Disclaimer: The characters and events briefly described belong to the WB and the producers and writers of Roswell. Also the poem excerpt from "If Only" is my friend Maureen Ballin's.

Rating: PG

Category: M/L

Summary: Max's thoughts after learning his destiny

Spoilers: Season Finale

Feedback: yes please, at Lizparker25@cs.com

NOTE: Thank you so much Maureen for letting me use your poem. It's really great!

***

She ran, ran and left. My Liz, the human girl I love so much. Who loves me so much, even after she knew what I am- different. She wanted what's best for me, that's all she cares for- me, not herself. To follow my destiny, to relive my past. To be with one of my own, a girl I'm supposed to care about, but don't. I want her, Liz Parker.

If only
If only you knew
How sorry I am

I was the leader of my people. Michael my second in command, Isabel my sister, Tess my bride. Someday, we are supposed to reclaim our home world. But I don't care. None of this matters to me if I'm not with Liz.

How I never meant for this
To happen
If only you knew

We head home. I know everything will be different now. Are we ready to face the changes? I stare out the window, searching for Liz. When she ran, she stole my heart. Packed it up and took it with her. Where is she? Where did she go?

The whirlwind of emotion
Racing through my heart
The things I know
And you don't

I still can taste, feel, our last kiss. Her arms around mine, slowly slipping away. Her farewell: me not wanting to let her go. What happened? My dreams came true and came crashing down. Liz loved me, still does. But do I love her, I ask myself, even is if wasn't meant to be?

The things I wish you knew
But you didn't stick around to hear

I love her; she loves me. Michael and Maria. Izzy and Alex. Our past, our destiny screwed our lives. I told her I still wanted her. She didn't listen. She ran. I hope she's safe, I hope she's home. I hope Maria tries to calm her, even though I know nothing will ever mend Liz's broken heart but me. For the first time, she didn't stick around.

I am really sorry
You mean the world to me...

Does Tess love me for me? Or is it our destiny, our past playing a role in this. How am I supposed to go on without ever holding Liz in my arms? Stroking her hair, seeing her brown eyes look straight into mine, returning her sweet kisses, or just telling her that she's the one thing that makes me human again? I am the leader, I'm supposed to be strong. But I'm not. I'm lost.

Or at least you did.
Until my world ceased to exist.

I let her go. Didn't run after her. Michael wouldn't let me. I wouldn't let myself. My old world is gone. I am no longer living a normal, well, it was never normal, life. Surrounded by people I knew and cared about. My only family and Liz, my only love is now only an illusion that was never supposed to exist. And it was replaced by one I never knew existed. One which has few connections to my life.

Everything I lived for
And cared about
Was lost.

Liz is gone. I stand outside her window, silently watching her cry. I want so badly to go in there, but I don't. Everything I cared for was twisted, destroyed by the truth. Most of all, I lost her for a girl I only once knew, in a different life. Destiny, take a hike. I walk in there and carefully wrap my arms around her and hold her silently. I'll hold on, hoping that one day soon, Liz will see me for me again. Not someone with his damn destiny all ready planned out.

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