Truth By Bonnie (SpikeheadB@hotmail.com)
Truth (continued from previous page...)
~*~ Playing By The Rules
Isabel waited for everyone to think for a moment before she continued. "I think that this could help us all. Look, I realize that I haven't dealt with all this well, in fact none of us have. So maybe if we learn more and can trust everyone things can be less, forced. Agreed?"
Four out of the five heads nodded in agreement. Only Maria didn't, but she sort of gave a verbal grunt in ascension to Isabel's plan. Shaking her head caused a massive headache for Maria so the grunt was the best she could manage.
"Good, now we need some ground rules. Okay?" Isabel enjoyed taking charge and she wanted to ensure that everyone would feel comfortable enough to tell the truth. "First, why don't we all write two questions that we want everyone to answer, including ourselves? Then we can each write one question for each member of our opposite species." With that, everyone turned to give Isabel a weird look. "What? Look, it's obvious that you three know practically everything about one another and well, same with us. This can be a way for...answers to come to light."
Isabel could see that she know had everyone in the room hooked and willing. Each head had already begun to formulate the questions in their minds. "Oh, and we write down the questions so we don't necessarily know who is asking what and I think we should write down the answers and try and guess who said what. Got it?" And without waiting for a reply, "Good. Liz can you find some paper and pens for us? And Alex and Max, why don't you guys raid the kitchen before we begin?"
Liz left to walk down the hall into Maria's bedroom to grab some notebook paper and pens off of her desk. She was exiting the room when a blue piece of woodwork caught her attention on the nightstand next to her bed. There sat a napkin holder next to her bottle of Cyprus oil. It wasn't the napkin holder itself that held her attention, but the small white piece of paper placed under the "spring activated" arm-- "Handmade by Michael. Thanks". Liz could feel the tears forming in the back of her throat. *Maybe he is just scared and won't run this time. Maria just needs stability. Right, Liz, who are you fooling? Michael could never give her that. Be realistic, Max can't even give you that.* Liz almost reached out to take one of the pink napkins but stopped short. She didn't think that Maria would want her to use any. The way she had placed it by her bed, close to her pillow looked too thoughtful and loving to have been an accident.
"Let's go, Liz! We have snacks!" Alex's chipper voice broke her out of her reverie and she brushed away the tears. Composing herself quickly, Liz walked back into the living room. She resumed her place in front of Maria on the floor and leaned back lightly against Max's legs. Oh yeah, still tingling.
"I have a rule." Max suddenly spoke, trying to get his mind off of Liz's hair brushing against his legs as her back settled into his shins. "I think that everyone should be able to pass one question."
Isabel let out an undignified huff of air in response but quickly changed her mind. "Fine, but only one of the group questions."
Max smiled halfway, and nodded. "Okay, deal."
Liz handed everyone paper and pens and they all began to sink deeper into their thoughts, finding the questions they wanted to ask and finding the questions they wanted answered. These were not necessarily the same questions. When everyone had written their questions down, about thirty minutes later, Isabel divided the questions into piles, group and individual. Everyone agreed that they should ask the group questions first because that way no one would be the first to reveal anything on their own.
"Okay, so who wants to read the questions?" Isabel asked the group. Liz popped her head up, she was now taking an active interest in this game after she realized that this could answer all her questions. Her questions about her and Max, and her questions for her friends. In fact the entire group had a change in atmosphere, the air seemed more charged, as if the very air they breathed waited in anticipation for the answers. But were any of them prepared for the answers?
"I'll read the first one." Closing her eyes, Liz reached across to pick the first question.
"Okay here goes: What was your last really good day?"
Liz felt a blush as her mind automatically thought of kissing Max. Liz looked over and saw that Maria was blushing at the tops of her ears. She only did that when she was horny or embarrassed. Little did Liz know that Maria was both. Horny, from thinking back to her favorite day, and embarrassed because of her horny reaction. *Hmmm, the heatwave, the Crashdown, and oh Michael.* Maria couldn't help but hum a little to herself as she thought of the heatwave. She ducked her head as the giggles came from around the room at her spontaneous outburst. Maria was glad that Michael had removed his hand to write down his answer, and she wished he would put it back. *Geez, talk about confusion!*
"Hey who reads them? Because won't we recognize handwriting?" Maria asked, trying to focus the attention away from her hormonally induced outburst.
"Well, how about we all take turns asking the question and that person reads the answer aloud?" That sounded reasonable enough to everyone, so Liz gathered the answers and started to unfold the papers.
"Here we go: 'I've never had a good day.' My God, that's so sad."
"Yeah," Maria snorted indelicately, and from some hurt, "That would be Mr. Sunshine on my shoulder."
"Yeah, so? What do you care?" Michael snapped because even though he wanted to hear these answers, especially to his questions, he never wanted to share too much. Michael never even let Isabel and Max in all the way.
"Fine, whatever. Pick a fight with the injured. Go on, Liz," Maria waved her hand for Liz to continue, which she did happily. Liz didn't want to give Michael time to respond.
"July 4th." Liz, Maria, and Alex all smiled at the memories of July 4th.
Max picked up on their happiness. "Well, I am gonna guess Alex because he looks like he is keeping a secret about this."
"Right you are, Max. It was a great day." Alex grinned ear to ear.
"Yeah," Liz and Maria both sighed in unison.
"Well?" Isabel prodded, "You have to at least share!"
Alex chuckled to himself before starting, "It's not really that big of a deal. It was just nice being with my two girls. We had a pool party on Liz's balcony."
"Liz doesn't have a pool on her balcony," Max blurted out before he could contain himself.
"Yeah, I know that, but we found one of those baby blow up pools and filled it up. Then we just sat around playing guitar and you know, hanging out. It was nice because it was just the three of us, no one else. I mean I know that these two are my best friends but it just seems like there is always someone else. You know, like parents or Kyle."
"Or us?" Isabel asked with a hint of hurt in her voice.
Alex contemplated that, "Yeah, but with you guys being here it's different. I mean, it almost feels like you are supposed to be here."
Isabel flashed another brilliant smile at Alex and nodded her head to have the final, albeit, non-verbal say on the matter. Things were working well so far for her.
Liz picked up another piece of paper: "Dec. 10th." Liz paused a moment to grab a soda from the coffee table and it wasn't until she had begun taking a sip did she realize that date. Choking on the soda, Max reached down to hug his arms around Liz to help her.
"Are you okay?" He asked with concern, Liz nodded meekly, sending a glance to Michael and Maria sitting on the couch.
*Oh my God. I am her great day? But why? I mean, I thought that she hated me? Of course, she hates you now, you ruined things three days later at the Rave.* Maria's great day was not really a day at all, rather it was that incredible night at the Crashdown, the night Michael got intense.
"Maria," Michael stated simply, but to Maria hearing her name off of his lips took away any pain that she could ever have felt and not just physically. Maria couldn't remember a time when he said her name. She hoped that it wouldn't be the last.
"Yes," was Maria's entire reply. It seemed that no one in the room required an explanation of that particular date. As Liz reached for the next paper, Michael nonchalantly let his hand fall back to its previous place of honor on Maria's smooth leg. He couldn't even hear Liz's voice, only the sound of the blood rushing in his ears.
"Dec 13th."
"Hmm, apparently the heatwave was productive for everyone." Isabel knew that date was Max's because the entire next day he had this ridiculous goofy grin on his face. "But I think that is Max."
"Yes," Max said with a blush on his cheeks, just as Liz said, "No".
Liz turned to look at Max, "I guess that was a really great day for both of us."
"Yeah, I guess so." Max's shy smile sent shivers down her spine. Liz felt lost in his eyes until Alex coughed loudly to get her attention. Now he knew that only Isabel's day was left and he wanted to know as much about her as possible, even if she had hurt his feelings Alex was hooked.
"Okay, Isabel's day is August 22nd. Explanation please."
"Mom and I have our annual back to school shopping and facial day. I look forward to it every year."
Maria was actually starting to feel a little better and she had to admit that at the moment, she didn't feel tired at all. "My turn to ask, okay here it is: 'What is your hidden skill?' Oh, and I don't think that your, you know, *hidden* skills count, real ones." Maria said knowingly. After all, she knew about the *hidden* alien skills. But know she had to admit that she was enjoying finding out about the, well, the people behind the aliens.
"Hmm, first up! Oh, singing."
"Maria! You doof! That 's yours and it doesn't count as a hidden talent anymore." Liz shook her head at Maria.
"Actually, Liz, as I recall, the only one who heard me was Alex, and that doesn't count 'cause he was in the band." Maria looked around the room with her disapproving glare.
"Sorry," Max and Liz both mumbled at once. Remembering that night was still a little touchy for everyone.
"Whatever. Next we have: Really good with babies?" Maria had to admit that she was stumped over this one because she knew it wasn't Alex or Liz and there was no way it could be Michael.
"Max?" Liz asked in question, because she wasn't sure either. "Nope!" Max grinned because he knew whose hidden talent this really was: Isabel. That's right, the ice queen herself melted within fifty feet of a baby under the age of one.
"Isabel?" All three humans asked incredulously.
"Yes, is that so hard to believe? Besides, the question asked for hidden and apparently this is so well hidden that no one would ever believe me!"
"No, Isabel, it is just surprising that's all. But a nice surprise." Alex smiled at Is, he believed it.
"Hmmph, fine." Was her only reply, but she wasn't really mad, it just made her think about how so many people bought into her entire act.
"Well, next secret skill is poetry." Maria continued on without missing beat.
"Liz," Michael spoke with confidence.
"How do you know?" Max was curious about Michael's too quick response. But he only shrugged his shoulders. Liz looked at Michael in a bit of shock, but soon recognition passed her features.
"Yeah, I write poetry sometimes. It helps when sometimes science just can't." Liz would write poetry in her journal, her 'scientific' journal that Michael had previously helped himself to reading.
"Lizzie! I didn't know that." Maria was surprised and shocked that of all people, well not-people, Michael Guerin knew something about her best friend that she did not. As if he could hear the question behind her lips, Michael ran his hand higher up her thigh, stroking delicately along from the top of her cast to just under her shorts. The goose bumps rose on Maria's arm and she leaned back into the couch slightly more. Then he just as quickly removed his hand from her altogether. It was as if Michael knew the exact moment and method of torture for Maria. Remembering herself and the whole reason she was lying there after refusing his help, Maria picked up the next paper. Silently cursing to herself for allowing him to garner that reaction from her after everything that has happened.
"Okay, now that all the girls have been exposed, we are only left with the guys. So now is the time to admit, who is the cook?" Maria tried to keep her tone light, she had been enjoying herself learning about everyone and wanted to keep that same jovial atmosphere.
"I am." All three guys admitted at once and then turned to look at the others. "You cook?"
"Well," laughed Isabel, "now we know who is fixing breakfast as we keep Maria awake!" *This can be good! We are actually finding things that we have in common.*
Michael almost looked amused at the thought that he and Max had a common talent with Alex. It was now his turn to read the next question. "What is your biggest regret?" *Fuck. There is no way in hell that I am answering that one. I'll use my pass but there better not be any more questions like these.*
Michael wrote his down quickly and waited impatiently for everyone else to finish before he gathered the papers. Opening one, "Not telling Mom the truth." He said this as he looked directly at Isabel. He just didn't understand her at all when it came to her parents, especially her mom. Michael had enough trusting these three humans, *Frick and Frack*, but to throw an adult into the mix and it would become all fucked-up.
Maria followed Michael's gaze as it landed on Isabel. Maria understood the silent fight they were holding in their mind's with the other person. Not wanting to allow this to become a spoken argument Maria broke the silence, "Isabel, Isabel wishes she could tell her mom. Michael, why don't you read the next answer."
Liz had felt Max's legs tense as Michael read the first answer. It pained her because she knew Max felt so guilty about not being able to share with his Mom but he was afraid.
"Staying behind the tree too long? What the hell kind of answer is that?" Michael asked.
Liz answered for him, "That's a Max kind of answer. He wishes that he hadn't hid from everything forever." Liz spoke with such knowledge of Max that it amazed everyone. They were so in tune with one another.
"Whatever," Michael didn't want to start another long discussion about this tonight and he wanted to finish with this question as soon as possible. He picked up the next one and sighed, it was his answer. Just one word scrawled across. "This is mine. I pass." Barely dropping his paper, Michael picked up the next one, "Being too afraid to help--". Michael stopped reading and looked at Liz. "Your biggest regret is being to afraid to help me?"
Liz nodded and tears started to fill and blur her vision. "That, that night I didn't mean to have doubts. I'm sorry." Blinking rapidly, the tears ended just as quickly as they started.
Michael reached for the next to last paper, "Talking to Topolsky".
"Oh, Alex." Isabel placed her arm around him, "If it hadn't been for you, then Max would probably be in some government laboratory. We should have told you sooner, then you wouldn't have even been in there." Alex smiled and gazed over at Isabel adoringly. There was no way that he could stay mad at her for long.
"Great, now that your touchy-feely moment is over, can I continue? Good, so Maria's regret is-- 'Making my dad leave my mom'."
"Maria," Liz returned to stroking Maria's hair as she had been earlier, "that was not your fault. Your mom told you that he was just too, too young and irresponsible to be a dad. That wasn't your fault. Oh, please don't cry." Liz got up on her knees and hugged Maria, careful not to hurt her injuries.
After a few minutes, Liz felt Maria pull away, "Okay next question, Isabel your turn." Maria reclined into the couch, after Liz had let go of Maria completely, Maria felt Michael lightly tickling the toes sticking out of her cast. She gave him a brief smile and turned to concentrate on Isabel and the next question.
Isabel smiled to herself because she was reading one of her own questions. Smiling around at the group she could tell you the answers to all of them but one person. And it is because of this one person that she asked the question at all. "Okay, guys and gals, who did you kiss last?"
Everyone wrote their answers down quickly and Isabel began reading through them quickly. They all knew the truth to this question.
"Okay, we have here, hmm, Liz, so that takes care of Max, Max, oh my what a coincidence, that is Liz's, now what is this, Maria? Okay, so there is Michael's, and this next one is what a shock, Michael. Well, Alex that leaves you and me." Isabel was so busy grinning that she didn't notice Alex was not as comfortable or as at ease as he had been previously. "Hmm, I don't think that Alex kissed Mark so that means that the last person Alex kissed was--
MARIA!"
~*~ Michael's question
"What about Maria?" Michael snapped. There was no way that Maria would kiss Alex. She always spoke about, well, she always spoke about him he same way that Michael spoke about Isabel. Suddenly Michael felt the urge to run, screw his promise, he wanted out of there. But he was trapped under Maria's leg and he couldn't have gotten up without hurting her so he sat. Michael sat with every muscle tense and rigid, his jaw line showed his teeth clenching and unclenching. This feeling was so unfamiliar to him. He couldn't recognize why his head was screaming at him on the inside. *Because you're jealous! You are jealous of Alex!. Wait, Maria said that I was the last person she kissed so that means they kissed between December and now.*
"Well, I guess this just goes to show how little we really do know about each other, and our friendships apparently." Isabel was trying to act with Michael's typical nonchalance, but neither one was pulling it off very well.
"It's not what you think." Alex spoke softly. He didn't want Isabel to misunderstand anything, and he was beginning to fear Michael more and more with each click of his jaw.
"Really, that's interesting, because I think that means that you kissed Maria." Michael tried to bite his tongue before the words came out, but he never could control himself well when he was around Maria.
"Well, well but--" Maria started but was cut off by Michael.
"Yeah but I guess you got a little horny and--"
"Okay now that's not necessary," Alex defended his friend, "will you guys just let us finish! It wasn't like a real kiss, it was just a friendly kiss. I swear Michael, it was no big deal." Alex looked at Michael, staring at him unflinchingly despite his fear.
"Why the hell would I care?" Michael threw the words out at Alex, but they stung Maria the most.
Maria suddenly didn't want to sit next to Michael anymore with her leg supported by his body, she didn't want to feel his smooth hands lovingly caress her leg and thigh, tickling lightly at her bruised toes. *He doesn't care. He doesn't care, but then why does he do these, these sweet acts? And why am I always the stupid girl who lets him back in? I was strongest today in my greatest pain. I will not break now.* Maria reset her steely resolve, Michael was not going to affect her now. *Fine you want stone wall, I'll give you stone wall.*
"Friendly kiss?" Isabel tried not to sound so hopeful but she couldn't keep the slight tremor out of her voice.
"Yes friendly, like if you kissed Michael." Alex pointed to the stiff body on the couch. Isabel seemed to relate to Alex's simile, "Like a friendly kiss*, she repeated in her head. Isabel took a bold step next and place her hand over Alex's, which he had placed restlessly on his knee. Alex stopped fidgeting his seat, not wanting to move because he wanted to remember the feeling of Isabel touching him forever.
Liz knew that when Alex's answer was Maria that, of course it was just a friendly kiss. Come on, Alex, Liz, and Maria had been friends since the fifth grade. In fact Liz and Maria practiced kissing on Alex until they realized that it was too creepy to be kissing their 'brother'. Isabel seemed to understand this relationship but Michael had turned to stone on the couch, studying a spot on the floor for the past five minutes. Liz was concerned about Maria. "Maria, I'll help you up."
"Thanks, Lizzie." Maria smiled with relief. Leave it to Liz to pick up on her tension. Maria had to get out of that room for at least a little while. "Help me to the restroom please." The one room where she could be safe from intrusion.
Liz placed Maria's good arm over her shoulder, as Maria swung her leg slowly off of Michael's lap. Max offered to help but Liz said she was alright. Max understood that the two of them needed to talk.
As soon as Liz and Maria left the room, Isabel pounced verbally on him. "What is wrong with you? No wonder Maria wouldn't let you--"
"Shut up, Isabel!"
"Michael, what wouldn't Maria let you do?" Max sensed the intensity behind the words Isabel spoke and their obvious effect on Michael.
"Maxwell, it's nothing."
"Michael, it is obviously not nothing."
"Actually, Max, it was nothing. Nothing done, that's the whole point." Alex realized that he didn't belong in this conversation and left, mumbling some stupid excuse.
"Michael, what was nothing?" Max continued to press gently.
"Michael, tell him." Isabel urged.
"NO! The only reason you know is because you connected."
"Michael, please. It'll help if you talk to us."
"Fine, Max, you wanna know? I'll tell you. After Kyle and Rick left, I told Maria that I would help, that I wanted to help but she wouldn't let me. Okay! She refused my help! She would rather pass out in pain than have me touch her again, than to have my help!"
Maria and Liz had come out of the bathroom and had heard the tail end of the conversation.
"Why should I let you?" Michael jumped at the sound of her voice. Max ran over to help Liz move Maria back to the couch. "You're the one who makes all the rules! This, this whatever we have, is all according to you! To your rules, to when you decide to acknowledge me or not. And you know what, I can't take it anymore! So I'm going to follow your rules this time, you can't get attached, you can't get indebted, so fine, I won't let you."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Now I'm going to take another cue from you and leave you with your questions unanswered. You be the confused one for once."
"For once!" Michael spat, "Try all the time. You confuse the hell out of me!" Digging through the pile of questions Isabel had set aside, Michael found the one with 'Maria' written on it in his own handwriting. He thrust the paper into her hand. "Here! Now you can answer my question now instead of later. You agreed to play this dumb game so here."
Maria held the paper in her one good hand as if it would spontaneously combust at any moment. Finally she carefully unfolded the paper. The question jumped out off of the page. "Why wouldn't you let me help you?" Maria read aloud, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Because, because I can't have you keep doing these sweet and seemingly caring acts and then...then WHAM! hit me like a mack truck on your way out again. You want to be a stone wall, so fine. You be a stone wall, but you can't keep doing this to me." Maria's chin wavered as the tears filled her vision. "Your words and your actions are in constant contradiction and I don't know which to believe so I choose neither." Maria paused to collect her thoughts. "No, that's not right either, I do choose. I choose your words. You have made your opinion known and I hear it perfectly clear. So, there you have it," Maria now spoke dejectedly, "you have what you want."
Maria sat still waiting for his response, but none came. She wasn't surprised, he never responded, at least not like this. Maria wiped her hot tears away from her face and saw that Alex was standing in the kitchen doorway. She waved him over and he quickly crossed to her on the couch.
"What do you need?" Alex spoke softly. The room was so quiet, and he felt that anything over a whisper would be an intrusion. Maria leaned over and spoke in a whisper to Alex. He looked at her with a question in his eyes. But she simply nodded and Alex motioned to Max to help him. Together they picked up Maria.
"I'll fix her some dinner in the kitchen." Alex spoke to Max only, and the two boys carried her towards the kitchen.
"There's a reason that what I say and what I do are conflicted." Michael's words were thrown out into the room, he hoped that they reached Maria before she could leave the room, leave him.
"I knew it." Maria answered to his voice, Alex and Max lowered her to a supported standing position. Maria stood still for a moment, "You always do that."
"Do what?"
"You only say what you are thinking, feeling when I am walking away. Maybe that's something you should figure out, because you know what, Michael, one of these days I'm not going to stop to listen and I will just keep going. So you need to get that straight in you head first."
"I know why," the words were so soft, so broken that everyone almost missed them.
"Why, Michael?" Isabel asked gently with caring in her voice.
Michael closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, a breath forced out between the space. He shook his head before continuing. "Because the first time I ever let anyone walk away, I never stopped them, and I've been paying for that mistake ever since."
"I'm sorry we left you, Michael." Max's voice cracked. Max and Isabel had left Michael in the desert and now they had the family and Michael had nothing.
"I know you are." Michael looked from Max to Isabel and Max released Maria's arm to hug Michael as Isabel took a death grip on the two.
Alex had his arm around Maria and he heard her softly, "Once again it's all about the three of them." Her pain broke his heart.
"C'mon, Maria, let's feed you."
"Okay," Liz stood to go with them and leave the three aliens alone.
"No, wait." Michael saw the other three leaving the room.
"Hmm, as I leave. Interesting." Maria didn't even to bother to keep the hurt out of her voice this time.
"I know, but Izzy was right earlier. I, we can't keep you guys out. So maybe we could, I dunno, finish this."
Alex and Liz looked behind Maria's head to each other. The two of them did want to continue but they would let Maria decide. She had been through enough today, a fall from fifty feet would be enough to unravel most people.
"Fine, but complete honesty. Okay? If you can be honest with yourself then maybe we can all be honest with each other."
Michael nodded then quickly crossed the distance to Maria. He swiftly and smoothly lifted her into his arms and placed her back on the couch. Maria looked surprised, but composed herself. "You can still sit on the couch and I need to elevate my leg, so you might as well make yourself useful."
Michael settled himself by Maria as everyone settled into his or her previous positions around the room. Max pretended to reach for something on the floor and brushed his lips past Liz's ear whispering, "I'll be truthful with myself." Liz's spine tingled and the hair raised on the back of her neck. A small, secretive smile played out on her soft lips.
Alex picked up the next question and read it to the group.
*Greatest fear? Oh God, I can't share that, not after what Michael said.* Maria thought she couldn't share that. Despite her insistence on total sharing and honesty, she used her pass on this question.
Alex read the answers, they had resumed their game just as before.
"Okay, greatest fear #1: Not being able to protect everyone."
"Max," Isabel and Liz both knew that Max felt an overwhelming need and pressure to protect those around him. That was part of his whole "step back" crap with Liz.
Alex cleared his throat and continued with the next answer. He kind of hoped to spare Max some embarrassment, but Liz stopped him short.
"Max, you can't put all this pressure on yourself all of the time. I know you think that you have to look out for us, especially Michael and Isabel but, but you have to have some faith in people around you. Have some faith in your friends."
"It's hard. I don't want anything to happen to you or to Michael and Isabel. Because we are alone in this, I have to look out for them."
"Max, you need to trust us."
"I know Izzy, but--"
"Look, Max, I know I do a lot of dumb things but you can't place that all on yourself. We watch out for each other, not just you for us."
"I know."
"Do you?" Michael asked again.
"I'll work on it."
"Okay, now, that we have that settled, hmm... losing my friends."
"That's you, Alex." Isabel spoke directly to him, she knew instinctively that losing his friends was Alex's greatest fear. And it was one that almost came true because of her, well, her, Max, and Michael.
"Alex," Maria spoke plainly, "that will never happen, so that greatest fear, put it to rest." Alex almost had to laugh at how determined and sure Maria sounded, and it did help him.
"Next up is pass."
"Oh, umm, mine. You can read the next one." Maria slurred her words, she spoke so quickly.
"What happened to complete honesty?" Michael's tone regained some of its usual snappishness.
"Everyone's allowed a pass, Michael." Max spoke up, he could sense Maria's reluctance.
"This is ridiculous." Michael started.
"Why, Michael, you passed on your biggest regret." Maria didn't like this.
"No I didn't. I shared it, with you and with everyone. Staying behind: my biggest regret."
"Fine, but not now. Not in front of everyone. For everyone else I take a pass but for you later."
Her words and her trust, her trusting him only, touched Michael. He was concentrating wholly on Maria and almost missed when Alex read his answer, "Never going home."
"Michael," Max, Isabel, Liz, and Alex in unison.
"Well, that was easy, so we have Liz and Isabel next, so who is afraid of losing their family?"
"I am, I'm afraid of losing Max and Michael, and of losing my mom and dad. That's part of the reason I wanted to do this, to trust you guys more, so maybe more people will be looking out for us. And maybe one day I'll know how to tell mom and dad."
"I'll always look out for you."
"Thank you, Alex."
"You're welcome." Alex waited a bit and then read Liz's, "Never feeling complete again."
Max lowered his head until he was eye to eye with Liz. "You will, I promise you that, too."
*Ooh, those chills again.* Liz was too stunned to question Max now. Besides, she trusted him, and knew that he would keep these promises, whatever they meant.
"I'll read the next one." Max wanted another excuse to brush against Liz. His strong arm moved slowly down her side to the pile of questions and just as slowly, agonizingly pulled it back. Liz and Max both needed a second to pull themselves together. Maria laughed as she saw their deep breaths. Max blushed and hurriedly read the paper. He almost choked when he saw, "Who do you have a crush on?". Liz's red face matched his.
"Oh, this will be fun." Isabel laughed writing on her paper.
Max read his own first. "Liz".
Liz smiled, "Good, because mine reads Max."
"Great," Isabel reacted in her usual sarcastic fashion, "can we keep this moving along please?"
"Fine, then I'm assuming that this one with Ricky Martin is yours and I'm also pretty sure that Michael will claim the 'I don't get crushes' as his own? So let's see, Alex has a crush on...," Alex lowered his head and blushed furiously, "Isabel."
"Oooh, Alex," Maria groaned.
"Shut up, Maria! I think it's sweet." *He has a crush on me, well, of course he does. I knew that! But he admitted to me and everyone.*
Max looked at Alex with approval. *Alex can be good for Isabel. He's a good guy. She was right, we can trust him.* "So, Maria," Max laughed when he saw her list because, yes Maria had written a list, a long list of guys, "Okay, Jeff, Mark, Jason, Eric, Dan, Anthony, Matt, Michael, Tim, Jack."
Michael's head whipped around to stare at Maria when he heard his name on her list.
"What? A girl has to have some fun. Right? Liz, isn't it your turn to read a question?"
"Sure, Maria. Here we are, 'What would you change about yourself?'"
A few minutes later Liz had the answers and was ready to begin reading.
"Well, I know that this first one is Max because he would try to be less controlling."
"Never gonna happen, Maxwell." Michael smirked.
So, only Isabel would change nothing because and I quote 'what is there to change', and I think everyone can understand her position, so let's see. Alex, I'm guessing would want to be much cooler."
"I think you're pretty cool, Alex." Maria smiled at her friend.
"Me too." Isabel agreed.
"Be less like my mom." Liz read.
"Maria, I like your mom. She's kooky." Alex tried to assure Maria but his choice of words backfired.
"You think I'm 'kooky'? Oh, great. Okay, I am definitely going to have to work on this."
"Sure, Maria" Liz laughed because Maria was kooky, it was part of her charm. "I'll admit that mine is try to live life without the plan but I'll also admit that I have as much a chance of succeeding as Max will at being less controlling." Max smiled and placed his hand on Liz's shoulder. Liz leaned her cheek against his hand until Maria poked her with her uninjured arm. She wanted to hear Michael's answer.
"Oh yeah. So, Michael," Liz stopped when she read to herself what Michael would change, Maria would not like this.
"I wrote that I would never let the wall down."
"Oh," Maria's voice sounded small and delicate.
"But I can't change it."
"What?" Maria didn't understand.
"It would be easier if I could, if I didn't have to worry. But I can't say exactly what is going to happen, all I can say is that maybe it's too late to be a complete stone wall."
"Oh," Maria replied again. She didn't know exactly what he meant, but before she could ask Michael grabbed another question. He wanted to change the subject from her questions turning in her head.
"Um, question. Oh nice question somebody. 'Are you a virgin and if no, must tell details.'" Michael shook his head, *This will at least be a safe question.* Michael was sure that he would be reading six yes's. He was close but off by one. "Well, this is interesting. Someone here's had sex."
~*~ Someone's Had Sex!
"Very funny, Michael." Max assumed that Michael had to be joking.
"Okay, I'll do the next question." Isabel went to grab another sheet of paper.
"I'm not joking, someone here's had sex." All eyes turned towards Liz.
"I did not have sex with Kyle. Not even close." Max breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know if he could have handled knowing that Liz had sex with Kyle. He liked to pretend that they didn't even kiss. He knew that was ridiculous, but it made him feel better. Max also knew that Michael did the same thing, he knew Maria had kissed other guys, and even though Michael claimed he was no longer interested, jealousy was another human urge that they shared. Admittedly Michael hid it better than Max ever could.
Isabel eyed Alex suspiciously and he glanced at her. He did a double take at her 'evil eye'. "Oh yeah, okay. I'm a regular babe magnet. Please." Alex was flattered by her suspicion, even though it had absolutely no basis in truth.
"But that means that--" Liz's brain slowed to a halt at her realization, it took her a moment to comprehend who exactly had sex. "Oh my God! Maria! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Michael, how could you!" Isabel accused Michael. Her face red with anger. *That is going too far!*
"How could I what! I didn't do anything!"
"Oh right, Who else would Maria have had sex with?" *God, first he has sex with her and now he is still trying to lie about it!*
"It wasn't Michael." These were the first three words that Maria had spoken to the group since Michael asked the question.
"Maria who did you have sex with?" Liz was in utter shock. *Maria had sex! I can't believe that she didn't tell me.*
Alex was concerned for her and she apparently hadn't told Liz about this little secret of hers either. "When, Maria? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Max had been watching Michael's reaction to all this. He had a death grip on the papers and his knuckles were turning white. One of the papers was tinged with red where Michael's blood was drawn from his hands gripping the papers.
"Maria, you don't have to tell us." Max did not like the look of this situation, any details given and Michael's head may explode.
"Oh yes, she does. Maria said it herself, complete truth." Isabel was not going to let her get away without sharing this one.
"Is, maybe this isn't such a good idea." Max eyed towards Michael, trying to get Isabel to understand. But Alex agreed with Isabel, he wanted to know exactly what was going on with Maria. She had just promised him no more secrets and he wasn't going to let her out of this one without the truth. No more half ass explanations of cramps.
"Maria", Liz spoke gently, "what happened? Why wouldn't you have told me or Alex?"
"Because." Maria's entire response to her friends pleas.
"Because why?"
"Because I'm embarrassed, alright! It's not exactly a touching or romantic love story."
"What happened?" Liz didn't understand, Maria never kept secrets from her.
"I don't want to tell you."
"Maria, if you tell us then maybe you will feel better." Liz knew Maria better than anyone else did and something about her words and her attitude seemed off to her. *This is more than embarrassment. Maria is hiding something.*
"Who said I felt bad." Maria's voice had taken on a hard quality that she almost never used.
"Maria," Liz sighed her friend's name.
Maria sighed back at Liz and looked around the room. All five pairs of eyes met her gaze but only four of the five looked at her with concern. The fifth gaze, Michael's gaze, was indescribable to her, anger, jealousy, sadness, and something else all mixed in his expressive gaze. Anyone that didn't know him, know her, would have said that he was glaring at her, but Maria knew it was more. She almost thought that she detected some concern. Maria broke away from his gaze, if she were going to tell them then she couldn't look at any of those eyes watching her.
Taking a deep breath, Maria launched into her story: "Last year when you guys were out of town on spring break, remember Lizzie, you went to see Grandma Claudia and Alex, you went with your family to San Francisco, and I stayed here. It was the last Friday of the week and I had, well, my spring break was basically one long workweek, between the Crashdown and my mom's shop I was actually looking forward to going back to school. But that Friday a couple of juniors from school came in, because of the break the Crashdown wasn't really crowded. We were talking and I was flirting with one of them. He seemed really nice and so when they invited me to a party I said yes. I mean, to be honest, I was really missing you two and my mom was driving me crazy. So I, I just really wanted get out that night, you know kick back and have some fun. Fun, huh. God, I wished I had chosen boring that night."
"Anyway, since you know I was only fifteen I couldn't drive, but they said that they would pick me up. I, uh, I lied to my mom and told her that I was spending the night at a friend's so I wouldn't have to worry about her wanting to meet them or about my curfew. I didn't want to seem like, well, like a freshman. I mean here I was hanging out with juniors who were seventeen. I had worn a cute tank top that day so I didn't have to go home and I just borrowed a skirt from you. You know, Lizzie, the short, black one with the slit up the side that I got you for your birthday? And some black boots. I just, I just didn't think."
Maria eyes were glazed as if she were physically remembering the night. Even if the other five spoke to her, she probably wouldn't have heard them anyway.
"I suspected that when they picked me up that they had all been drinking but, what could I say? I wanted to go to the party. I just wanted to go, so I got in the car with them. It was the three of them and me. The party was huge, it was mostly kids from East Roswell High but we weren't the only ones from West. He...he went to get me a drink and I knew, I knew that it had alcohol in it, but I didn't want to seem like a baby so I drank it. Ugh, it tasted like, God I don't even know, but it burned my throat on the way down. After three or four you can't really taste or feel anything anymore. I was so tired and every time I closed my eyes the room would start to spin and I would get all dizzy. I wanted to go home. I was afraid to call my mom. I wanted to go home and I told him that. But no one could drive. And you guys were gone and I, I knew I shouldn't have trusted him but I couldn't think clearly, and every time I tried to get the words out, they just wouldn't come, not the way I wanted, needed them to. He said that, um, that if I laid down in one of the back bedrooms that I would feel a lot better. He said not to worry, he knew exactly what I wanted."
"Um, I remember him leading me back into the room and I remember the feeling of the soft blanket on the bed. The light was so bright and it made my eyes hurt. He turned the light off and I remember him standing in the doorway. The room was dark but I could see him in the doorway because of the light from the hall behind him."
Maria paused, her voice was shaking and her attention was focused on her hands. She kept picking at her cuticles. After a full minute of silence she continued.
"I guess I must have passed out because, uh, because after that I remember the feeling of something heavy over me. He was on me and, and I, well he had taken my shirt off. I was so tired and my head was fuzzy. I couldn't move. I wanted to get up. I wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn't come."
Maria had stopped picking at her hands and she now sat still in her seat, her leg resting on Michael. Everyone watched her intensely but her eyes never met anyone's in the room.
"It hurt. It hurt a lot. It felt like this horrible burning and I was being ripped apart from the inside out. I couldn't stop the pain until he was done. Once he was, he told me to get dressed, he was finished with me."
"Maria, he raped you." Liz sat there, astonished at her friend's story and at the fact that she had kept it a secret for almost a year.
"No, Liz, I went there and, and I--"
"No, Maria," Isabel spoke sharply but with authority, "It was not your fault. What he did was wrong. You were date-raped, Maria."
"But, but I never said no."
"Maria he got you drunk and waited until you had passed out." Max's tone was much softer than Isabel's but no less urgent.
"It's not your fault, Maria." Alex stood up and knelt in front of Maria, taking her hands in his own. "It's not your fault."
While the other four were trying to calm Maria and assuage her guilt about the slime ball that date-raped her, Michael slipped out from under her cast. Maria looked up to see Michael's back leaving the room. Everyone in the room jumped at the sound of a door slamming. For the first time since telling her friends, a hot tear slid down her face.
*He thinks I'm a slut.* Her mind chastised her for telling everyone. *See, it was your fault and now everyone is going to abandon you. You should have never said anything. This is all your fault.*
Through the tears Maria couldn't see Michael walk back into the living room, clutching a book. Alex still held Maria's hands as Liz stroked her hair. Michael walked behind the side of the couch Maria sat on. He gently lifted her back and slid down between the back of the couch and her until he was supporting her back against his chest. Liz continued to stroke her hair and brush the tears away from her face. Michael was so tense and furious that she could feel his muscled shaking. He never said a word while she cried. It was only after the tears stopped and Alex sat back down did he speak.
"Here." He pushed the book he had found onto her lap.
"My, my yearbook?" Maria was utterly confused.
"Show me who it was." Michael could barely control his voice, the pure tension of the situation seemed to vibrate off of him.
"Why?" Maria asked, even though she could probably have guessed the answer.
"You said he was a junior, so he still goes to West. This is last year's yearbook. Show me who." Michael opened the book to the junior section and began slowly flipping through he pages until Maria's finger stopped on a picture, Aaron Shane. Aaron was an offensive tackle for the football team and an amateur body-builder. He was over 6'0" and weighed at least a hundred pounds more than Maria. *Fucking bastard. I will tear him limb to limb. Son of a bitch!* Michael growled at his own vicious thoughts and Maria whimpered at the sound.
"It's all my fault." She whispered to herself.
"No, Maria." Liz's heart broke at her best friend's so misplaced guilt. Everyone in this room but Maria was ready to kill Aaron, and Maria had harbored this guilt alone for an entire year.
"It isn't. He is a fucking-- argh!" Michael was frustrated because he didn't know the words to help her. So instead he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her broken body to his, using his own presence to sooth her.
"Thank you," Maria turned her head and whispered the words into Michael's biceps. Slowly turning back to face the others Maria inhaled a shaky breath. "So, Isabel, why don't you read the next one?"
"Are you sure?"
"Well, I don't know how many more secrets anyone has now." Maria tried to smile but it wavered. "Why don't we find out?"