Thought I Might Get a Rocket Ride

Disclaimer: Not mine…Roswell or the song which happens to be by my favorite band, Counting Crows
Summary: Sometimes the person we need the most is right in front of us the whole time
Authors note: This is kinda different to my usual fics, but I thought it would be nice to try these two out. Hope you guys like it and let me know what you think. Feedback is welcomed!

We spend most of our weekends at each others' houses. She makes me coffee and listens while I talk about my job and the new couch I bought for my apartment. She nods and pulls her hair into a ponytail and picks invisible lint off her own immaculate furnishings.

We have a strange relationship. Ever since…well, for a long time, we've been the only people that understand us. She knows that I'm unsatisfied and lonely and more than a little disgruntled by my situation. I know that she is depressed and tired and alone. We know this and we listen while the other person says it again, just in different words, about different happenings…but always meaning the same thing.

She is more than beautiful and once upon a time she knew it. She used to hold her head high with confidence, but the years have stripped her of this quality. I tell her she looks good, but she will not believe it. In a way I don't believe it. She looks tired. She looks sad.

I would never have thought that I would be here, in this beautiful sad woman's house when I was at high school. No predictions would have brought this into my mind. She was the unattainable and she knew it. Hell, she liked it that way. She was untouchable and distant and adored by every male in a 200 mile radius.

Now she changes the subject if we talk about the past. If we talk about high school she shrugs and says that none of that matters anymore.

It's funny, because I don't think it does.

I always thought I'd be married by the time I hit thirty. I'd have the wife, the kids and the house. Preferably an intimidating looking dog out the back and a flower garden out front.

I'm thirty three and there hasn't been a woman in my path that I've wanted to marry. Well, not one that I could get. I don't have any kids, at least none that I know of. My home is a pretty nice apartment with animal restrictions and a window box.

My friends love me. I am a good person. I watch them, partnered together with a grace and ease it is hard not to be envious. I don't begrudge their happiness. They deserve all they can get, and I just wish it would rub off onto me.

She has small moments of happiness, and she shares them with me. Her daughter recently turned three and we celebrated the day together. She cried that night, for all the things that have gone wrong, and for all the things that have gone right. I held her and told her that things would be right from now on.

I wonder sometimes if it could ever be me. The person she is waiting to find. The happiness she yearns for, the stability she needs for her tiny family. I wonder if she is the woman that could help complete me and wash away these feelings of resentment and loss that follow me through everything.

I am angry for a lot of things. I am angry for the man that hurt her and made her hide the face that brings me joy. I am angry for my own troubled love life that has resulted in my mistrust of strangers. I am angry for my closed heart and broken mind. I am angry for the loss of a friend and lover that hurt us both more than anyone expected. I am angry for the deception that we both were subject to, from a sister and confidant.

I am angry because I cannot tell her that she makes me. That she could hold me once and I would die happy. That I love her daughter with all my heart and would love to buy her a puppy to keep in her backyard.

I am angry that the years have changed the brave young man into an aging coward.

"Can we talk?"

"Uh huh…you want coffee?"

"Can you just…"

"I've put the jug on."

"Oh…thanks…could you…"

"I think it's going to start snowing soon."

"Yeah…listen…"

"Nicki fell off her bike this morning…I think it's broken."

"I'll take a look at it…can you just listen for a second?"

"Sure…I was listening."

"No you weren't."

"I was too."

"Shut up. I need to talk to you."

"Is this about that woman down the hall from you? I told you, I think you should stay away from her…she's never in the laundry, which implies that she doesn't wash her clothes…"

"I was going to say…"

"I just can't imagine you with a smelly woman…"

"I…"

"Not that there's anything wrong with bad personal hygiene…who am I kidding, of course there's something wrong with it."

"Would you just stop talking?"

"Sorry. You're in a bad mood today."

"I'm not."

"Are too."

"Grrr…don't start this. I need to talk to you."

"So talk already."

"I think…"

"Yeah…you think what? Geez…what?"

"I think…I'm in love…"

"Oh my God! With who? That's wonderful!"

"Yeah…shut up. Ok?"

"…"

"With…you."

"Me?"

"Yeah…you and Nicki and…you."

"Oh…"

"Don't say it like that."

"I'm just…surprised."

"It's just, we spend all this time together, bitching about everything that we've missed out on, and I realized…"

"That it's been there the entire time?"

"Yeah."

"So…I love you, Isabel Evans."

"Me and my neurosis and my illegitimate child?"

"Because of those."

"Funny…"

"What's funny?"

"I think I love you too, Kyle Valenti."

"That is kinda funny."

"Yeah…like we've been waiting…"

"For the day that we'd both see…"

"Mmmm…"

"Maybe we might both get a rocket ride."

"What?"

"Don't worry."

Thought I might get a rocket ride
When I was a child but it was a lie
That I told myself when I needed something good
At seventeen, had a better dream.
Now I'm thirty-three and it isn't me
But I'd think of something better if I could
All my friends and lovers leave me behind
I'm still looking for a girl
One way or another
I'm just hoping to find a way
To put my feet out in the world
Caught some grief from a falling leaf
As she tumbled down to the dirty ground
Said I should have put her back there if I could
But everyone needs a better day
And I'm trying to find me a better way
To get from the things I do to the things I should
All my friends and lovers leave me alone
To try to have a little fun
One way or another I just wish I had known
To go out walking in the sun
And find out if you were the one
Does it make you wanna come a little closer now?
And did you wanna dance with me?
Did you wanna hum a little harder now?
Can you see her waiting there?
Can you see her? Because I'm almost there
Can you see her waiting there for someone like me?
All you want is a beauty queen
Not a superstar but everybody's dream machine
All you want is a place to lay your head
You go to sleep dreaming how you would
Be a different kind if you thought you could
But you come awake the way you are instead
All my friends and lovers shine like the sun
I just turn and walk away
One way or another
I'm not coming undone
I'm just waiting for the day

The End

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