Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of "Roswell" or the song "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak.

Summary: What if Tess and Max got together before Kyle could let Tess know about his feelings?

Category: Kyle/Tess, some Max/Tess overtones.

Setting: Somewhere in the near future, post EOTW.

Part 1: "You"

***

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you

I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
I don't want to fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you. With you. (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way,
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you,
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way,
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you"

***

I could kill Evans. I've lost count of the number of times that thought has crossed my mind. I wonder if it has any meaning anymore. It's practically a cliché now. But I know it still has meaning for me. I can feel the anger inside me. Maybe he doesn't, or you don't, but I do. It's like a boiling kettle of water left unattended. Its strength grows, slowly building itself up, and when it's time to for someone to stop it, there's no one there to stop it. No one there to complete me. Then all I feel is anger boiling inside me. I've been forgotten. The kettle fumes and shakes, forgotten. I am a teakettle. How pathetic is that?

Evans would probably be that fancy, extremely overpriced coffee maker. You just know that at a gathering, all the people are going to swarm to the coffee maker, not a pathetic teakettle. People depend on coffee. It keeps them awake. Coffee's a vice of the best kind, and tea's just a polite social call. After all, you don't see cyber tea cafes for a reason. Who drinks tea anymore? Only the British, I think. So naturally Evans would have to be the coffee maker. He's the center of attention in the kitchen and Roswell.

That guy gets every damn thing he wants. He gets everything I've ever wanted. He got my first love. And in the most grandeur fashion, you can be assured. Saved her life, saw into her soul, and confessed his true self to her. Of course she fell madly, deeply in love with him. After all that, how could she not?

It all makes sense now. I'd see him at the basketball games sometimes. He came with Isabel, most likely using her need to see the boys in their uniforms as his excuse to come. Obviously, he didn't come to see the boys so I wondered why he was there. It wasn't the basketball. From what I learned during my time with him in PE, the guy was strong, but he hated sports. It was probably the competitiveness that he disliked. He always looked like he'd rather be in Chem or cooking or something during PE.

Now I remember the stolen glances towards Liz, sitting in the second row as always. They wouldn't allow her in the first row 'cause that was where the team sat. She came everytime I had a game, cheering her little heart out. Her heart was little at that time. She was supportive and caring, but she didn't love me. I never felt from her the things I felt. Then he came along and opened up her heart.

He came along so many times and took things. He got my father's trust. I thought that day would never come. Dad always acted like he was out to get the aliens. His job was to protect the innocent, and as far as he knew and believed, aliens were evil. We all believe they're evil by nature. Dad didn't want to believe in them because of what it did to my grandpa, but he did. He believed in them, protected them, and trusted them. And he still does.

You're not evil. You're the sweetest kind of wrong. I know I shouldn't feel this way about you. Like I said, you're wrong for me. We're wrong together in so many ways. You're alien. I'm human. You have a destiny and a mission. What do I have? A semi-permanent role in the I-know-an-alien-club? But I know so much more than an alien. I know you. But it's all just wrong. You're like -- are -- family. Dad loves you like a daughter. He'd do anything for you. So would I.

I believe the reason you haven't gone out with anyone yet is because of my over-protective brotherly presence. Who am I kidding? It's more because I trail you like a lovesick puppy dog. Everyone knows what's happened to me. I only wish I knew it sooner. Some of them look at us. Have you noticed? They don't know what to think. Some think it's just weird and strange. Some think it's cute. Other's think it's just wrong. I think you're the right kind of wrong. You're the only wrong I ever want to know.

Of course, I'll never get the chance to really know you. I like to think I know you better than any of them. We've shared moments together. You know, the kinds they have in movies where everything goes in slow motion, and all you see is them. The lovers. But that's not what we are. That's what we'll never be. We'll never be together. I'll never get to know you inside and out because he got that too. All I ever wanted is inside you and he gets that too. The guy must pay the heavens to bless him. Hell, he owns the heavens. I'm sure they do it for free, for their faithful leader. He got you too.

I remember when you told me. I was sitting in the living room watching TV. It was Wednesday, a little past eight in the evening. You never miss "Dawson's Creek" and I started to get worried. I sat through the whole first half-hour of the show. I paid close attention. I wanted to be able to tell you what you missed when you got home. I sat there wondering what the hell was going on. The commercial had said Joey was pregnant.

I thought about calling dad then. He was out with Amy, but he had taken his cell phone with him. Maybe he would know. Not about the Joey thing, but about you. Then I decided against it. You hated to be treated like a child. You always said, "I've survived ten years with and without Nasedo, evading evil aliens. I think I can find my way home alone." Of course, then you'd add a witty comment like, "You're too weak to protect me anyway."

So I put down the phone and went back to watching the show. It was agonizing. I couldn't wait till you got back. I still couldn't figure out why the gay guy kissed the girl a couple weeks back. Then the Joey girl came back, looking distressed as ever. She started playing the game again. Dawson or Pacey? Pacey or Dawson? She must be a whiz at Monopoly.

"Make up your freakin' mind," I yelled at the TV.

Just at that moment, you bounced through the front door. And you did bounce. You practically skipped from the door to the couch. You're hair bounced as you sat down next to me. You changed it back to curly. I always liked it more that way. It was all you. Purely you. Your face glowed. I didn't know if it was happiness or some alien thing. Both have happened before. Then you smiled at me and I knew it wasn't alien. That smile was completely human and all the emotion I felt from you was human too. You were having a human moment. You were smiling so brightly. You were the happiest I'd ever seen you. And that's what killed me. I wasn't the one to cause it.

"Make up her freakin' mind about what?" you asked.

I had to dislike you for a moment to break my eyes away from your face. "Oh, the Joey, Dawson, and Pacey thing."

"Oh, did I miss anything interesting? Is she pregnant?"

"I don't think so. But you never know with Joey," I replied.

God, I'd never seen you so absolutely beautiful before. Being human brings out this tranquility in you. You know you belong and you're at rest, finally. For just a moment, you and me, us together, seemed just right.

"Do you want me to tell you?" you asked softly.

"Tell me what?"

"Why you're staring at me." If you looked human, then I must have looked like a tomato right then. "I look different, don't I?"

"You're...you look like a light bulb." That came out all wrong.

"A light bulb? Oh, thanks," you muttered sarcastically. You pouted and for a minute you looked like nothing more than a child I wanted to protect from evil boys.

"I mean you're glowing."

"I am?" you questioned, touching your forehead. I took your hand and placed it on your cheeks. You smiled sheepishly You're so cute when you're shy and embarrassed. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to know that side of you. "I guess I'm too happy."

"It looks good on you."

"Thanks." You paused before you continued. I could tell you were trying to figure out how to say what you had to say next. "It's finally happened, Kyle. Max and me, I mean."

"You mean destiny?" I asked. I thought it was like a science experiment. Follow the rules, get the outcome, never getting involved.

"I mean Max and I. Destiny is just a term. Max and I are living, breathing, and now we're complete."

"Isn't that what you and Max are? Destiny?"

"No, we're more than that," you replied defensively. You were starting to get angry. You're always this way when I try to discuss your past with you. It's like you're trying to protect it, keep it away from me. I don't belong in it so what's the point of me getting involved in it, right? I understand it's your baby, but why can't I look after it too? I'll be careful with it just as I'm careful with you. "Listen, no one understands this, but I remember my life back home. I remember Zan and I remember what it was like."

That hurt. Stung like a paper cut. You called it home. I always thought this was your home. Dad and I were your family. You always belonged here more than you did with them. You told me so. Told me you felt complete here.

I looked away at the TV screen. I hoped you couldn't see my face. I wish I hadn't gotten so close. I wish I hadn't gotten so involved. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt like crying. But I did and for that, you now know me too well.

"Kyle, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it came out. You know this is where I'll always come home to at night," you said, putting your head on my shoulder. You looked up at me and pouted again. "Forgive me?"

How could I not? Maybe I'd be able to pretend I was mad at you for five minutes, but then I'd break just as your hair would skim across my neck and cause me to shiver, all unknown to you. You'd probably ask me if I was cold and then close the window. You're so oblivious. But who am I to talk? I'm just as oblivious.

"Yeah, but I don't understand this, Tess. What's changed all of a sudden? When did you start caring about Max's affections?"

"I never stopped," you answer bluntly, but then continue softly. "I was distracted with other things. Nasedo taught me that to save our planet, everything had to be in peace. That means us too, the alien couples. The sooner we overcome our human tendencies and pair up, the sooner we'll be able to defend ourselves. Please understand, Kyle."

"I can't, Tess. You're just as strong without him as you are with him. You don't need him. And what about Michael and Isabel? You don't see them hooking up." I was fuming by then. How could he do this? How could he take you too, and using you're mission to save the planet as an excuse. What other motives could he have had? He was still in love with Liz. It's obvious to everyone, but you. Why couldn't you see it? It'd save you heartbreak to come.

"Michael and Isabel are still very much human. They don't understand this like I do and have been able to explain to Max."

"So, it's a business deal? No feelings or love involved?"

"That's not true!" you yelled. I'd never heard your voice so loud and angry before.

"How do you know?" I questioned.

"Because he came to me, Kyle. He came to me. God, Kyle, what's wrong with you? Why can't you just be happy for me?"

I couldn't tell you why so I stayed silent. You stood up, your eyes hurt, and walked away. I wanted nothing more than to run to you and protect you. I'd never thought of the possibility of Max caring about you like I do. I never imagined that he'd come to you and give up Liz. For Max to give up Liz is like me giving you up. Does that mean it's time?

"What about the rest of the show?" I asked.

"I already know what happens. He misses out." I never found out which "he" you were talking about. I knew I should have paid more attention to the show.

Then you left and went to your bedroom. It took every ounce of self-control I had for me not to follow you like I've done so many times.

***

Things didn't get back to normal between us for a couple of days. You and I are normal again, but inside me, nothing is normal. But if you call talking at dinner normal, okay then, everything was back to normal. You and I resume our scavenger hunt. For weeks we'd been trying to figure what kind of powers, if any, I'd developed from the time Max healed me. We tried every experiment possible. From dream walking into this cheerleader's dreams at school to trying to heal a dead fly, we did it all. None were successful. This time we're going to try to reform a broken plate.

"How about this one?" you ask, taking out a plate from the uppermost cupboard. "We never use it anyway. Dad probably won't mind us breaking it for research."

I'd been starring at you again. Thankfully, I snap out of it just as you turn around. "What?"

"Kyle, pay attention. You need to be focused all the time to be able to do this. Now, the plate," you say holding up the plate.

"No!" I yell.

"I didn't know you were so attached to the plate," you reply, giving me a peculiar look.

"It's just, that was my mom and dad's china from their wedding." I can't even imagine what dad would do if he came home to find that precious plate broken into a thousand pieces. It'd be like his marriage.

"Oh, I'm sorry," you apologize quietly. Neither of us knows what to say next. My mom has always been a touchy subject and you understand that. I know that when I'm ready to talk about it, you'll listen.

I quickly grab a plate from the dirty pile and smash it against the side of the sink. I just want you to stop looking at me so pitifully. "There, let's try this."

"Okay, remember to breathe and relax. Take it slow. Concentrate," you instruct me.

"Are you trying to give me sex advice?" I say smiling.

"What do you need it for? You have no chance to put it into practice." Before I can retort, you get your time-for-alien-business face on so I don't say anything. I know better than to mess with you when you get down to business. No wonder you were the queen of your planet. "Close your eyes and try to feel the pieces coming back together."

I follow your instructions and try to meditate. Come on, Buddha. Work for me here. I never have been able to grasp the mediating aspect of Buddhism. My mind wanders too much. Then, suddenly, I start to think about my mom. About how I never told her I loved her just before she left. I told her everyday before I left for school, but that day I overslept and rushed out without telling her. When I came home, she was gone. Then I start to think about my grandpa. There's so much I didn't tell him before he got sick. I barely even know him. What if he dies without ever knowing an alien lives right here in the Valenti house? I should tell him some day. I think it'd make him happy to know he was right and we believe him. I think he'd like Tess. Just then I feel her presence and open my eyes. She's staring right at me, her face merely inches from mine. Please don't let Liz walk in right now. Please.

"Okay, nada," she says looking away at the sink. I take my hand away and peak inside. The dish is still in a million pieces.

"This is so frustrating," I snap. "It's like Marie Curie and her goddamn radium. No separation. No separation. Only it's, no goddamn reformation."

"Um, what?" you ask bewildered. I'm about to explain, but you continue before I can. "Did you actually pay attention during Chem?"

"Only during the day we saw the movie 'Marie Curie'," I reply.

You laugh and I don't think I've ever heard a more beautiful noise. I hate to admit it, but Max has made you livelier than ever and you look and sound amazing for it.

"Maybe I don't have powers. Liz's only worked with Isabel so they must be very weak. Maybe I didn't get any at all," I rationalize.

"Maybe. I don't know. I just can't shake the feeling there's something there." You start to rub your temples. You always do that when you're thinking. I've begun to notice a lot of things about you. Like how you always smile after a MasterCard commercial. Though you'd die before you'd admit it, I know you're a cheesy sap.

"Yeah, there's definitely something there," I whisper.

"What?" you ask looking up. I shake my head, dismissing it. "Wait, what if you developed a completely new power? Isabel dream walks, Max heals, I mind warp, Michael...Michael..."

"Blows up rocks?" I suggest.

"Oh, be quiet. That's so mean." I see you smile though. "We each have our one power that we excel in. What if you have your own?"

"That means more experiments. Endless experiments." I sit down at the kitchen table across from you. "We have no idea what kind of a power I could have developed, especially if it's not one like yours. It could just be the power of melting ice cream, which already melts on it's own. It could be anything, Tess."

"I know," you say, defeated. This means so much to you. I can't understand why. If it weren't for you, I would have given up these experiments a long time ago.

"Okay, let's do it," I say. I can't let you down, especially when you smile at me the way you are right now.

***

On Wednesday you brought him over to the house after school for the third time this week. You sat shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow on the couch and watched TV. He smiled at you at all the right moments. I could tell you were eating it all up. Just before he was about to leave, he kissed you on the cheek. You whispered something to him, something I could never be a part of, and then he kissed you on the lips. In my house. Our house.

I can't take it anymore. I don't know whether to be happy for you, or sad for myself, or jealous of Max. So today I decide to stay after school. When you two start walking home, I go to the bleachers by the football field and sit down. I know after six it's all clear to come home because being the dutiful son Evans is, he must be home for dinner at six. That still leaves me a couple of hours to pass. I take out my book, "Buddhism for Beginners," and scan the bleachers to make sure no one I know is around. There's two guys sitting to the far left of me smoking something or other, but I think they'll be too out of it tomorrow to even remember a guy was sitting nearby them.

"Hey," someone says just as I begin to read. I look up and see Liz. She looks surprised to see me here, but I feel like I couldn't be anywhere else. "What are you doing here?"

"What could I possibly be doing at school?" She raises her eyebrows. "Studying, of course." v She smiles and sits down besides me. "Let's see. Max and Tess left school together. Isabel says he hasn't come home before six this entire week. You're here at school after school. Let me guess, Max and Tess are at your house?"

"One point for the smart scientist," I say. "What about you? You don't strike me as a dope," we share a look as we look over at the two guys smoking, "and I don't think you have any Buddha reading to catch up on. Plus, your house hasn't been turned into the official stadium for the alien love games."

"To tell you the truth," she says in a hushed voice, "I was afraid they'd show up at the Crashdown so I told my dad I was staying after school to work on a project."

"Shame, shame," I say, jokingly wagging my finger at her. She giggles, her skin turning red. Liz isn't used to not being of the most perfect quality.

"How in love with her are you?" she asks out of nowhere.

"What?" I say, taken back by the question.

"Tess. You love her. Have you told her?" She says it like I'm eight years old, in this explanatory voice. Like I don't know it already. Trust me, I do know now.

"Never," I say quietly.

"God, Kyle, this must be awful for you." That's what I love about Liz. She cares about everyone. Everyone else's needs are above her own. You hardly ever meet people in life with that quality.

"Can't be any better for you. He knows how you feel and he still went off with Tess." She looks down at her lap. Damn. "I'm so sorry, Liz. That was not supposed to sound like that."

"It's okay, Kyle," she says sincerely. "We both have it bad for our own separate reasons." I remember now the night that she asked me to pretend to have slept with her. She knew Max was going to come to her that night and she did it to him still. She never told me the reason behind it, but it makes Max courting Tess at last seem more sensible.

"It'll take time." That's all I can manage to come up with. What do you say to someone who's only love is with someone you can't stand? It's funny how I can't stand Evans and she can't stand Tess. It's perfect. Tess and Max should not dare to disrupt our prefect balance.

"That's it? Some Buddhist you are," she says, playfully punching me in the arm.

"Hey, one day I will get some great profound thought and I won't share it with you just for that," I joke. She rolls her eyes at me. "You never know. Buddha got enlightenment while sitting under a pipal tree."

"Kyle, if you haven't told her already, it's gonna be a long time before you find enlightenment."

I wish I had told you. I wish I'd screamed it from the top of my lungs till I couldn't grasp air anymore. I wish I'd woken you up in the middle of the night, even though I know you'd get mad at me, and told you. I wish I wasn't sitting here right now instead of talking to you about last night's "Dawson's Creek." I wish I had told you that I love you. I love you. You.

Back to Area 51 (Section IV)