Disclaimer: Roswell, the characters, and the situations are owned by the WB. No infringement is intended.

He had been in this state before, it had been nothing new.

Confusion.

What was there to be confused about? He had asked himself. Life? Where he was headed? Home?

Maria.

He listened intently at the song playing on his stereo, he closed his eyes briefly, breathing in every word of it. Living the melody.

I can't take this anymore
and I'm almost pretty sure
I've been here before
I can't take this any longer
I won't heal until I’m stronger

This. was. his. life.

He remembered the look on her face when they had their discussion of visions. When they had told each other ingeminately that they had faked those images.

The excuse.

He saw her flinch when he told her about the red sneakers, and even wince when he told her it was a lie. He knew it wasn't a fake, he saw it clearly in his mind. Maria as a child, reaching over clumsily to tie the little blue shoe strings that remained untied after she had thrown them on to chase after her father's departing car.

It wasn't that he had just seen what Maria had saw, he felt what she had felt at that moment. Sheer pain.

Disappointment.

strong enough to not be afraid
of what anybody thinks
of what anybody says
about the way
about the way I am
so I'll wait until the day
when those feelings fade away
then I'll make my break

He hadn't been angry at her for her confession of faking it. He didn't know her motive, but never was he angry. He wanted something to hold onto, something to give him a reason to be the way he was.

A screw up.

Maria had conveniently been there, she was his excuse, his motive, and soon, she became his everything. She became his solace, his strength, the one he went to when he wanted to break.

everbody and everything I’ve known
never taught me how to stand up on my own
had to learn it from the one who let me go
now I walk alone, yeah I walk alone, yeah
living blissfully

She had taught him many things in the midst of his life. He became inspired to find his past, but along the way he learned one reason to stay, the one reason that mattered. The thought of Maria wanting him made sheer pleasure surge through him.

He had opened the door to find her standing there, looking doubtful, yet the fire still lit in her eyes. She was determined to talk to him. Little did she understand that he was willing. When she sat on the couch and hesitantly compiled her reasons, he listened. He felt a small flutter when she said she wanted to be closer.

No, she wanted them to be closer.

I guess you had to step away
to make me want to be
a bigger man, a bigger man than that
I need you by my side
as I take it all in stride
I put away,I put away my pride
oh I leave it up to you
yeah I leave it in your hands
respect your wishes and your demands
but if it was up to me
honey we’d already be back at home and living out….

He told her then what he saw, and she opened up. No, that wasn't true. She had never closed herself completely, just closed down enough to where the pain wasn't visible.

She told him then, about her father and her dog, and he thanked her. He had pulled her close and rested a kiss on her forhead and they sat in silence, comfortable silence.

everybody and everything I’ve known
never taught me how to stand up on my own
had to learn it from the one who let me go
now I walk alone
yeah I walk alone, yeah
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk, oh yeah

It was the one thing he had hoped for, to be the consoler and not the consolee. He remembered the one thing Maria said before she departed that night. Out of all that silence one thing was said, one thing that burned into his mind.

'I don't need to be wanted Michael, I want to be needed.' and with that, there was nothing more of Maria left in that room except her scent.

Michael felt somewhat serene as the song ended. No, the song wasn't the story of his life. He would never walk alone again.

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