Dedicated to DreamBeth, webmistress at Under the Stars (http://www.geocities.com/ml_underthestars/) Because she needs M/L bonding to get through her exams.

Disclaimer: Karlandra is mine, she is solely mine. If you want to borrow her you have to ask. As for the Roswell charters, no, I don't own then. Did you seriously think that I was responsible for the mess that is season 2. Nope, I'm not taking the blame for that one.

Authors note: This was written as a Zan POV on Karlandra. You don't have to have read Karlandra to read this but it will mean more if you have. This was written because lots of people gave me feedback and asked for more.

Spoilers: None that I know of.

Rating: G.

Distribution: Ask, I've never said no yet.

Feedback: Is the thing you do if you want me to keep writing. If it wasn't for feedback this story wouldn't exist.

***

He watched her, he always had. She was just a serving girl, a poor orphan, yet he felt compelled to watch her. She wasn't startlingly beautiful, her brown eyes seemed almost too dark as did her soft brown hair. She didn't quite seem to fit and that puzzled him. The mighty Zan, future ruler and leader of his people puzzled by a simple servant girl. Rath would laugh at that.

Her laugh was too bright for this war bitten world. Her smile was too easy for the life she led. Her gentleness, her kindness, sometimes he had to wonder if the gods had missed the mark putting such a sweet soul here on this cold planet. She deserved to walk on a much younger planet with a much brighter sun above her head. She deserved to feel the heat of a young sun seeping into her very bones. She deserved to be able to laugh freely without receiving dirty looks. She deserved everything, yet he couldn't give it to her. Had it been a time of peace maybe he would have tried, but no, he could do nothing but watch her. Watching was almost enough.

He remembered how she had first come to him, warning him that he and his father were in danger. He had been barely a man, yet the timid sound of her calling from his door in the early hours of the morning had been enough to set fire to his blood. She'd overheard some Royals plotting the double murder and her warning came just in time. That was how it began. She became his eyes and ears in the places that none of his advisors could freely go. Such beautiful eyes, such talented ears. Three months later she took the vows of the high order so that she could speak with him openly. He wanted to cry, to stop her from doing it as he stood with all of the other high Royals and watched her take the oaths. The pledges of purity and service. Yet part of him was overjoyed that he could now take her into his personal service. And so he watched. He watched her as she spoke the vows both to their gods and to his mother the queen. He watched her as her as she pledged her life to service. He watched her as she refused all mate, all pairings that she might not be compromised in her duties. He watched her as she was adorned in the simple robes of her calling. He thought that maybe he could watch her forever, and then he thought that maybe he already had in some past life.

Karlandra the Kindheart. She was just a dedicated servant in the eyes of most. One that loved her prince so truly that she joined the order so the she might serve him better. Such loyal servants were hard to find, for Karlandra the Kindheart was the type of servant that one not only could but would trust with their life.

The years past and still he watched her. He watched her as she served him at meal times. He watched her as he laid plans with his sister and his second. In time his second, Rath, was let into the secret of her other duties. He watched her as she served Rath and him privately in his chambers one night and told them of the people's discontent. The people needed something to raise their spirits, the leaders needed something to unite the planet and the throne needed an heir. Ava was the answer to all three of these. He watched her as Rath told him that the marriage was needed, that Karlandra's words had just proven that need. Only her eyes gave any hint that she disliked the idea. Her voice was strong and steady as she agreed that it would be a politically smart move. Two against one.

Karlandra and Rath listed all the reasons why it was needed. Rath reminded him that his father had wanted the union. Karlandra pointed out that the companionship would do his sister good. Rath said that the soldiers needed it. Karlandra told him that his mother did also. With each word his heart broke a little. With each he loved her a little more. And with each word Rath's respect for and puzzlement with Karlandra grew. She stood strong under the scrutiny of his second. She clung to her duty and remembered her place throughout the entire discussion. Somehow she even managed to grace him with a small smile as she was dismissed. Rath had left moments before.

"You deserve some happiness, my prince." She had whispered in that gentle voice of hers. "She could love you if you let her." Her sweet voice whispered. Her voice, it mirrored the soothing sound of the sea. But any sailor knows that the sea sings a siren's song.

The engagement went by way too fast. The marriage was grand and the people rejoiced. But that night in his bedchamber, their bedchamber, he had to bite his lip in order to keep Karlandra's name from stinging his lips. And then it was the four of them planning defenses and attacks. Ava would dismiss Karlandra from the war chamber, from their quarters, from their table.

Things got more intense, more dangerous. Suddenly Karlandra was giving her reports to Rath as often as she was giving them to Zan. He could not watch her as often as he had and he hated it. He hated Ava for pushing her away, for not understanding. He hated Rath for being able to interact with her freely. He hated Vilandra for her concerned looks. He hated his mother for allowing the union. He hated the system for not giving them a chance. He did not want to hate them, his suffering was not their fault. But most of all he hated himself.

He hated himself for the animosity that he felt to those around him. He hated himself for not stopping Karlandra from taking those vows. He hated himself for pushing everybody away. And then he hated himself for hating himself. All in all he was not happy.

Ava seemed oblivious to it all. Nobody seemed able to snap him out of it and it was concerning them, but Ava seemed completely unaware. Or maybe that was just one of her defense mechanisms. Karlandra noticed, he could tell that she did. She was always giving him little sideways looks. Telling them little stories in an attempt to put a smile on his face. In time those that dinned with the prince became quite accustomed to her 'tales from the kitchen' as Rath fondly called them. In fact it was often Rath or Vilandra that nudged her to tell her tales, but Vilandra didn't know did she? Hoe could she? He'd never spoken of his true feelings, not even to Rath.

It was a surprise attack that shocked him out of his self-pity and self-loathing. The south wall was hit hard and the entire fort was sent into confusion. He sent Ava and his mother into the more secure regions of the fort with a small guard. Rath and Vilandra took control of the main defensive. He retreated to the war chamber with a handful of commanders. This was his fault, he'd let his guard down and now he had to fix it. Urgent tones and quick words filled the war chamber. Decisions had to be made and they had to be made now. The main defense would not be enough. They had to stop the enemy and then drive after them with an unexpected attack. Plans were laid, orders issued. Things seemed almost under control.

But Zan sighed his breath of relief too soon. Moments later Karlandra was torpedoing through one of the secret entrance to the war chamber as if her life depended on it. Zan raised his hand expecting an attacker to come after her but he had misread her intent. The fear in her eyes was not for herself but for him. His eyes were still searching behind her for an attacker when the main door burst open revealing the cause of her distress. His mind froze, he couldn't process what was happening. A part of his mind knew that the figure in the door was set on killing him, and another other part knew that Karlandra had come to try and warn him. Some part of his mind registered that Karlandra was moving to put herself between him and his attacker but it was somehow unable to connect with the part of his mind that comprehended the attacker's intent. He saw her step in the line of fire. He saw that she was hit. He saw her fall to the ground. He saw one of the commanders raise her hand towards the would-be assassin. He saw the man crumble to the ground. But it was like there was a screen between him and everything else. It was like he was an onlooker, separated. And although it all happened so fast at the same time it was like it was all in slow motion. Zan finally snapped out of the mind-fog that he was in and dropped to the ground beside Karlandra's broken form.

"Karlandra, Karlandra, look at me." His voice was gentle, pleading. He needed her. He needed her to be okay. He needed her to be his eyes and ears. But most of all he just needed her. His heart skipped a beat as she slowly forced her eyes open. The effort required for that small action seemed almost unbearably much. He had to form a connection and fast. He placed his strong hand over her wounded stomach. Such a tiny delicate stomach and concentrated on forming the connection. He was surprised and confused when she jerked away.

"No," Her voice was bearly a whisper. "You need your strength and I am beyond saving."

"Karlandra." Karlandra, I need you, even if I can never really have you, I need you.

She touched his cheek gently. "Sweet prince, sweet Zan, it's my time. You have to let me go." Oh that sweet, sweet voice. Like the roll of waves to a sailor. If a Siren told you to stay away from the cliffs would you listen? Could you listen?

A single tear rolled down his handsome cheek. "Wherever your soul flies mine will follow. I promise you that." He was completely unaware of the confusion that surrounded him, his only thoughts were of her. He knew that she was dying. He finally spoke the words that he had spent many words longing to whisper to her. "I love you, I always have. You are my soul's one and only mate."

He was losing her, a tear slipped down her face and he tenderly brushed it away. "I have always loved you also." She whispered. The words were both a torment and a blessing. He was losing her but he wasn't prepared to believe that he would lose her forever.

"Whatever earth your soul lands on, mine will follow. Although a million suns may try to keep us apart I will find you. That I promise." The word choked in his throat as he held back emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He kissed her gently on her forehead and held her close as her dying breath left her body. He stayed like that, cradling her broken body until the gentle touch of his second's hand brought him back to the world around him. Reluctantly he allowed his friend to remove her from his embrace. The second, his sister's betrothed, removed his cloak and placed it gently over Karlandra's dead body. Prince Zan watched in amazement, he had never seen his friend be so gentle. Just then his sister and his bride rushed into the chamber.

"Zan! Zan my love, are you all right?"

The answer echoed around his skull but he refused to let it out. No. He was not all right. He had not been all right for some time. Hadn't she noticed? Somehow he managed to nod that he was okay. And although he stood awkwardly in her embrace she seemed to believe him. He turned his eyes onto his second begging his childhood friend to understand. "See that she is buried with the respect she deserves."

"Of course." Ah yes, Rath the man of many words.

"What! Zan are you insane? We have no room to bury a servant girl, let her be cremated like the rest!" Ava screeched.

What! Could anybody really be that self-centered and callous? Or was she simply dense? The prince turned to his bride with angry eyes. He fought to regain his composure. When he spoke his voice was cold and sharp. "She died protecting me. She took the blow that was meant for me. Surely that counts for something! She is a hero and should be treated with the respect that she deserves."

"I will see that she is given a true burial."

A full sentence? Maybe Rath does understand. "Good." Now I'm becoming the one word wonder.

His sister touched his shoulder gently. "Zan, are you all right?"

"Yes Vilandra, or at least I will be." Just not in this life. He thought sadly to himself. I will find you again my love, and when I do I'll never let you go. Destiny and duty be damned.

***

Max Evans stood nervously at the door of the bus. It was his first day at West Roswell Elementary and the new faces frightened him. He stood there searching the sea of strangers until his eyes finally settled upon a dark-hard girl. She turned to look at him and as her doe eyes meet his hazel ones there was a moment of recognition. Somehow he knew that he had found what he had been searching for. She smiled at him and the action lightened his heart. His sister tugged on his arm urging him towards the school building and the moment was lost.

Yet some part of him knew beyond a doubt that they belonged together. The connection had been formed and nothing would ever break it. Karlandra. The part of his soul that understood called. I promised you that I would follow you across the stars and I have. I will not lose you again.

But nearly ten years later as a bullet tore through her abdomen he realized that he could no longer just watch.

Back to Area 51 (Section III)