Note/Disclaimer/Kara's Dissertation:

This fic was based on a challege from the Roswellian Ramble Space Message Board Jetamours that stated that this fic must include:
1. Must be M/L, M/M, A/I. Preferably all, but can just be one or two 2. Obviously, some kind of trip to Egypt
3. M&Ms must be involved in some way
4. Somebody gets locked/lost in a pyramid
5. Must include the line, "It's so nice to leave Destiny behind."
6. Must be a cameo of Emily and Kara somewhere
7. Must have the line, "The dove too." by someone other than Michael and Maria.

So here's my answer to that, dedicated to all the wonky Egyptians who live on the conventional side of the Nile, and as always, to Em, because there isn't anyone quite like my nv pc radish sister. :)

And so it begins...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael looked around at the dry, hot sand, wondering where the hell he was. This wasn't Maria's usual beach fantasy. Yeah, there were her wonky branched palm trees that only Hurricane DeLuca could dream up, but where was the water? In the distance, he could see a muddy river crawling across the delta, and was that a pyramid on the horizon?

"Michael! What are you doing here?" To the spiky-haired boy's surprise, Max came riding up on a purple camel. Yup, this was definitely Maria's dream.

She was going through a weird purple phase now, and had even tried to paint his toenails last weekend before they made out during their Saturday night movie at his place.

"What are you doing here, Maxwell? This is Maria's dream." He eyed his best friend suspiciously. "You pervert!"

"What? Michael, you're not making any sense." But Michael could see the tips of Max's ears burning, a sure sign that something was going on in Max's all too thoughtful geek brain.

"Oh god, are you guys stuck here too?" And then Izzy walked out of the shadow of a palm tree, Alex trailing at her heels like a puppy. She gave the landscape a disdainful look. "And what's with the palm trees?"

"There's nothing wrong with them. I like them. They're kinda cool." Michael shot his sister the look of Death. No one could tear apart Maria's trees but him.

"Chill, Michael." She gave him her Princess look. "It's not like I'm insulting you're girlfriend." And she rolled her eyes in the eloquent way that only Isabel Diane Evans could. "So why are we all here?"

"And where's Parker and DeLuca? This is Maria's dream, right?" Alex piped up from behind Isabel. Just then, a light rain began to fall. "Great, now we're gonna get wet too..."

But the rain didn't fall as softly on Michael's head. It hit him in hard little clumps, almost as if it were... "M&Ms?" Isabel choked down a laugh.

"Michael, I think Maria's been inhaling too much cedar lately..."

Michael fought to suppress his smirk. What was wrong with M&Ms? They were the perfect candy-wrapped chocolate goodness, and they flew through the air so neatly...

"Hey, look! Maybe they're in that pyramid or something." Max pointed to the horizon, where an ancient sandstone pyramid loomed.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Alex muttered. "I dunno. I've got a bad feeling about that pyramid."

Michael rolled his eyes. Alex the Cautious, as usual. More like Alex the Coward. But he really shouldn't say that, because the scrawny chessboy had been an incredible help to them. Okay, so Alex was no Han Solo, but he was still an asset to their little team or hexagon or whatever it was. And something about Whitman was softening up Izzy's glacial exterior…

"If Liz and Maria are in danger, then we have to rescue them," Max insisted, his eyes never leaving the stone pyramid in the distance. "Iz, do you think people can be in danger in their dreams?"

"It's not like it's rocket science, Max. It is someone's subconscious." But the blonde looked perplexed. "If Maria thinks she's in danger, then her subconscious might be able to convince her physical body that it can't wake up until she's saved." She shot a look at Michael. "Which is almost something I'd expect from-"

"So we're agreed then? Since Liz and Maria are missing, we'll go see if there are any clues in the pyramid?" Max looked at each of them in turn, still managing to look dignified, in spite of the fact that he sat on top of a purple camel. Just then, the camel gave a loud wheezing sigh, and a pained expression washed over the golden-eyed boy's face.

Michael snickered. "At least we're upwind of that ugly thing."

Somehow, Max managed to produce a camel for each of them. Michael took one look at the blue camel with green freckles and tried not to sigh or roll his eyes. Isabel wasn't as successful when she approached her black camel.

She peered at it, trying to find its eyes, being very careful to stay away from its mouth. "What, is this like some Men in Black camel or something?"

"CiB," Alex grinned. "Watch out, it might spit black too."

A queer look came over Isabel's face. "It spits rainbow." She took a step back, wiping her hands on her black leather pants. "There is no way in hell I'm riding that camel."

"C'mon, Iz, it matches your outfit. What are you complaining about?" Michael had somehow managed to haul his ass on top of the polka-dotted camel, wondering what his cheesehead really had been smelling lately. Her mom had gotten in some odd Egyptian Musk incense at the shop last week…

"At least your camel doesn't have the green measles." He kicked the measly beast, hoping it couldn't spit backwards.

Alex nudged his patchwork camel over to where Isabel stood. "If you want, I think you could fit behind me, Isabel. If you don't like the color, you could always change it." And he gave her a shy smile.

Michael didn't know how Alex managed it, but for some reason, that softened his sister's face. And with a combination of powers, Alex's wiry strength, and sheer willpower, Isabel found herself perched between the patchwork camel's hump and Alex's warm back. Michael watched Isabel snuggle up to the gangly boy and couldn't help smiling. He wondered who she thought she was fooling.

"So what do we do now?" Michael tried to point his camel's head in the direction of the pyramid.

"That's easy," Alex said, humming an almost familiar tune. He looked way too comfortable on top of the camel, as if he'd been a camel jockey all his life. The blue-eyed boy grinned. "Walk like an Egyptian."

It was time to have a long talk with Maria…

After about the worst ten minutes of Michael's life, when he discovered one of the many reasons why one didn't wear boxers while riding a camel as well as defined the true meaning of the word 'seasick', they came upon a wide, muddy river. Up and down along the riverbanks were castles and cottages of every shape and size, built of both the local beige stone, as well as the standard gray European variety.

"So this is like what, La Rive Droit and La Rive Gauche?" Alex looked from one bank to the other, noticing that on the right bank, there were what seemed to be four times as many castles dotting the gentle shoreline. The left had several castles perched high up on the edge of the cliffs, the bank looking much less accessible. "I wonder who lives here…"

And from the nearest castle, they all heard a shriek as two young women came flying out of a door onto the ramparts that ran behind the battlements. "My camel!" the smaller, dark-haired one shouted, pointing at Max's camel. "Mine! M-I-N-E, mine!"

Then, the taller red head grabbed the dark-haired one, whispering in her ear. The smaller one beamed. "Of course, Teflon Babe." She waved at them from the battlements. "Never mind, you can keep the camel! You need it anyway so that you can find-"

And the red head clapped her hand over the dark-haired one's mouth. "Don't listen to her, she's just a pixie chick, even if she is Brain Palpatine. Just remember the door, and don't forget that we dove you!"

"Nice undies, Michael! We prefer you in boxers though!" the dark-haired one shouted, before the door shut. And the two disappeared as fast as they'd appeared, snickering about someone named Pinky and a closet.

Alex scratched his head. "I wonder if Maria was obsessing over my Wonderland dreams again…"

This time it was Isabel's turn to snicker. "Were those the ones where Max and Liz were White Rabbits and they did it like-"

"So, the door, huh?" Alex turned slightly pink. "We have to find some door in the pyramid?"

Michael shrugged. "I'm still trying to figure out this door nonsense. Did they want a dove? Do we need to give a dove to someone in the pyramid?" Only Maria…only his cheesehead could come up with something like this… For a moment, he wondered exactly what Amy DeLuca had been doing while she was pregnant…

So they resumed their journey, past the tower with a sign that proudly proclaimed that it was Non-Vermont, past castles that lined the banks of the Nile (Michael counted-it looked like there were upwards of a hundred, each with Camels and pastel-colored ponies staked in the front yards), past the branched palm trees, past the highway sign that said 285 North. And as they rode, people would peer out the castle windows at them, each with a look of hope in their eyes. Was there that little to live for in Egypt? What were these Egyptians that afraid of? Michael snorted. Like he was some sort of a superhero or something, to save all the Egyptians from some horrible Destiny…

"Have you noticed? They're all looking at us like we're the answer to something.”

Max didn't say a word as he rode along beside Michael. "I don't know," he said finally. "For once, I don't know. I'm not a hero. I'm not their leader. I'm just a sixteen year old who wants to find his girlfriend."

Michael cracked half a smile. "Gandhi feeling frustrated?"

It worked, because Max smiled slightly. "In more ways than one."

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they reached the base of the pyramid. But as hard as they looked, they couldn't find a door.

"It's seamless. Nothing." Michael pounded the wall in frustration. "Nothing! Dammit!"

Isabel ran her fingers over the huge blocks of stone. "It's like the Fortress of Solitude or something. No way in, no way out." She looked at her brother, and then at Michael. "Unless we feel like being Superman."

Michael looked at Max, as he always did, looking for the answer from the better alien, from the better man. Max would know what to do. He always did. Because that was the way it was. Max was the leader, Isabel was the mother, and Michael was the explosive firepower. Healer, psychologist, and pure energy. Their wonky little triad. Well, being the Holy Ghost couldn't be too bad after all…not that Isabel was all that Christlike…

"Those two-they said we need to find the door. So there's got to be a door here somewhere. Michael, do you have anything of Maria's?"

Michael fished around in his pockets before he pulled out a bit of blue satin cloth in triumph. Then, blushing, he realized what it was, and shoved it back in his pocket.

Isabel groaned. "Please, don't tell me. Spare me the details, because I really, really don't need to know."

He blushed. "So, umm, yeah." He opened his mouth, trying to explain, blinking stupidly as Max and Alex tried not to laugh.

"Just…concentrate on Maria. Maybe you can get a flash of where she is. Just like you did at Atherton's." Max's soft voice was pleading, almost desperate.

With a shrug, Michael put his hand over the cloth in his pocket and thought about Maria-something he did nonstop anyway. His mind filled immediately with a whirlwind of images of blond hair and green eyes, of M&Ms and the Eraser Room, of his lumpy brown couch, and of that grove of trees back at Roswell Elementary. And when he touched the wind-weathered stone of the pyramid, it was as if he was…

"Michael!" Her voice was a dim echo in his brain. "Michael, we're stuck! You need to get us out! Hurry, or else I'll…I'll nag you to death, spaceboy!" And all around him, he could see corridors weaving in and out of the pyramid, the great cartouche of some forgotten Egyptian pharaoh with five stars in a v-shaped formation outlined above his head.

"I got it!" He pried his fingers in the stone wall, cursing at how his large fingers couldn't find the right chinks. Maria's hands were small. She could've easily broken down this stone wall… "Alex, you've got girly hands. Why don't you try? Ouch, Izzy!" He rubbed his shoulder from where a coconut had suddenly decided to make contact with his body. He glared at the blonde still on top of the camel.

Alex slid off the camel and poked and prodded at the wall with his flexible fingers. "Nothing. Isabel?" The blonde rolled her eyes and sighed, but complied.

"Nothing."

Michael kicked the wall again. "There's got to be a way in? What the hell is this all aboot?"

"What did you say?" Isabel gave him an odd look.

"About?"

"Eh?"

He glared at her. "Watch it, Iz. I'll have Maria kick your ass." But from the satisfied little smirk on her face, somehow Michael didn't think that threat scared her too much.

Alex ran his hands over the wall. "Mellon," he said. "Open sesame?" Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he paced for a few steps, deep in thought. "Beam me up, Scotty."

And in the back of his mind, Michael could hear an increasingly loud humming sound. "I think you've got the right idea, Whitman. When you talk, it makes this…this noise…"

With a slight smile on his face, Alex began to sing softly, in a surprisingly good baritone. "So let me in. All that I've wanted from you is something you'd never do, so let me in. Oh, please tonight, don't let this end. Tonight, I'll fall-" And with a soft click, a six foot by six foot swath of wall began to slide inward…

"You did it!" Max clapped Alex on the back. He cupped his hands, forming a small glowing light. "Let's go.”

And onward they forged into the darkness. Max and Michael went first, walking so fast that Isabel and Alex could hardly keep up through the narrow, winding passages of the old pyramid. "Y'know, I've never liked the dark," Alex whispered. "If you want, Isabel…I mean…I might feel better if I had someone to hold onto."

To his surprise, he felt a soft, slender hand slide into his. "I'll tell you a secret-I've always been afraid of the dark too." And in the light of Isabel's glowing hand, he could see a shy smile on her face.

"This is it, Maxwell! The Egyptian guy's tomb!"

And suddenly, they were in a large chamber. At the center was the sarcophagus that Michael had seen in his vision. Max traced the five stars that studded his hat with a careful finger. "I wonder who he was… Those are our stars."

Alex touched each of the stars in turn. "Max. Michael. Isabel. Me. And Pharaoh." As his fingers brushed over each indentation, the star lit up. "Whoa…"

And then, a worn, tired voice filled the room…

"My daughter-"

"No, PC!" A young woman's voice cut across the prophetic spouting. "That's from Voltron, not Roswell! Oh, wait, you didn't watch the action cartoons when you were little. You watched all the girlie ones."

There was a grumbling sigh, and another girl's voice answered. "Shove Pinky back in the closet, TB. I still can't believe you gave away my purple camel. Just because of that stupid award…"

"Hey, aren't those the voices of those two crazy chicks? The ones that lived in Un-Vermont or whatever?" Michael cast a suspicious look around the room. "What the hell's going on here? This isn't funny anymore!"

"Ignore the man behind the curtain. I repeat, ignore the man behind the curtain," one of the girls' voices solemnly intoned. "Ummm, what do we do now, Brain?"

There was a soft sigh. "I told you to check the padlock on Pinky's closet,TB… Let's see if they can figure out the puzzle. Then we'll get what we want." And there was that evil cackle again.

Michael began pacing. All of his frustration and rage was building up inside him, and he knew that sooner or later, something in that little room was gonna explode. Hopefully it would be a wall. But if they brought down a wall, would the whole pyramid come down? "Hey, Alex!"

"Yeah?" The blue-eyed boy turned from where he was studying the sarcophagus. "I think I might've figured this out. If you look at the pictures along the rim of the case, they tell a story, and maybe if we follow what the hieroglyphics say, we can get that door or whatever to open."

"Hiero-whatsits?" Michael peered over the geek's shoulder. "Oh, the pictures. It looks like someone has to kiss someone." He pointed to where two figures in ancient Egyptian motif were sucking face. Then he looked around at the three others in the room. "And there's no way it's gonna be me. Sorry, Maximilian, Alex…but you two just aren't my type."

Again, a soft cackle echoed from the corners of the room.

And then all three boys turned to look at Isabel.

"What?"

"Sorry, Izzy, but you're not my type either." Michael shuddered. “I'm not feeling very Oedipus today…"

"He slept with his mother, moron." Isabel rolled her eyes. "So I have to kiss one of you to free Maria and Liz?" She shrugged. "Why not? Call it…experimentation." A sly grin creased her full lips. "Any volunteers?"

And she looked straight at Alex.

"Yes, ma'am." And he fell promptly into her arms. Causing Michael and Max to look away.

"I really didn't need to see that," Max whispered, a pained expression on his face. "She's my sister. And he's my friend. And they're…" He closed his eyes.

"From the looks of it, he's got one hand up her shirt, and she's sucking on his neck," Michael commented, looking over his shoulder. "They're just a couple of horndogs looking for a place to suck face, Maxwell. Pathetic. At least me and Maria have my apartment-"

Max whimpered.

To be honest, Michael did feel a little odd watching Alex and Isabel exchange little kisses. For someone who didn't want to get attached to humans, his almost sister looked like she was enjoying herself a little too much. Like Max had said, there were things he didn't need to see Isabel doing… But he knew Alex would take care of the tall blonde. If not, Michael was sure he could come up with a couple creative punishments—

“Mmmm, Alex, that's good… Oooh, it’s so nice to leave Destiny behind…”

“Alex, Iz, Michael, look!” And suddenly, a door appeared in the wall and slid open. “It's the door!”

And when the door didn't open fast enough, a small blond whirlwind kicked at it with one foot until the opening widened. And then Michael's arms were full of Hurricane DeLuca, and his lips were seeking hers hungrily, making sure she was okay, and all of the parts that he loved and infuriated him were all still there, intact.

“You cheesehead! What kind of dream is this?” He broke their kiss, resting his forehead against hers. “Do you know what we had to go through to get here? You better have a good explanation for this.”

“What what what?” She backed away. “Excuse me, pal-y spaceboy, but this is not my fault.” She jabbed her finger into his chest with each word. “Not. My. Fault. I was perfectly happy, asleep in my bed, when all of a sudden Lizzie and I were in this big old smelly pyramid, and if you weren't an alien, I would've said we were being abducted, but there was no little white light, and no Nasedo, and no little slimy green guys, and I didn't even get a stupid little T-shirt and—“

“So, wait, this wasn't your fault?” He stared at her in disbelief. “Hey, guys, it wasn't Maria's dream!”

And the other two couples broke apart.

“Uh oh, Pinky. I think they've caught on to us.” The girls' voice echoed throughout the room again.

“You don't think they'll hate us for it, do you?” The second voice was barely more than a melancholy whisper. “All we wanted were smoochies…”

Max looked at the others, Liz safely ensconced in his arms. “Um, guys, I think it's time to get out of here…”

So they wound their way back through the passages to where three camels awaited them at the entrance.

“You've got to be kidding,” Maria said when she saw the camels. “But the purple one's so cute!” She threw her arms around the purple camel's fuzzy neck. “And he smells like cedar!”

Max looked at Michael. “Are you sure this wasn't her dream?”

Michael just shook his head. The sooner they got out of Egypt and back to normal, he'd be happy. Although it wasn't too bad a place. It seemed oddly peaceful, and the river delta was a rather nice place…

But Michael was still happy when they mounted their camels again, and Maria was safely anchored in his arms. “I was so worried,” he whispered to her neck, pulling her body closer to his.

Maria tipped her face back to kiss him gently. “But I came back to you, spaceboy.” Her voice was soft. “Just as long as you always come back to me…”

He smiled, burying his face in her soft golden hair. And silently, he vowed that he always would.

“Non-Vermont?” Maria poked Michael gently with her elbow as they passed the castles that lined the banks. “Who are all these people that live here?”

“I dunno. But I get the strangest feeling that were important to them somehow.”

Again, as they passed by the Non-Vermont Castle, a shriek resounded. “It's them it's them it's them it's them!” This time, it was the taller red head who came screaming out of the door onto the ramparts. “Frack, it's THEM!”

The dark-haired girl sighed as she walked out more sedately. “You're such a spazz, Frick.”

“I have one word for you, Frack,” the red head said with a glare. “Jeebie.” And then she waved a thick manila folder that was marked blackmail in large letters.

The dark-haired girl blushed, her wavy long hair momentarily blocking her face. “Umm, anyway…” She looked down at them. “Hi!” She waved. “Congratulations on completing your mission, even though you didn't choose to accept it. You found the door.” And to Michael's surprise, both girls beamed.

“Who are they?” He heard Liz whisper to Max. “They look like they're even younger than we are.”

“I don't know. But I guess the shorter one owns my camel or something.”

“But you mentioned a dove,” Alex called up to them. “We found the door, but don't we need to find the dove too?”

And the two girls did their weird little evil cackle thing again. “You'll find the dove in your own time, Alex,” the redhead said solemnly. “Liz and Max have always known it, and Michael and Maria will need to find it again, but you'll all know about the dove.” And if Michael wasn't mistaken, it almost looked like there were tears in both girls’ eyes…

“Your Daisys and Neils are resting here with you,” the dark-haired girl added. And the two exchanged a look, and a wistful sigh. “Oh, wait, I forgot! I have something for you, Maria!” The two girls disappeared behind the door again, only to reappear suddenly at the great portcullis at the front of the castle. The smaller girl was holding the reins to another purple camel. “See? He's for you.” She held out the reins shyly. “His name is Jeebie.”

And the red-haired girl approached Michael on the other side, holding up a woven basket. “Want some chips?” She blushed as red as her hair.

A third figure appeared on top of the battlement—a tall, thin young man with light brown hair and wire-rimmed glasses. “I knew you'd offer him chips! I told you!”

The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes. “I told you we should've gotten DSL instead of a DLS, Frick. Someone hasn't been using the radish force for good lately…” She gave the redhead a pointed look, while the redhead shot an innocent look off in the other direction and began to whistle.

“Are you sure you won't stay in Egypt with us?” the dark haired girl pleaded. “The weather's always warm, and there's no such thing as Destiny or Tess or anything like that.”

“Tess?” Max's face was puzzled. “Who's that?”

The girl beamed. “Nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway.” She did a little happy dance that looked kind of like a cross between the Cabbage Patch, and Dipsy's dance. Not that Michael ever watched Teletubbies.

“Hey, Frick, they don't know who Tess is!”

The red head came running over. “Yay!” And she began to do the odd little happy dance too. “Just wait til we tell the list. We—“ She stopped, as if she realized they weren't alone anymore. “Um, you can go now. If you keep going down 285 South, you should come back to Roswell.” She snickered. “Just keep your pants pulled up when you hop fences, Michael.”

And the two girls started their little cackle-fest again as they walked into the castle, singing “Yellow Submarine.”

Maria looked back at him, and then at the reins that she held in her hand. “That was even weirder than some of Alex's dreams… Doors, and camels, and pyramids…”

“And don't forget about the dove too,” Liz added.

And as they rode off, Michael couldn't help but wonder what exactly the point of the whole thing was. But it didn't matter. It was all just a dream.

Or was it?

Back to Area 51 (Section II)