it openly? What had he ever wanted this girl for? "I doubt that," he returned arrogantly.

"You're not who I thought you were at all," Maria growled at him.

Doug just smirked at her. "Thanks," he said flippantly.

"That wasn't a compliment," Maria spat out, a deadly light coming into her eyes.

Tommy, Paulie, and Kyle started to slowly back away. They knew that when Maria DeLuca got that look on her face, she meant business.

And she did. Hurricane DeLuca unleashed her full force on Doug Sohn, a whirling, spinning mass of blonde curls and white fire. She kicked and punched him, sobbing, until Alex had to pull her away. And then she collapsed into her best friend's arms and looked down at the boy she had only yesterday been so sure was the right one for her.

***

A few miles away, Maria's real soulmate was fretfully lying on a sleeping bag in Max Evans' bedroom when Isabel waltzed in from the party she had gone to that night. Nora's, Michael recalled. He never went to any parties. Parties pretty much always sucked.

Isabel plopped herself down on Max's bed. Max was downstairs watching some movie on tv. Why Michael didn't join him, Isabel would never know. Michael was weird like that sometimes. "Aren't you going to ask me how it was?"

"You'll tell me anyway so why should I bother?" Michael returned moodily. He was still thinking about the mistake he had made with the rose.

"We played Three Minutes in Heaven," Isabel informed him. "It was Gracie's dumb idea. But anyway, guess who Maria DeLuca got stuck in the closet with?"

"Doug Sohn," Michael answered with a sigh.

"How did you know that?" Isabel asked, surprised.

"Lucky guess."

"Michael, you know... Whatever you guys had, it was a long time ago and I'm sure--"

Michael closed his eyes so she wouldn't see how hurt he was. He hated to shut her out, but it just wasn't any of her business. "Good night, Izzy."

"Michael," Isabel tried again, pleading with him.

"I said, good night, Izzy." Michael's voice was cold.

Isabel rolled her eyes. "Fine. Good night, Michael." She stalked out of the room.

Michael peeked carefully out of one eye, making sure she really was gone before he sat up and began hunting for Max's yearbook from last year. He had to know. He had to know what Maria really felt.

He didn't dreamwalk that well, but he could. Sometimes. Izzy had helped him out a lot. So he paged through the yearbook until he found her picture, and then he stared longingly down at her 7th grader face, tracing it with his fingers. He'd wait until a little later to start. Because she probably wasn't asleep yet. But soon... Maybe after Max went to bed. He hid the yearbook under his pillow and waited until then.

***

Michael looked around in surprise. He was in a mostly dark, empty room. And, there, in the center, a spotlight illuminated her. Maria. His knees weakened. It reminded him of that day on the bus together, when they had gone on that camping trip with their class. The day of Mr. Raddish's infamous breakdown. The sunlight all over her hair. Beautiful. Later, when he got back to the trailer, he had drawn that scene in colored pencil, because it wouldn't have looked right in plain old black and white. She always looked better in color. More alive, somehow.

But then he saw that she wasn't alone. She was absorbed in a conversation with... Doug. Michael felt a twist of jealousy rage through his body. But there was no spotlight shining down on him. He was shadowed. Dark. And he actually got a little satisfaction from that.

He watched enviously as Doug leaned in to kiss Maria, pawing all over her. Little horndog probably had his tongue in her mouth too. She didn't seem to mind until he wound his fingers into her hair. And then she pulled away abruptly. "Don't touch my hair!" she cried angrily.

"What? Why not?" Doug looked genuinely confused.

When this had really happened, when they were in the closet together, she hadn't been able to tell him why not. But this was an uninhibited dream. "Only Michael can touch my hair like that," she admitted.

"Michael who?" Doug asked sneeringly.

"You know, Cheesehead Guerin," she answered with a soft smile as she thought of the spiky-haired and sullen boy who had dared to try and tame her wild curls and even wilder spirit. "So just... Go away, Doug."

And Doug stepped back, fading away into the darkness. There was a brief flash of light. And Michael's dream double stood there for a moment, a spotlight gleaming down on him too. Wearing a tux for some strange reason, and smiling dashingly at her. Their vibrating lights hummed towards each other for a moment as she gazed longingly at him.

"Not yet," she whispered sadly as the dream Michael also faded away into nothingness.

And then she was alone again. She looked around, and then slowly crossed the gloomy room, heading towards a small door he hadn't seen before.

Michael watched, fascinated, as she pushed it open and walked through. A voice, Maria's voice, somberly intoned, "All that is forgotten stays behind this door until it's ready to come out. If it ever is ready."

He followed, a little afraid, as images assaulted him from every side. Every forgotten thing from her life flashed through his mind in an instant as he stepped through the threshhold, from Maria's birth right up to the History facts for the quiz she had taken yesterday morning.

Another room. A room filled with laughter and innocence. A room filled with tears, hatred, and fear. Loneliness assaulted him. And there were people. People he'd never seen. And some people he had. Liz, six years old, wearing a dress with a cupcake pattern for some reason. Alex, a black eye already starting to appear on his worried face, watching in stunned silence as Maria punched out Rodney Hodgkins for calling him a chessboy. A young Maria looking sadly out of her bedroom window, waiting for a limousine to pull up and wondering why one never did. Dozens of images. Dozens of faces, rushing through the years.

And then, time seemed to slow down for a moment as visions of himself began to appear. Michael, huddling alone on the bleachers. Michael, covered in paint and laughing euphorically. Smirking mischievously. Tossing M&M's. Tugging her curls. Holding her hand in the circle they had gathered together in before the disastrous school play began. Taunting her endlessly.

"Cheeseface!"

Michael, holding out a silvery-colored pencil to a stunned Maria. Michael sitting on a swing at the playground, hunched over his sketchpad, a soft look on his face. Michael daring to kiss her under the moonlight in a dry empty desert. Michael, gently placing an arrowhead in her hand. Michael touching her hair, whispering her name.

"Maria."

Her name floated through his mind like a gentle feather in the harshest wind. And he couldn't stand it anymore. A startled cry of anguish tore itself out of his throat as he remembered right along with her. Everything. Everything he had tried so hard to forget. Everything he hadn't wanted to remember in the first place. It was all here. Sealed up in this room.

She looked up, startled. And he knew that she had finally seen him from the way her eyes dramatically widened. "Michael!" she cried, running to him.

"Maria," he gasped as the visions finally stopped. "You... you forgot."

"No! I never forgot. Not really," Maria whispered, staring imploringly at him. "I just... I was scared. Of what I felt for you. What I... still feel." Tears coursed down her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he shushed her gently. He could be gentle here. Because she'd forget again. Everything in here was forgotten. Maybe forever. "It kills me when I see you cry. Right here," he pointed to his still-human heart as he swallowed, "and... And everywhere."

"We're going to forget again, aren't we?" Maria asked suddenly, a few stray tears still leaking out of her eyes.

"I think so, yeah." He reached out and squeezed her hand. As much to receive strength as to give it. "'Cause I'm scared, too." Not just of how he felt for her. But of telling her who he really was. He was scared she'd think he was... a monster.

Here, in her dream, everything that held him back was gone. And he saw what he could be to her, if he let go of himself long enough. What she could be to him. But it wasn't their time yet. He knew that. And she did too.

Shelves lined the walls of this little forgotten pocket of a room. Shelves crammed full of memories, wishes, and dreams. He spied something sitting on one beside him and carefully grabbed it and held on tight to it. His eyes gleamed and he looked at her. "Hold out your hand," he said.

She shot him a confused yet somehow knowing look and wordlessly did what he asked, stretching out her hand in front of her.

"Wait... Close your eyes, too." He smirked at her.

She rolled her eyes and whacked him playfully. He sighed as the old familiar thrill coursed through him. Along with the old familiar pain. Then she finally complied again and closed her eyes.

He watched her for a second, an undeniably warm feeling invading his body. He allowed it to take over, giddily. Then he slid what he had taken into her hand.

Whatever it was, it was small, hard, and cool. A rock, maybe? She peeked her eyes open a little, and then opened them all the way and laughed while he looked on. His darkened heart always felt a little lighter when Maria laughed.

"The arrowhead!" she exclaimed with a grin, looking at him. She still had it somewhere. The real one. And the pencil he had given her too. She had never even used that pencil. It was still perfectly unsharpened.

"For my favorite Cheesehead," he replied, his usual wiseass smirk fixed on his oddly handsome face.

"Your only Cheesehead, I hope," she answered, smacking him on the shoulder.

"Ow! Radishface!" He hit her back. Hard. On a reflex. "Uhh... Are we too old for this now?" He looked at her uncertainly.

"No... Still too young," she answered softly. She felt tears come to her eyes again and she gazed down at the floor.

"Hey." He tipped her chin up with one hand and stared into her crying eyes with his own deeply wounded ones. "Why are you so upset?"

"Because this isn't real," she told him sadly. "It's just a stupid dream and I'm gonna wake up in my bed after it's over and feel even worse."

"Maria, it's not... It's not like that. You're not even gonna remember. We're here, remember? It's different here, because we can really talk. And be free. Besides... we're not ready. You know we're not. You said--"

"I know what I said," she cut in. And then, after a brief pause, she continued, "I didn't realize you could say so much at once."

"Yeah, well... It's different here. Can't you feel it?"

"Yeah... Like I can actually say what I really want to say and not be afraid."

"Not have to cover it up," he said quietly, looking at her admirably. She really did understand.

"Right," she replied, swiping at her leaking eyes. "I can be myself with you. I've always felt like that. Someday I'll be able to tell you that for real."

"Me, too," he whispered hoarsely, his voice throbbing with emotion.

He reached out then and daringly brought his hands into her hair for the second time. She sighed happily as his fingers stroked carefully through her curls. It felt right when he did that.

Deja vu. She reached out her hand and landed it on top of his head as they stared powerfully at each other. The only vaguely recalled memories of Michael's soft spiky hair under her fingers suddenly came to the surface again as she wove her hands through his hair.

And then he leaned in and kissed her. Really kissed her, the way Doug had kissed her in Nora's basement closet. Using his tongue. But this time, she actually liked it. And she felt that familiar Michael spark surge through her body as he tenderly, reverently, toyed with her curls. Her own hands plunged urgently through his hair as the kiss went on and on.

He paused for a moment, to catch his breath. And he confessed, "I gave you the rose." He waited just long enough for her eyes to widen in pleasant surprise before he leaned in and kissed her all over again.

And just like that, Michael's kiss left Doug's behind in the dust. And she knew that she and Michael would somehow find a way back to each other, even if she was meant to forget. Maybe the amnesia was for a reason.

When they finally fell apart, Michael gasped as he stared at her. He gulped. He had never felt anything like that before in his life. In fact, he'd never done anything like that either. And he knew he wouldn't want to with any other girl. Ever.

He'd wake up someday and remember. And when he did, she had better watch out. Because when that happened, he'd never run from her again. She'd tame him, and he'd let her. He was just waiting to be set free.

"It's time to go," he finally managed to get out between swallows of air.

"I know," she whispered bravely.

No more words needed to be said. They just looked at each other. Silently. Speaking volumes with their eyes. Vibrating together. He thought that he might have been crying. Or maybe she was crying. Maybe they both were. Over the sudden discovery and quick painless loss of something they were destined to find again someday.

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